Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #481: Hello Geordi

[at Quark's]

Geordi: Take a look at this. It's a form of entertainment called a soap opera. The exploration of human relationships is fascinating.
Riker: I can't imagine just watching the story and not being a part of it.
Ro: That's because you've been spoiled by the holodeck. There's something to be said for non-interactive stories like this, being swept away in the narrative.
Geordi: Oh, I can't wait to see if Blaine's twin brother is the father of Jessica's baby.
Picard: Enough! This kind of low-brow culture may be tolerated by a certain female Starship captain whom I refuse to mention by name here, but this rubbish WILL NOT DO on the flagship Enterprise! Back to our usual Shakespeare and Mozart, people!

 

[huskers57]

Strut pout, put it out, that's what you want from women
Come on baby, what'cha taking me for
Strut pout, cut it out, all taking and no giving
Watch me baby while I walk out the door

Geordi - "Ah, I see where you're going. We shift down and then kick hard into warp nine. Yeah! Come back fighting! whooey!"

Data thinking - "Not this again..."

"Take a bite out of Ro!!!" - McDuff the Hound Dog

Riker - "Orb and orb... WHAT IS ORB!?!"

Geordi singing - "I am the very model of a modern major general, I've information vegetable, animal and mineral."

 

[Hutchy01]

With apologies to Tom Lehrer and Huskers57:

Geordi: What can we see down here? There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the snu-snu, I mean the win LH!

LaForge: "Hello boobs. I mean counsellor."
PIcard: "Got the old VISOR on X-Ray mode again, huh Geordi?"

LaForge: "There's a coolant leak!"
Data: "You are not rolling under any doors, Geordi. Are you certain?"
LaForge: "There's a coolant leak right here. I am very certain, Data."
Data: "That is not a ship schematic. That is a photon torpedo inventory chart. I fail to see how you can determine the location of a malfunction from a numerical inventory."
LaForge. "It's right here. I have my finger in the hole. Do something Data! I can feel my fingerprint melting off!"

LaForge: "See, it's right here. There have been 357 known starships named Enterprise within the last 200 years, taking into account alien languages, non-affiliated races. Pay up, Ro."
Picard: "Quite right too. A proud name for a ship, a proud bearing, harking back to a long naval heritage, of service, of honour, of bravery."
LaForge: "Wrong kind of Enterprise, sir. 350 of these ships are Ferengi."
Picard: "Yes, well... What are you all standing around here for? Back to work."

LaForge: "Near as I can make out. If I turn it this way, it causes the Captain extreme agony, but if I turn it the other way. it stops."
Riker: "Well, keep fiddling with it Geordi. Maybe you'll figure it out in a couple of hours."

Rasmussen: "Well, Captain Janeway and Tom Paris turn into giant salamanders and make amphibian babies, and Captain, I mean Commander Benjamin Sisko is the son of a Bajoran god."
Picard: "Utter poppycock? What other colourful mendacities will you entertain us with, future boy?"
Rasmussen: "Wait, don't you want to hear how Captain LaForge helps save the space-time continuum?"
Picard: "That's enough! Take him to the brig, Number One."
LaForge: "Wait, did he say 'Captain'?"

 

[inflatabledalek]

Geordi: Hey, I just found out I wasn't made The chief engineer, I'm still only One of out chief engineers!

Geordi: This makes us go.

Data: It is good to see you learnt some more advanced engineering skills during your time with the Pakleds.

Geordi: OK, I've found our personel files with the Captain's personal comments! Now we'll know who we are!

Picard: Well, I'm the captain it seems, no need to read more....

Geordi: First Officer: Commander William T. Riker. "Creepy sex pest who plays his trombone as well as he shaves. Promotion prospects: Currently laughable".

Ro: Ha!

Picard: Helms officer: Ensign Ro. "What's going on with that nose? Did she lose a fight with an accordian?"

Picard: Computer, close files!

Riker: You'll never win Captain Picard day by just getting the top of his head right.

Ramussen: I've seen the future and I can't tell you how much he'll wish he'd done this instead of Hook.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

LA FORGE: "Come on, guys. How am I supposed to beat the high score when you're all watching me?"
PICARD: "By feeding off our mental energy and - I wouldn't do that if I were you."
LA FORGE: "Just. Go. Now."

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: What...is that LaForge...?
Geordi: Big-ass air freshener, sir.
Riker: Why is it on the helm foot rest?
Geordi: ....
Data: Awk-ward!

Geordi: J-12?
Data: Who the fuck gets a Zagnut.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: So like I was saying, Tucker saves the ship by going on a space walk while both ships are at warp!! But you probably know that. Then there was the time Tucker....
RASMUSSEN: (thinking) If I ever get back to the 22nd Century, I'm gonna kill that Tucker guy.

LAFORGE: What the...? Christie said she had to pull a double shift, so we couldn't go out! But the computer shows her off duty?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

GEORDI: Hey guys, what's up?
PICARD: Oh, Geordi. Need something?
GEORDI: Nope, nothing...so, how're things going up here?
PICARD: Fine.
GEORDI: Good, good. Need me for anything?
PICARD: Nope, not really.
GEORDI: Great, great. Well, if you need me I'll be down in engineering. Unless you want to chat or something.
PICARD: Great! So you'll be in engineering if we need you.
GEORDI: Right. Bye.
PICARD: Yeesh.

DATA: Geordi. Why do you keep adjusting the dimmer switch?
GEORDI: Just trying to find the right ambiance for the current crisis.

GEORDI: The records indicate our enemy likes to use overly elaborate manipulation tactics based on technology so advanced that if they put the same amount of effort into developing weapons we wouldn't stand a chance.
MACDUFF: Those bastards!

RIKER: What is it?
GEORDI: Don't be rude, Commander. This is the new Ensign, Brain-In-A-Jar!

RASMUSSEN: Yes, just like that! You look just like the statue at LaForge Memorial Park!
GEORDI: Umm, what?

 

[Nebusj]

``So the reason this turbolift doesn't go anywhere is it turns out it's our walk-in shoe closet.''

``Geordi, is it ethical to `like' your own posts?''

``Klingons do not join bad conga lines.''

LaForge: ``It's a decent enough game. Lot of charm. It's no tubas-eating-poker-chips, but what is? 3.5 stars.''

``I'm not going back, Captain. I ... I like it here. People don't call me 'Geordi' without asking, they say stuff like 'Commander' and 'LaForge' and 'sir' and stuff.''

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: So, you're saying we could leave him here and it wouldn't screw up the timeline at all?
LAFORGE: I can hear you!!!!

 

[Finn]

Geordi: Whoa...a video of Leah at Risa when she was on a break from doing her doctorate. Thank goodness everybody's down in Ten Forward listening to Data's latest poem.

 

[Triskelion]

LaForge: <Door opens> Ya couldn't make him an Acting Medic, could ya. <Door closes>

 

[LeadHead]

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