Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #470: Shorthanded
- Thread starter LeadHead
- Start date
Geordi: I'm gonna...set...the bridge on fire...red multiphase stapler...
Riker: Yeah, we're gonna need you to move down to the battle bridge....
Riker: Hello everybody, I'd like you to meet my new cabin boy, Opie. Opie, say hello to everybody.
Opie: Would anyone like to order some space cadet cookies?
Riker: Dammit Opie, that's not what we rehearsed!
LaForge, softly: Alllll by myself, don't wanna be allll by myself-
Picard: The ops officer is merely using the lavatory, Geordi. Unless you were referring to your love life, in which case I would advise you to spend more time in Ten-Forward.
Troi: Data, RUN! BLADE RUNNER!
Worf: Just think, ensign, after twenty years of faithful service you may find yourself at the same exact post. No other military in the quadrant offers that kind of job security. Isn't that right, Mr. Kim?
Ensign Kim, OS: You betcha.
Picard: So you're saying the countdown counter will continue to count down until 0:01, regardless of how quickly we disable the system?
Yar: Always. Engineering rule. Applies to the Corridor of Chompy Crushy Things, too.
Picard: Oh, I love the Corridor of Chompy Crushy Things. Marvelous way to get rid of precocious ensigns.
PICARD: It's okay to cry when you're in the penalty box.
TASHA: Actually, I'm not going to cry, I'm a Starfleet officer in front of my Captain.
PICARD: It's okay to cry.
TASHA: Starfleet officers are trained to expect to face death on a regular.
PICARD: You can cry.
TASHA: Umm...okay. Ah hah hah. Waa?
RIKER: I knew this couldn't be reality. There could never be a Ferengi in Starfleet, not in only sixteen years!
WORF: Simulation, sir? I worked with the first Ferengi in Starfleet myself at DS9.
RIKER: Right. What command officer would ever sponsor a Ferengi?
WORF: Err...Captain Sisko, sir. This is reality, sir, and you're acting very racist.
Teaser:
Act One:
Act Two:
Act Three:
Act Four:
Act Four:
Troi: Oh god, Will why are temporal investigations here?
Act One:
Troi: Oh god, Will why are temporal investigations here?
Act Two:
Troi: Oh god, Will why are temporal investigations here?
Act Three:
Troi: Oh god, Will why are temporal investigations here?
Act Four:
Troi: Oh god, Will why are temporal investigations here?
Act Four:
Troi: Time Loop?
Riker: Time Loop. Don't worry, this is the last time.
Troi: As long as it's not an alternate reality or a glimpse of the future. I'm usually dead or "missing"in those.
Riker: Nope, just another run-of-the-mill time loop. We'll have this fixed in no time. We'll have this fixed in no time. We'll...
Troi: NOT. FUNNY. WILL.
Troi: "Data, the turbolift doors have opened and Will and a unknown person have arrived on the bridge."
Data: "Thank you Councilor for stating the obvious."
LaForge: "You know, Councilor Troi would be essential if this were a old radio show."
Data: "But it isn't such a show and she really serves no purpose."
LaForge: "Now who's stating the obvious?"
New Photos!
Chief Medical Officer's Log: While the entire crew has started running around the ship playing Pokemon Go, I'm running the bridge on my own. What's this button do?
Riker: Ro, fire phasers.
Ro: Why?
Riker: Worf has never asked that question...
Chief Medical Officer's Log: While the entire crew has started running around the ship playing Pokemon Go, I'm running the bridge on my own. What's this button do?
Riker: Ro, fire phasers.
Ro: Why?
Riker: Worf has never asked that question...
Beverly: "Cheif Medical officer's personal log: the situation has grown critical: Geordi reports were are three minutes from a warp core breech and the saucer will seperate, likely forcing a landing on Veridian III from the resulting explosion of the Stardrive section. Commander Riker has called for counselor Troi to take the helm and I have taken it upon myself, based upon passed performance, to try and to lock her out the navigation system..."
Riker: "Mr. LaForge..."
Geordi: "Yes, commander?"
Riker: "There's only room on this Bridge for one beard-o."
Bev: Computer, is everyone gone?
Computer: Negative. Commander LaForge is the last man alive.
Bev: I see. So are the holodecks still online?
Ro: We didn't have beard trimmers growing up in a Cardassian labor camp....
Riker: Oh here we go.
Ro: Hey, either of you two mind if I stroll down to Engineering to do LaForge's job since he's taking over mine? No? Great. I'm really good at rolling under compartment doors.
Hours later, the crewman taking Wesley's duty shift was confused by the "Good morning, handsome! Have good day! Mom loves you!" message on his console.
Riker: "Geordi, it's been 3 days now. Stop using the ship to play Pokemon Go."
LaForge: "Let me just try across the event horizon of that black hole."
Crusher: "The state of this console! Dust, burger fat, ketchup, greasy fingerprints, mucus, is that a buttprint...? Oh god, don't tell me that's dried semen... I'm going to have to have a word with Wesley."
Picard os: "Wesley sits at the helm console. It's Data who sits at Ops... and Eww!"
Crusher: Huh, apparently Data spends most of his time sexting the ship, and the ship, well, I never!
Riker: Do you think the Captain is enjoying the "everyone takes a different job" day Starfleet requested we implement?
Ro: We can find out, "Bridge to Sick Bay."
Picard: *off-screen* Not now, Lt. I have to reattach Mr. O'Brien's arm, he's been kayaking again.
Riker: Don't you mean pop his dislocated shoulder back into place?
Picard: *off-screen* Well, it started out dislocated...
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