Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #470: Shorthanded

[LeadHead]

Last set of photos! New Contest this weekend!

Picard: Not to worry, Number One. You're in good hands. Starbase 74, warp 2, engage.

Riker: You've pressed 5 buttons, why do we have a dedicated helm station?

Picard: This is so humiliating, I have to practice my transporter skills with the Driver's Ed emergency controls ready to go.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Picard's broke out into his Symphony for Ressikan Flute at the oddest moments

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: Nice work, rookie. You just scattered the Away Team across half the Quadrant.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Stink nuts laser shield - ACTIVATE!
Wesley: And that's why he's the Captain.

Riker: Away team to Enterprise, four to beam up.
Picard: Yes? Hello? Can I help you sir?
Riker: Four to beam up, Enterprise.
Picard: This is the Enterprise speaking. Hello who is there?
Riker: Four to beam up!
Picard: For teaming up?
Riker: No, FOUR PEOPLE - TO BEAM UP!
Picard: I will connect you with technical support. Hold please.
Riker: WHO IS THIS?!
Picard: I am Ensign Man'Voh'TorHekwanistoniboomarang Federation.
Riker: WHAT?!
Picard: Kip.
Riker: "Kip"?
Picard: Yes, that's right. Kip. Lieutenant Kip Man'Voh'TorHekwanistoniboomarang Federation.
Riker: Ensign or Lieutenant Kip whatever Federation?? ARE YOU EVEN ON THE SHIP??
Picard: Well where else would I be, breathing methane inside a terrarium cubicle on the sixteenth jungle moon of Xphonianus IIX? I ask you sir! No I am on board the United Federation of Planets USG 1701 Dash T just like a normal bipedal humanoid in an oxygen-carbon dioxide atmosphere under the same polymorphic subspatial pantheon of hyperevolved plasmoid deities as you sir.
Riker: Well four to beam up, "Kip"!
Picard: I am sorry sir I will have to connect you with technical support. I cannot understand your accent I only speak Federation Standard. <hold music plays>
O'Brien: You want me to tell them they just missed Lieutenant Kip again, sir?
Picard: Ask Riker to spell his name for your report.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Picard: "Look, no hands!"
Riker: "Very good, sir."
Picard: "Wheee!"

Captain's personal log: "My plans for shore leave on Rynax, exploring the ancient ruins of the Gralbo have been cancelled, as O'Brien and I have to serve three weeks re-education and probation on Starbase 323. Who knew that the FSPCA would frown on us playing transporter tennis using Spot as the ball? The cat wasn't significantly harmed, and kept most of its fur."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Here we go...

Crusher: Hmm, all these red flashing lights and sirens have to mean something, right? I wish I hadn't taken the pilot course the same day as Deanna...

Ro: It's called "The View Screen" Sir.

Riker: Cool, never noticed that before.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: Arggh! A static shock. There's clearly something wrong with the wiring in these consoles, we should look into it. Someone could get hurt...

O'Brien: No, it's fine. You have my console. I don't mind dragging this other console in from the back room just so I can do my actual job whilst you press the buttons and go "Zoom zoom"

 

[Leviathan]

In the 24th Century...'air helmsman' had repalced 'air guitar'.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "Tap, tap, tap, tappy tap, tappity tap tap tap."

Riker: "Sir, I don't think you're taking this serious."

Picard: "Sure I am."

Riker: "Captain, you just blew Wesley out an airlock."

Picard: "And I don't take that seriously?"

 

[Jedman67]

Picard: "404 Away Team Not Found?!?!? Install New Transport Driver? What the hell is wrong with this machine, Chief???"
O'Brien: "I'm sorry sir, Wesley just came by yesterday and upgraded us to Windows 10."
Picard: "Wesley? Let's see about that....(presses button) good riddance and problem solved!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "404 Away Team Not Found?!?!? Install New Transport Driver? What the hell is wrong with this machine, Chief???"
O'Brien: "I'm sorry sir, Wesley just came by yesterday and upgraded us to Windows 10."
Picard: "Wesley? Let's see about that....(presses button) good riddance and problem solved!"

O'Brien: "It says now: The Captain has Performed an Illegal Operation and Will Now be Shut Down."

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Dr. Crusher would regret her choice to use the quiet night shift to investigate the crew's fanfic preferences.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: Annnnd Boris Johnson becomes Foreign Minister in a time of increased conflict and turmoil in the world!

Riker: Sir, I object, using our power of slingshot time travel to do all these things to the British just because you've been mistaken for one once too often...

Picard: THEY HAVE REAPED WHAT THEY SOWED.

Riker: Did Bowie have to die as well?

Picard: YES.

 

[Finn]

Picard: Watch me, Wesley. I'll show you how we did it when I had my first assignment back in the day.

Wesley: (OS) But this console doesn't have any knobs and dials....

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Doctor, that's the last operational console on the ship! We need it to save us from a warp core breach!!!!!
CRUSHER: In a minute, I'm updating my Spacebook status!

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Now, if I could just remember how to do the Picard Maneuver.

Riker: That's what she said.

Picard: Well...I'm bored. Is this how it is all the time for you? What do you do to stay sane?

O'Brien: I'm writing a book filled with little comics about my day.

Picard: Even your hobby is lame.

 

[NigellaDeanna20]

RIKER: ...and this is the bridge, where people pretend to look busy.

TROI: Oh god! not HER again!

DATA: So, what exactly does Worf do here then?!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard: Took the ship out without a scratch. I've still got the ol' piloting skills;
Wesley: That was the autopilot, sir, but you monitored it really well.

Picard: O'Brien...tell me the truth. Have you ever tried to beam people into different clothes?
O'Brien: No, sir.
Picard: I just wonder if it's possible. These are the things that keep me up at night, lieutenant.
O'Brien: Petty officer, sir.
Picard: And that's another thing that keeps me up at night, remembering your rank. I could swear you were a lieutenant yesterday.

 

[Tenacity]

Riker (os): Riker to Enterprise, emergency beam up.
Picard: Right ... beaming up ... now.
O'Brien: Uh sir, the transporter platform.
Picard: Merde, where did that beagle come from?

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Remember those cool controls on Pike's Enterprise that you could wave your hands in front of and make stuff happen?
RIKER: What about them?
PICARD: We don't have them, do we?