TNG Caption This! 317: Did you see that?

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! I look forward to the day that I finally get my caption contests back to a weekend start, will this weekend be it? I dunno. We'll have to play this one out...

First up to the plate, we have the "Well, it's progress, isn't it?" Award, going to:

Geordi: Second base! Woo-hoo!
Tasha: um, Geor....ur, never mind...
Geordi: Woo!

Next, we have the "Special Skills" Award, going to:

Riker: "Guinan, you always have the most beautiful anvil styled hats on."
Guinan: "Commander, I've never seen anybody pull off a stiff back craned neck walk as authoritatively as you."
Wesley: "Um, I think I'll see you guys later." *leaves*

Next, we have the "System Failure" Award, going to:

DATA: Data to Bridge. The holodeck appears to be malfunctioning. I asked for a great comedian and it gave me Joe Piscopo.

Next, we have the "Worthy Adversary" Award, going to:

Data: "It is in the corner, Lieutenant."
Worf: "Indeed. This spider is a shrewd tactician, and will be a worthy foe."

Next, we have the "Whodunnit?" Award, going to:

Picard: Well, if wasn't you and it wasn't me... then who was it?

[Picard and Riker turn and look at Worf]

Worf: If I did it you'd all be unconscious right now.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Picard: Capital idea, taking a page out of Mister Worf's book, Number One.
Riker: Cultural identity is the rule, sir.

Captain's Log Supplimental: My security chief is a snarling brute who can't win a fight, my counselor can't do anything useful beyond state the obvious, my helmsman is blind, my first officer is an annoying boob and I can't go a week without my engineer doing something stupid to make me fire them. I truly am on the voyage of the damned.

Picard: Will... Did Tasha do something different with her hair today?

Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Lets start a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

La Forge: And this is the ship we'll all get transferred to if we fail this mission.

Troi: I feel you have murderous intent-

Picard: Well, one of you is gonna have to change clothes.

La Forge: The Tricorder 4S, Captain. It's all set up, but Starfleet really should've kept using the Google Starcharts.

Worf: These allergies are WITHOUT honor!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Vash: "Please, Jean Luc. They don't allow pets in the hotel rooms on Risa."
Q: "It's only for a week."
Picard: "No! I will not babysit a chimpanzee!"

Picard: "Quite an extensive collection you have here, Geordi."
LaForge: "Tell me the truth, Captain. Do you think it's pathetic that I collect candid 'wardrobe malfunction' pics?"
Picard: "No. It's the fact that they were all taken in the holodeck that's pathetic."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Troi: (thinking) They're not feeling any firmer

 

[Triskelion]

Laffy: I don't know what it is either, Captain, but it was vibrating when I scanned Troi's suitcase.

Whale probe: Decker had an Ilia probe, Riker gets a Dolphin probe.
Deans: Eee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeee!

Picky: Well the good news is the Doctor has vaccinated us all for the expedition.
Qbert: And the bad news?
Picky: The local escorts require currency.

Sir-Lafs-a-Lot: Here you go, Captain. VISOR scans of Tasha, Troi and Beverly.

Dirty Jeans: What? No Ogawa?

Sir-Lafs-a-Lot: Ogawa said no.

Science crew <suffocating>: HOLY...MOTHER OF...SHA-KA-REE!
Worfy: It is a good day to die!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

GEORDI: As you can see Captain, every ship design from the last ten years is ugly, terrible, and not even that practical.
PICARD: You mean, except the Enterprise.
GEORDI: Throw a rock at either nacelle and the ship explodes.
PICARD: Good point.

TROI: Not again! Why does every energy creature go inside ME?!

VASH: I'm only going with you to make Jean Luc jealous.
Q: That's okay. I'm going with you for the same reason.

PICARD: Hmm...very interesting scans of the spatial anomaly...phase...neutrino...
GEORDI: You're holding the tricorder upside down.
PICARD: Right.

WORF: Sure, blame the klingon!

 

[Mistral]

Every Trekkie's dream...

 

[Mistral]

Worf: "Who put superglue on the console?!?"

 

[Mistral]

VASH: I'm only going with you to make Jean Luc jealous.
Q: That's okay. I'm going with you for the same reason.

Picard: "You are NOT pressuring me into a threesome!"

 

[R. Star]

Captain's Log: We're answering the distress call from yet another crappy Oberth class science ship. I don't even know why Starfleet sends these things out. Something always goes wrong, we have to save their asses and then do the mission they were supposed to be doing anyways.

Betazoid heartburn exhibited some unusual symptoms when compared to humanity's version.

Picard: You and Vash? Well it seems only appropriate she's wearing the pants.
Q: Big talk from a man in a dress.

Picard: You designed an OS that's not Windows or Apple? 300 years too late Mr. LaForge.

Picard: We will not fire on the alien vessel attacking us... hail them aga--
Worf: (Sneezes loudly)
Riker: Problem Mr. Worf?
Worf: I'm allergic to pansies, sir.

 

[Gary7]

TFTW, Leadhead.

Geordi never let an opportunity pass to show off his mysterious ability to draw solid lines with his finger on any surface. Now if only he could do circles...

Another curious anomaly with Betazed physiology: Stunning them with a phaser brings on an instant orgasm.

Q: "Picard, since I can't procreate with humans, I'd like you to be the surrogate father to my son. I need you to have sex with Vash."
Vash: "C'mon Jean-Luc, just one time in the sack for old time's sake"
Picard: "I'm not buying this for one minute. And for old time's sake? My embarrassing STD treatment with the ship's doctor wasn't something I'd like to repeat."
Q: "Ah, haaaaaaaa!"
Vash: "Oh, damned. Well thanks, Jean-Luc. I just lost my leverage."

LaForge: "Uh... sir, I can explain."
Picard: "I think you'd better. This looks like Japanese anime to me, not the data I requested for this morning's briefing."

Worf: "What... what is that SMELL!"
Crewman (behind): "Oh damned... I think I should have passed on the triple bean burritos for lunch."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

LaForge: "There's no question, Captain. The captain's cabin in the Oberth-class definitely has more closet space than in the Galaxy-class."
Picard: "Bastards!"

Vash: "Cheer up, Jean Luc, there's no shame in losing your girl to an omnipotent being. I think Q won my heart that first time he and I made love on the soft grasses of the African savannah...and not a single mosquito bite!"

 

[Gary7]

Picard: "Odd... something is wrong with this tricorder. It keeps going on and off."
Geordi: *click* *click* *click* *click*

 

[Mojochi]

Captain's Log: It will be necessary while at the next starbase to have Mr. Laforge's visor readjusted.
For the time being, I don't have the heart to tell him his depth perception is off, & he's not really pressing any buttons

Betazoid menstruation is a bitch

Picard: Q... I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing your knees... again

Picard: And why again are the birds so angry?

Picard: Worf! No more Gagh! If you damage the environmental control systems again I'm transferring you to engineering

Laforge: (Over Comm) Not unless you want my resignation

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Q: "Go ahead, Jean Luc. Try it on. Hell, no one is more 'pithy' than you."

 

[bullethead]

Picard: An Oberth? Again? Can't Starfleet Command send us to help any of the ships that aren't nearly a century old?
Geordi: Sorry sir, there's no room in the budget for that.

Picard: Will you agree to leave if I marry the two of you?
Q: And spare Janeway the torment of dealing with me?
Picard: Damn it... alright, you can stay here until the end of the week, but that's it. Now, I have a conference to attend in a ridiculous outfit.

Everyone's respect for Beverly jumped when they saw the technobabble on her medical tricorder was even more indecipherable than the stuff on the regular tricorder.

Worf: ENOUGH COUNSELOR! We have suffered through your emoting an uselessness for seven years! The madness must end!

Worf: You have no idea how satisfying this is.

 

[IzzyAtWarp9]

Geordie: As you can see here, Captain, we've managed to- Hmm, that's funny...
Picard: What is it Mr La Forge?
Geordie: Well when I updated the system this morning everything was working perfectly. But now-
Computer: Warning! Warp core breach in 12 minutes
Geordie: What the-??! I THOUGHT WE TOLD EVERYONE NOT TO LET WESLEY INTO ENGINEERING!

Deanna: Beverly? What are you- AAAHHHRGH!!!
Beverly: That's for not stopping Jean-Luc take an away team to Minos!!

Picard: Hello and welcome back to Are You Smarter Than Data? And we are down to our final question. This will be a buzzer round so fingers on consoles. So... The final question... What was the name... Of the First Officer on the Enterprise A?
*both buzzers go off, Vash's slightly faster*
Picard: Vash?
Vash: Spock!
Picard: That is correct! Well done, Vash, you have won Are You Smarter Than Data!! Now, Q, as you've lost, it's time to look into Camera B and say 'I am Q and I am not sma-
Q: Err.. Jean-Luc? I think you're forgetting something
Picard: Err... What?
Q: Who's the omnipotent god-like being who can read your thoughts and make anything happen on a whim?
Picard:... Vash it's time to look into Camera B...

Geordie: Here, Captain. I stayed up all night working on this new design
Picard: Oh, err... Thanks Geordie
Geordie: Well? What do you think??
Picard: Oh, erm, well.. That's clearly... That's clearly a thing isn't it?! I mean, err.. Wow.. That's... Yeah I've got to go

Picard: Worf, you have to go and meet Lwaxana Troi in transporter room 3. She'll be staying on the Enterprise for a few days on the way to a conference and... Worf?
Science crew: Everyone, take cover! He's gonna blow!

 

[Gary7]

Deanna couldn't help but spontaneously combust when she saw Beverly's horrible taste in civilian clothes.

Picard: "Worf, when I said that gargoyles used to perch above all and bring protection from evil, I wasn't suggesting you should try becoming one. Now cut it out!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Vash: "We're going to Africa to search for the 'Great White Ape'!"
Picard: "A Mugatu?"
Q: "Tarzan, fool!"

 

[shivkala]

Captain's Log, Supplemental. I am quite impressed at the progress Lt. LaForge is making on the executive washroom I asked for.

As she was being possessed, Troi was thankful she had a few options from her closet to accent her possessor.

Captain's Log, as unpleasant as it was having my parents explain it, somehow, Q and Vash sitting me down for "The Talk" is even more uncomfortable.

Geordi handed over the Tricorder to Picard seconds before remembering, that, as usual, he was still reading /r/foreveralone on Reddit.

The crew hated it when Riker would wear his Sex Panther cologne.