TNG Caption This! 317: Did you see that?

[Ln X]

Picard: Mr La Forge, why is this schematic not of the Enterprise?
La Forge: Er... Practical joke from the designers of Utopia Planetia Shipyards?

There is a reason why 24th sex toys are banned in Starfleet...

Picard: I'm sorry but I don't do threesomes.
Q: Not even with an immortal omnipotent being like me?
Vash: Just think of the possibilities...

La Forge: This tricorder has been rigged with ten percent more oral sensitivity and eight percent more anal sensitivity.

Captain's Log supplemental: Worf's targpox continues to be highly infectious and has everyone nearby in hives.

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: Why, this car is automatic. It's systematic, it's hydromatic. Why, it's greased lightning. We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads, oh yeah.

PICARD: Keep talking, whoa, keep talking.

GEORDI: Fuel injection cutoffs and chrome plated rods, oh yeah.

PICARD: I'll get the money, I'll kill to get the money.

GEORDI: With a four-speed on the floor, they'll be waiting at the door. You know that ain't no shit, we'll be getting lots of tit in Grease Lightning.

PICARD: Sorry Geordi, you've lost me . Face it, you couldn't get laid in a whorehouse.

 

[Gary7]

Geordi: "Off, off, off!! Oh, dammit... friggin' touch controls!"
Picard: "Geordi... nice screen saver you have going here."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: I don't understand, how could an elephant even fit in your pajamas?

Q: You ready to dump this stiff?

VASH: And how!

 

[Gary7]

Geordi: "And this is my latest work that I'm planning to submit in the annual Enterprise art show."
Picard: "What's it called?"
Geordi: "Four lights."
Picard: "Excellent."

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: Due to a serious shipwide malfunction, the ship must be towed back to Starbase 12.
Picard: What is it?
Geordi: A big mushroom in space, but that's not important right now.

 

[Triskelion]

Q: Oh come on, Johnny, we need you in your jodhpurs to round out our little set!
Picard: No! They are my fancy riding jodhpurs and I shan't waste them on the likes of you!

 

[Trek Sifter]

Troi: No, no--that's not where I need laser hair removal!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Bet you'll think twice about "borrowing" my clothes now, Deanna!

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks for tthe belly laugh LH!

Picard: Wrong Pegasus La Forge, I wanted the one from BSG.

Rick Berman: It's not I'm against gay characters in Trek, it's just coincidence I keep using a ray gun to keep them in the closet.

Picard: To be honest Q, "Rash" would be a more accurate name for her if you know what I mean.

Vash: Sitting right here!

La Forge: I'm not saying your Myspace page doesn't look good Sir, I'm saying you're about 8 years too late.

Worf: *Thinking* If I stick behind the horseshoe the Captain might not notice I forgot my trousers.



Again.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "I hate to admit to being susceptible to jealously, but the mental image of you two making love is extremely distressing to me!"
Q: "Oh? Then, if I were you, I wouldn't open the jpeg attachments in that email I sent you this morning."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Interesting, according to this you had no Engineering experience when I made you Chief Engineer. You seemed to pick it up real quick. How'd you that?

O'BRIEN (os):***Cough***

LAFORGE: Oh, yeah. O'Brien would like to be Chief of Operations on DS9. Can you put in a good word?

PICARD: That should be an officer's post, but I'll see what I can do.

LAFORGE: Thanks.

 

[Gary7]

PICARD: Interesting, according to this you had no Engineering experience when I made you Chief Engineer. You seemed to pick it up real quick. How'd you that?

O'BRIEN (os):***Cough***

LAFORGE: Oh, yeah. O'Brien would like to be Chief of Operations on DS9. Can you put in a good word?

PICARD: That should be an officer's post, but I'll see what I can do.

LAFORGE: Thanks.

Ah, ha! Well, now it all makes sense.

 

[Nebusj]

``Now, this is the Auntie Anne's, and up there is the comic book shop, next to where the Border's used to be ... all right, you go meet Santa Claus and I'll get through Penny's and we'll meet at the Starbucks in an hour, OK?''
``... Make it snow.''

Deanna Troi's uniform starts regenerating into Patrick Troughton!

``I can't help thinking at least one of us is on the wrong set.''

``Clear, Geordi? Why, a four-year-old midshipman could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old midshipman.''

Worf's final day as the Enterprise's lead ASP.NET developer.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: I really shouldn't had that burrito for lunch.

 

[Triskelion]

Laffy: We had a choice between Vipers, X Wings, Star Furies or Oberth class ships. On the bright side, we get to look at Oberth schematics on our monitors.

Picky: Do they at least go pew pew pew Mister Laforge?

 

[TommyR01D]

Picard: But the Oberth Class is far too small.

Geordi: Sorry, Starfleet budget cuts come in next month, we have to downsize.

Picard: Is there not some sort of fundraiser we can do?

Geordi: We're already at breaking point...

...Deanna's even started doing commercials for chest pain medicine.

 

[LeadHead]

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