TNG Caption This! 316: Brace for Comedy!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Haven't yet managed to get things back to normal on weekend contests, but we're getting back to not being a week behind schedule anymore!

First up to the plate, we have the "Unnecessary Nudity" Award, going to:

Picard (OS): "It's...uh...it's called the 'Lotus Position.' I managed to get into it okay, but I...uh...I don't seem to be able to get out of it."
Riker: "Perhaps, next time, you should do it in your quarters, sir. With the door locked."
Troi: "Also, I don't think it is required that you do it nude."

Next, we have the "This Gastrointestinal distress is without honor!" Award, going to

Geordi: Did you have the Mexican meal choice too?!
Worf: Today was not a good day for tacos!

Next, we have the "Not only does he deliver babies..." Award, going to:

The Enterprise was left with a skeleten crew, and with Dr. Crusher incapacitated, Worf was tasked with giving the crew their prostate exams.

Next, we have the "They hate the players, and screw over the games" Award, going to:

SPHERE: I am the XBox Fifty. You talked about a copyrighted game with the other bridge crew, and now you must pay the price.
PICARD: How did you know?!
SPHERE: I am always watching.

Next, we have the "Phoning it in" Award, going to:

GEORDI: You gotta help me Riker! I've got dates with two girls on the same night!

FRAKES (thinking): We've gotta stop using sitcom plots as B stories.

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Captain's log, supplemental: The ship's automated dandruff retrieval system has gained sentience! It is trying to communicate on a Pantene interferometric frequency! The follicles! The follicles!

Geordi (OS): "Ah, I kneeeeeeeeeew it!!"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Here comes the new images!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

La Forge: You need to start using a moisturizer.

Riker: Are we still pretend flirting or are we actually flirting now?

Guinan: I was hoping that you knew.

Comic: And I thought my jokes were bad.

Captain's Log: Since starfleet has cut our budget again, we have started pulling Casino Heists to make ends meat.

Riker: What do you think?

Picard: You. With a beard. NO.

 

[Supernuke]

The three-way staring contest idea did not work out as well as any of them had hoped.

 

[R. Star]

Ack, forgot to enter the last contest! Grats to the winners though!

Geordi: (whispering) I see dead people...

Riker/Guinan thinking: (If we stare at each other long enough and don't say anything maybe he'll go away)

Joe Piscopo: They think -I'm- the funniest comedian ever in the future? We're doomed.

Worf: Some alien technology?
Data: Scans indicate it is a chamber pot.

Captain's Log Supplimental: My security chief is a snarling brute who can't win a fight, my counselor can't do anything useful beyond state the obvious, my helmsman is blind, my first officer is an annoying boob and I can't go a week without my engineer doing something stupid to make me fire them. I truly am on the voyage of the damned.

 

[Amaris]

"These aren't my glasses."

...and Wesley never had sex again.

Data: "...the COW-boys of Moo-Mesa."

Data: "It is in the corner, Lieutenant."
Worf: "Indeed. This spider is a shrewd tactician, and will be a worthy foe."

Picard: "He's right behind me, isn't he?"

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard: Well, if wasn't you and it wasn't me... then who was it?

[Picard and Riker turn and look at Worf]

Worf: If I did it you'd all be unconscious right now.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Yar (thinking): "What a sweet, romantic moment! If only he doesn't press my nose with his thumb and say 'Beep! Beep!' like last time. Oh, crap, he's gonna do it!"

Wesley: "Um...could you two excuse me for a sec? I think I just threw up a little in my mouth."

Picard: "So, a strange woman picks you up in a bar, takes you to her place, introduces you to a highly-addictive, electronic 'game' that directly effects the brain, suggests you take this 'game' back to the Enterprise and let all your shipmates try it, and you don't find that suspicious? Are we thinking with our 'little head' again, Commander?"

 

[Vulcan Logician]

Picard: What you talkin' bout, Willis?

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: Odd, I thought your skin would feel more life like, Data.

YAR: I'm Tasha, you idiot!

PICARD: Whatchu talkin' about Willis?

RIKER: Is he still sitting there?

GUINAN: Yes.

RIKER: Okay, I guess ignoring him won't make him go away.

DATA:According to the historical database, your career pretty much tanked after SNL.

PISCAPO: Computer end program!!!!

WORF: It a urinal, Captain. But not as we know it.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Ninja'd by the Vulcan Logician

 

[JirinPanthosa]

TASHA: WATER Geordi! WA-TER!
GEORDI: I'm not deaf. I just use the blind thing to to get to touch women's faces.

FRAKES: This is supposed to be *good* flirting?
GOLDBERG: They're scifi screenwriters. I'm impressed that it's not worse!

DATA: Data to Bridge. The holodeck appears to be malfunctioning. I asked for a great comedian and it gave me Joe Piscopo.

WORF: Wait. A large bowl of water...Data, those people who told you to bring me here, were they more of those human missionaries who try to baptize aliens?
DATA: I don't believe so lieutenant. They only told me they needed my help to save your eternal...
WORF: Goodbye.

PICARD: So you're telling me, we won't be exploring deep space?
RIKER: We will never be more than one week's travel from Federation space.
PICARD: You've got to be shitting me.

 

[Nerys Myk]

The computer begins playing Lionel Ritchie's "Hello".

TASHA: oh...crap.

 

[Finn]

GEORDI: Odd, I thought your skin would feel more life like, Data.

YAR: I'm Tasha, you idiot!

GEORDI: That explains it.




Yeah, I'm terrible

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: Grandma?
Tasha: Oh no he di'in't!

Wesley: Can you show me flirting when you're done making creepy prows on a Viking ship?

Comedian: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?
Data: Quantum dipoles.

Worf: Away team to Enterprise. I'm inspecting the room now. Alert the Gideons to stand by.

Picard: Dane Cook. A better comic than George Carlin.
Riker: According to the holodeck record, yes, sir.
Worf: Shall I escort the Commander to the brig, sir?
Picard: Yes, Worf. And inform engineering to find out what the hell is up with the holodeck this week.

 

[Gary7]

Tasha began to think that this may not have been a good idea

Guinan: "Hmmm, let's see. Your cheek bones are a bit high, we could bring them down just a touch. And this nose? Tasha my girl, I think you need this turned up a bit, a little bit o' Irish!"

Wesley didn't exactly volunteer to be the judge of Riker and Guinan's 98th staring contest, and began to wish he'd hit the head before they started.

How many starfleet officers does it take to change a torchier halogen light bulb?

Picard: "You're definitely wearing lifts and that's against Starfleet regulations!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "This stage lighting makes the color of my uniform appear to be a kind of muddy brown."
Piscopo: "It don't do your face no favors, either!"

 

[Vulcan Logician]

Guinan: Saving the ship an innumerable amount of times doesn't give you the right to sit at this table.
Riker: No truer words were ever spoken.

 

[Mr. Adventure]

Geordi: Second base! Woo-hoo!
Tasha: um, Geor....ur, never mind...
Geordi: Woo!

 

[Gary7]

Riker: "Guinan, you always have the most beautiful anvil styled hats on."
Guinan: "Commander, I've never seen anybody pull off a stiff back craned neck walk as authoritatively as you."
Wesley: "Um, I think I'll see you guys later." *leaves*

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "Guinan! How very bold of you to put your foot in my crotch!"
Guinan: "What! I don't have my foot in your crotch! You've got your foot in my crotch!"
Wesley: "Heh."