TNG Caption This! 295: LeadHead's Tardy Start

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! So sorry about the long wait this time, December remains very crazy for me.

First up to the plate, we have the "Starship Psychology" Award, going to:

How to get a starship to blush. Tell her she has cute nacelles.

Next, we have the "Ineffective Attack" Award, going to:

RIKER: An old rusty pipe versus a razor-sharp blade? What am I supposed to do, kill you with tetanus?

Next, we have the "PICARRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!" Award, going to:

Picard pulled the old "Ceti Alpha V" trick on Wesley in order to ruin his holodeck date.

Next, we have the "Thinking Ahead" Award, going to:

So, are we going to beam over and probably almost all die or just admit it's an obvious trap for once?

Next, we have the "In Depth Analysis" Award, going to:

Pulaski: My Tricorder says "ZOMBIE"...

Tag-Team Award, goes to:

.

WORF: Have you ever heard the Klingon proverb: "Never bring a pipe to a Bat'leth fight."

Riker: "Here's a little trick I learned from reading about Captain Kirk."

Riker turns the pipe towards Worf, and fires a diamond the size of his fist into Worf's chest, using homemade gun powder.

Riker: "Never bring a Bat'leth to a gun fight moron."

The Photoshop Award goes to:

Riker: You can tell it's an old ship. They've had their blinker on for the last five light years!

Salia: "So, Wes, do you go on these 'holodeck dates' often?"
Wesley: "Oh, yeah, all the time! This is the first time I ever brought anyone with me, though."
Salia: "Um...ew!"

Thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

Sorry again for the big delay. Given how late the start is, I'll see how the response rate is on this one before I decide when I'll start the next one.

And now, blu-ray images from "The Child!"

 

[LeadHead]

Now, if this is how many people are usually in the shuttlebay, how is it that anybody can steal a shuttle?!

Riker: LeadHead finally started the next contest.

Data: He's going by Mozzie, Sir.

Worf: Sorry.

Pulaski: Cleanup, aisle 3.

Picard: Deanna, I brought Doctor Pulaski to your dinner party! This will be fun!

Wesley: Captain-

Picard: Please by silent, it's harder to pretend you're not here when you speak.

 

[Mojochi]

Science Officer: You know how much science I've worked on since I've been assigned to this transporter room? Uh, bloody none, goddammit!

Picard: And allow me to introduce you to Deanna Troi. I'm sure you'll get on marvelously. I suppose she's kind of like a doctor

Picard saved random statistical analyses to pull up on occasions where someone duller than a statistical analysis was in the room

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD (half heartedly ) Wait. Beverly. Don't. Go.

SPINER: If I knew we'd be in HD, I would have trimmed my nosehairs.

WORF: We wish to "speak" with Leadhead about the nature of these contests.

MOZZIE: Never heard of him

PICARD: I hate it when she leaves, but love to watch her go.

PULASKI: It is too early to request a transfer?

WES: You needed to see me, sir?

PICARD: Ah yes, how do I get out of "screen saver"?

 

[JonnyBoy]

Yay, won an award in my first contest! Thanks LeadHead!

Shuttlecraft: Does this starship make my aft look big?

OR

Crewman 1 (giggling): Does the counselor know she doesn't need to back it in?

Crewman 2 (giggling): We'll tell her after she crashes it, tehehe!

Data (quietly): Sir, the Captain just walked out of the head. Do you see that piece of tissue on his shoe?

Riker (urgently): No, and neither do you, Mr. Data. Just keep staring at the screen and pretend everything is ok.

Data: Understood, sir.

Crewman 1: Dammit, Mr. Worf always has to be the first one on scene.

Crewman 2: How is that even possible when he has to run all the way down from the bridge? Next week I'm going to have Ensign Smith setup a false alarm in the aft torpedo launcher. Let's see him try to beat us to THAT!

Diana Muldaur (to Patrick Stewart): Marina just walked into our shot...

Patrick Stewart: Yes, I see that!

Marina Sirtis: Is this my mark?

Picard: Mr. Crusher, I thought I told you not to download apps without my permission.

Wesley: But sir, I only wanted to try out the new Angry Birds: Klingons! It has a new hairy bird with a bat'leth!

 

[T'Girl]

Girl: "zzzzzzzzzzzz."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Picard: We changed our minds! Take her back!

Riker: Damn, Deanna has gone and put in a demand for child support against me!

Data: The odds of the CSA believing the father is really a space fairy are minimal Sir.

Worf: Arrest the intruder!

Riker: It's me Worf, I just grew a beard.

Worf: Set phasers on kill!

Picard: Deanna, we've got a message from the female crewmembers on the news that you're not going to show any signs of having been pregnant. And the message is: Bitch.

Wesley: Captain, whilst packing up my mother's stuff I found a package with your name on it...

Picard: Did you open it?!

Wesley: No.

Picard: Good.

 

[BeatleJWOL]

Picard: Shut up, Wesley.

 

[Triskelion]

Science Officer: Ever get that - 'not so airtight' feeling?

What is it, Data?
It is..."The Waterboy," sir.
<foosball is the debil!>
Captain still on the away mission?
Yes sir.
Main Viewer.

Worf: That's it, Mrs O'Brien, you're coming with us. Your little dogfighting ring is over.

Keiko: What? Worf, these are children. Human children. In school.

Worf: Tell it to the judge. Tasers, gentlemen.

Picard: Commander Riker, you're supposed to be on the bridge.
Pulaski: Captain, it's clearly Counselor Troi.
Picard: Oh, yes. That answers a few questions.

Sir, about my date for the prom -
It's held on the holodeck for a reason, Wesley.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win, Lead "Mozzie" Head!

Blue-shirt: "Are you sure this is Blu-ray? Looks awfully like an upscale to me. Look at the softness, the lack of clarity."
Yellowshirt: "HTV-Illuminate instead of CBS Digital. They outsourced it."
Blue-shirt: "Aw crap. See if you can't get a refund."

Riker: "How's that refund coming?"
Data: "They refuse to honour it. They state that the film stock changed for season 2, resulting in a little more grain in the final image."
Riker: "A little more grain? I feel like I'm in a swamp full of mosquitoes. Hit them again. If that doesn't work, send out a feeler on the BBS. Let's see if we can't get a class action going."

Worf: "What in the name of Kahless!"
Data: "The last chief of security wished to know how fully functional I was..."
Worf: "Put your pants back on."
Data: "But..."
Worf: "Put your pants back on... sir!"

Picard: "Tell me Deanna, is this the outline of slimming bodyshaper pants I see under Dr Pulaski's tunic?"
Deanna: "I sense the greater discomfort of a girdle, Captain."
Pulsaski: "Damnable Blu-ray! We're getting a refund, and that's final!"

Picard: "Tell me Wesley, what kind of planet would you rather be marooned on? Desert, icy tundra, swamp, jungle, lava...?"
Wesley: "Sir?"
Picard: "Just making idle chitchat, boy. Just chitchat."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Science Officer: You know how much science I've worked on since I've been assigned to this transporter room? Uh, bloody none, goddammit!

Security officer: "That's because you're in the shuttlebay, Einstein!"

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

Stuck - for your capping pleasure.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Data: "The movie is called 'The Wicked Lady,' sir. The resemblance is quite remarkable!"
Riker: "Print me out a hardcopy of that scene right there."

Picard: "...Dr. Pulaski, on the other hand, prefers to treat mental disorders pharmacologically. She feels that your brand of counseling is just so much 'hooey,' and that counselors are little more than 'glorified witchdoctors.' I thought a spirited discussion between the two of you might be fun!"

Picard: "Wesley, I am very disturbed by this. I know it is normal for a young man your age to be keenly interested in sex, but...all these erotic images of your mother... Oh, wait! These are my files."

 

[Holdfast]

TFTW!

BLUESHIRT at console (thinking): Nice rack.
YELLOWSHIRT at console (thinking): If he looks one more time, I'm throwing him out after the shuttle.

RIKER: But the screen's blank! What does this mean?
DATA: I believe it's called Captioner's Block, Commander.

WORF: Uh, we'll come back later Captain. After you've, er, tidied yourself away.

PICARD (thinking): Dat ass!
PULASKI (thinking): Maybe if I clench real hard, I can still look like that.

WESLEY (blushing): You read my private Spacebook messages to Ensign Gomez?

 

[jespah]

Picard - Wesley, what's the meaning of sending me a file marked porn when it's really just a bunch of schematics?
Wesley - It's the only way I can get anyone to read my messages, sir.

 

[Triskelion]

Captain, I was scanning the temporal rift and I caught a glimpse into our future.
...
I want to go back to that guy Q turned me into.

Picard: Our crew has many special talents. For instance, without saying a word, Counselor Troi here can tell who is standing behind her using her empathic abilities.

Troi: Captain Picard and...Mister Homn?

You see Data? This is how a leader acts.
We would do well to emulate this scene, Commander.
Ok, Data. I'll take John Wayne's swagger.
And I will emulate the natural mannerisms <twitches head> of his horse.

 

[BriGuy]

Pulaski: Worf, why are you here?

Worf: This is human child birth, is it not?

Pulaski: Well, half human, but why?

Worf: I was told there would be blood...

 

[Finn]

Riker: Geordi! How many times do I have to tell you? Put the cardboard on the floor or the animatter leaks will stain it!

 

[Isis]

Woman on left: "I just figured out why this new mall is doing so poorly. They really should have put in more parking."

Man on right: "Ya think?"

Troi (out loud): "With Tasha dead and Beverly gone, I'm the only woman with a critical role on this ship. I love it!"

Troi (to self): "They're right behind me, aren't they?"

<Troi turns around>

Troi (out loud): "As I was saying, I'm the only woman with a critical role on this ship."

Picard: "I realize Luke Skywalker is your new role model, but for the last time, I am not your father."

Pulaski (OS): "Those men look possessed. What's going on? Should I get my medical kit?"

Troi (OS): "Calm down, Katherine. You must have missed the announcement. A meeting just ended and the leftover food is up for grabs."

 

[Nerys Myk]

BLUESHIRT: What do you mean "They're stuck"?