TNG Caption This! 294: Say hello to Season 2!

[LeadHead]

Happy Sunday night everyone! Very sorry for the late late start, without getting too deeply into it, I've been in a whirlwind of insane circumstances over the past few days.

First up to the plate, we have the "Bad connections" Award, going to:

Picard: I told you you couldn't hook a PADD up to a PC.

Next, we have the "Love hurts" Award, going to:

Yes yes, Mister Data, I don't think now is the time to factor to the nearest decimal point.

Yes sir. I just thought you might want to know why you've had no hits on Match.com.

Next, we have the "Spies Like we aren't anymore" Award, going to:

And that was the last time the crew looked in on what Picard and Crusher were up to.

Next, we have the "Live Long and Learn how to do the salute Properly" Award, going to:

Picard (OS): "Sorry, Geordi, but you're not quite ready for our Vulcan greeting party."

Next, we have the "Just nobody say anything..." Award, going to:

No one had the guts to tell Admiral Eastwood the chair was empty.

The Photoshop Award, goes to:

Picard: Deanna, we've invited you in here to discuss the results of your helmsman exam.

Picard: I'm sorry Mr. Worf, Will... But we can't wait any longer for your dates to turn up.

Thanks to everyone for participating and congratulations to our winners!

Thanks also for your patience. This month looks to be crazy for me so I can't guarantee that things will go smoothly, but I will try my best to keep things running smoothly.

With Season 2 on blu-ray coming out this week, lets celebrate with some season 2 images!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

La Forge: La Forge to Bridge, looks like that antimatter didn't agree with her.

Worf: I do not recognize you! I must kill you!

Riker: Geez, Worf! It's just a beard!

Wesley: Hey, Enterprise! Come back!!!

Worf: I'm getting a voice message, they say their chambers coil is overloading their comm system.

Picard: Data?

Data: Scanning, their coil emissions are normal.

Picard: (muttering in his sleep).... need to fire Pulaski.... bring Crusher back....

 

[Finn]

Data: It's the Saratoga

Riker: There's a Lieutenant Commader aboard we might be interested with. An engineer with ship design background. Plus he knows Dax. He's old so the next one might be a hot babe and come over visit...

Picard: Nah, I'm sure he'd be happier if he remained there.

 

[Gepard]

The Mark 1 Lens Flare Generators were less than impressive.

RIKER: [humming TOS fight theme] DUH duh DUH duh DUH DUH DUH DUH, duh DUH duh DUH duh DUH DUH DUUUUUUHHH...

WORF: Stop that!

Picard [reading]: "I brake for Romulans?"

"The readout says 'Madame Tussauds.'"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Bloody hell, Mr. Crusher! Just go around him!!!

 

[R. Star]

LaForge: Waste extraction successful, Captain.
Picard: Excellent work modifying the warp drive to run off the ship's sewage system.
LaForge: Let Dr Brahms say I fouled up her engine design now!

Riker: Wait Worf! What is this all about?
Worf: Klingon tradition dictates when a superior is incompetent, his subordinate assist with his honorable retirement.

Wesley: That's right baby, I'm gonna rock your world! Get it? We're on a rocky, planet? HAHAHA.
Salia: So, I guess this is your first date too?

Riker: This mission concerns me.
Troi: If you can't handle it, perhaps you should consider a transport ship. There's a lot less pressure there.
Picard: There's one right now.

Pulaski: (muttering) Crap! I have no idea how to work this thing. Why can't they just let me stick with my scalpels and leeches?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "You know what? I've changed my mind. Maybe the paintballs don't hurt too much after all."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PULASKI: Yep, he's drunk again.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Saucer Section Crewmember: "...what smells like pink?"

Riker: "Geordi sent me down to fix the plumbing. Man your quarters are a wreck."

Wesley: "I got her a Robert McCall painting. Bitches love Robert McCall."

Picard: "Numbah One, what ship is that?"

Riker: "The Saratoga, sir."

Picard: "Well, they're boned."

Pulaski: "He put himself to sleep with his own sanctimonious monologue!"

 

[Triskelion]

TFTWLH!!!

It's not a trek. Every trek ends, but we go on. One moon circling and we circle with it.

Plans disappear. Dreams take over. But wherever I go, there you are. My luck, my fate, my fortune. Enterprise No. D. Inevitable.

Riker: The safeword is "kway-sawnt."

Wesley: I spend hours on the holodeck painting the rings of Uranus.

<She knees him in the nards>

You see, Deanna? The blinkers turn off.

Pulaski: His insurance premiums are through the roof!

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFTW.

Data (OS, in shuttle behind ship): "Captain, why do the Enterprise's brake lights keep going on?"

Picard (OS, in shuttle behind ship): "Deanna must have convinced Will to give her more driving lessons."

 

[Bob Karo]

Data: GET IN THE RIGHT LANE, GRANDMA!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Salia: "See? When I asked for a romantic holodeck simulation, I meant something like this."
Wesley: "I see. So...the Motel Six bedroom simulation was...?"
Salia: "Not cool."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

How to get a starship to blush. Tell her she has cute nacelles.

Worf: " I must warn you. I am a twelfth level master at Mokbara, my skills with the bat'leth have been recognised on the homeworld, and I have never been defeated in personal combat."
Riker: "Yeah, well I've been watching Jackie Chan movies."

Salia: "You know when I said that I wanted you to take me to heaven and back, this isn't what I had in mind."

Khan os: "Give me Genesis!"
Picard: "Computer, transmits all works of the group Genesis, Phil Collins era. engage prefix code and set playback on loop."
...
...
Khan with strains of Sussudio in background: "Noooo! Your cruelty knows no bounds. We surrender. We surrender!"
Picard: "And that's how it's done, Numbah One! You handle the clean-up. I'll be in my ready room, feeding my fish."

Pulaski: "The tricorder confirms it. Excessive eye make-up. Alert ship's beautician. Stat. We have a 5-12 coming in. A 5-12."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks for the Crowning!

Berman: Hey Gene, remember how I said that completely avoiding all gay characters made us look kind of homophobic?

Roddenberry: I don't know why, I like a lesbian as much as the next man.

Berman: Yeah... anyway, when I said that as a progressive science fiction show we should do an episode that dealt with modern issues facing young gay men and women in the 1980's... I didn't really mean just make space a bit pink for the week.

Riker: OK, OK... I'm sorry I said it'd would have been better to make you the new Doctor and have the crabby old woman as security chief.

Worf:...and?

Riker: And that Tasha's rotting corpse could do your job better.

Wesley: So what do you think?

Salia: It's a beautiful romantic place. If a man were to actually go to the effort of taking me here rather than just showing it me on a Holodeck I'd so sleep with him.

Wesley: Damn.

Picard: Oh look, another 100 year old ship has come to grief. Star Fleet really need to invest in some new kit.

Troi: What is it Doctor?

Pulaski: It's just I hardly get to be in captions, I'm savouring the moment.

 

[ThankQ]

When you're an ass man, your an ass man all the way.

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD: Release the Light Scattering Red Matter!
RIKER: That should do it Captain; not even a chance of lens flare now.

RIKER: An old rusty pipe versus a razor-sharp blade? What am I supposed to do, kill you with tetanus?

WESLEY: So, am I getting lucky tonight?
SALIA: Look Wesley, a flock of airborne swine!

PICARD (thinking): I know Riker wants to hold hands, but Worf would see us from Tactical and our secret would be out.

PULASKI: Alcohol level is through the roof; no need to conduct a roadside sobriety test here. Throw him in the Brig to sober up before we process him.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Geordi: That's the last time I let Ensign Gaga refit the warp nacelles.

 

[Triskelion]

Romulan Commander Jarak Custo: Note ze way she distracts predators wiz a smokescreen of pink hydrozhen, in ze elegant ballet of interstellar melee.

Every day it's the same old thing: killing for honor, dying for honor, honoring the dead, ritual suicide. Sigh. I wish someone would program a Klingon ice cream parlor.

Oh? What's your favorite flavor?

Rocky Road with Gummy Gagh sprinkles.

Wesley: Oh, here's a Starbucks.
Salia: I thought you said this was an authentic reproduction.
Wesley: I'm in Starfleet. We don't lie.
Salia: Whatever.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Efficient.
Riker: Powerful.
Troi: Graceful.
Wesley: Auto-powered.

Fluctuating heart rate...elevated norepinephrine levels...cellular disruption...extreme - nippular chafing?