Things people often say you find amusing...
- Thread starter Warped9
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Speaking of commercial posters: Homemade.
Ah, I see, so your employees made it in their homes?!?!?
Ah, I see, so your employees made it in their homes?!?!?
Well, when a balloon goes down, it means the air rushes out of it, but if it were made out of lead, it wouldn't go down at all.
I don't think it's about it falling (down) to the ground.
Jumbo Shrimp. 
Right, that's how I've always understood it. However, if you hyphenate it as near-miss, the meaning changes. It becomes like "near-tragedy" or "near-accident," in which near is an adverb meaning almost. In that case, near-miss really does mean that two objects "nearly missed" each other -- or, in other words, they hit each other.
So, when using that phrase, avoid the hyphen and you'll be fine.
Thank you, George Carlin.Jumbo Shrimp.
Another modern oxymoron -- thanks to television talk shows -- is "guest host."
Well, which are you? Make up your mind and then come back to the party!
A "near miss" could also be a miss that was pretty close. As opposed to a far miss that wasn't so close. I don't think it depends on a hyphen.
A "guest host" is exactly that. Someone who hosts a show one time. Same thing as "guest star".
A "guest host" is exactly that. Someone who hosts a show one time. Same thing as "guest star".
Like when you get a new car, you have a baby with that "new baby" smell.
Except that talk TV has had regular guest hosts -- like when Joan Rivers and Jay Leno used to fill in for Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show.
Scientists have discovered the preserved remains of "dwarf mammoths." Isn't that just a regular-sized elephant?
"He gone!" - Ken Harrelson (White Sox TV guy) after an opposing batter strikes out
(Note that this is pretty much the only thing Harrelson ever says that is actually funny, as opposed to him being just a colossal douchebag.)
(Note that this is pretty much the only thing Harrelson ever says that is actually funny, as opposed to him being just a colossal douchebag.)
And why isn't there any blue food?Thank you, George Carlin.Jumbo Shrimp.
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Carlin---"Everyday Expressions."
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHhYLJMi7CE[/yt]
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHhYLJMi7CE[/yt]
^^ I love George Carlin. 
Speaking of food, I was at the supermarket in the frozen foods section and they had "crust-less chicken pot pie." Wouldn't that be just soup or stew?
Speaking of food, I was at the supermarket in the frozen foods section and they had "crust-less chicken pot pie." Wouldn't that be just soup or stew?
Ouch. That's unfortunate.
Maybe the expression has evolved over the years (like people saying "based off" now instead of "based on"-- which is another example, I suppose), but when I was a kid we used to say "went over like a lead balloon."
And they still only filled in for someone else. That's why they were still guest hosts.
Oh, hot water heater, yeah right. I thought buying a NEW one was somehow funny.
I hear this all the time at my store, and it cracks me up. I have on my work hat, my work shirt, a work apron, and people are always saying "DO YOU WORK HERE?!?" I'm like, what the fuck do you think I'm dressed like this for, genius? Fashion? #facepalm
HA! I had the "do you work here" question too when I worked somewhere that had a standard uniform. Let me see, the majority of the people in this store have the same green top on...all identical but no I don't work here - I just wanted to fit in
well, there's always the difference whether you work there or are employed there. While in order to do the first, it's required you are the latter, the opposite doesn't necessarily apply...
Haha - true
I have my moments
Well, I've lived long enough to have approached a person or two in a store, who's wearing a colored apron with a name tag, and asked them where such-and-such is, only to have them giggle and say, "Oh, I don't work here. I just came to shop after work." D'oh! It warrants maybe a brief chuckle or two to laugh with them before moving on.
Another one: they're in uniform, carrying a clipboard or other gear, and checking merchandise on the shelves, but, no, they don't actually work there, either. They're on the job, yes, but they're just a delivery person, or some other third party checking inventory in some capacity!
So, I think it's perfectly reasonable to open with, "Excuse me, do you work here?" Sometimes, I put it in a subtly rhetorical tone, for breaking the ice.
Another one: they're in uniform, carrying a clipboard or other gear, and checking merchandise on the shelves, but, no, they don't actually work there, either. They're on the job, yes, but they're just a delivery person, or some other third party checking inventory in some capacity!
So, I think it's perfectly reasonable to open with, "Excuse me, do you work here?" Sometimes, I put it in a subtly rhetorical tone, for breaking the ice.
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