Things people often say you find amusing...

[Warped9]

Things you here people say often that can be amusing, such as: "They're building a new Wal-Mart (in whatever town) and it's supposed to be big..." Really? As far as I know they're all big...and maybe some bigger than others. I don't think I've ever seen a small Wal-Mart. And that can be true of lots of other big box stores.

When have you ever heard someone say they're building a new big box store only it will be a smaller and friendlier size?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ The Walmart "Neighborhood markets" aren't really that big.

 

[RoJoHen]

The only small Walmarts I've ever seen have been really, really old.

 

[Amaris]

"I bought a new hot water heater."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ What's so amusing about that?

 

[Captain Ice]

They've been putting new, "neighborhood" sized Super Wal-Marts into older neighborhoods here for a couple of years now. First one of those that I saw go in went into an existing Mervyn's building.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I can't think of anything like that off the top of my head-- not at this hour, anyway-- but what sprung to mind was the title of an old B-Movie: The Giant Behemoth.

^ What's so amusing about that?

Because it's either redundant or redundant.

(And that had to be my subtlest joke of the week. )

 

[lurok]

"I'm not being racist/sexist/homophobic, but..."

 

[Warped9]

"I'm not being racist/sexist/homophobic, but..."

Yep, I've heard that often enough over the years. Another one comes up when someone is describing something they experienced and they feel the need to specify " he was a black fella" or "a Chinese lady" or something else even though it has nothing to do with the incident in question. Or even something like "I had a black or Muslim or gay friend...

Another one I hear often during the winter. "How can it be so cold?"

Uh, it's January (or December or Februrary or March) and you're in Canada---do the math.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Oh, hot water heater, yeah right. I thought buying a NEW one was somehow funny.

I hear this all the time at my store, and it cracks me up. I have on my work hat, my work shirt, a work apron, and people are always saying "DO YOU WORK HERE?!?" I'm like, what the fuck do you think I'm dressed like this for, genius? Fashion? #facepalm

 

[RoJoHen]

I hear this all the time at my store, and it cracks me up. I have on my work hat, my work shirt, a work apron, and people are always saying "DO YOU WORK HERE?!?" I'm like, what the fuck do you think I'm dressed like this for, genius? Fashion? #facepalm

Along those lines, I often get asked, "Where else do you work?"

Um...nowhere. I don't know what makes people think I must have another job, but I don't. Just one full-time job.

 

[Gary Mitchell]

Oh, hot water heater, yeah right. I thought buying a NEW one was somehow funny.

I hear this all the time at my store, and it cracks me up. I have on my work hat, my work shirt, a work apron, and people are always saying "DO YOU WORK HERE?!?" I'm like, what the fuck do you think I'm dressed like this for, genius? Fashion? #facepalm

I accidentally wore a red tee shirt when I went into Target one day. I stopped to help a lady get something off the top shelf. Another lady, thinking I worked there, asked where the hot chocolate was. Since I knew where it was, I took her there.

 

[RoJoHen]

Oh, hot water heater, yeah right. I thought buying a NEW one was somehow funny.

I hear this all the time at my store, and it cracks me up. I have on my work hat, my work shirt, a work apron, and people are always saying "DO YOU WORK HERE?!?" I'm like, what the fuck do you think I'm dressed like this for, genius? Fashion? #facepalm

I accidentally wore a red tee shirt when I went into Target one day. I stopped to help a lady get something off the top shelf. Another lady, thinking I worked there, asked where the hot chocolate was. Since I knew where it was, I took her there.

This happened to me once as well, only it was a blue shirt at Best Buy.

 

[auntiehill]

I always smile when I hear, "I don't mean to be rude, but---," because I know I'm about to hear that person utter the single most breathtakingly-rude statement imaginable.

The "but.." always indicates the opposite of the previous phrase, as in:
"I'm not a racist, but--"
"I've got nothing against gay people, but--"

I also can't help but smile when people use the word "spiritual" multiple times when talking about themselves or their lives, but by listening to them, you can tell that they have no idea what it means.

Case in point: my loser sister. She is only concerned with money, can't keep a friend or any relationship very long because she is so self-centered and narcissistic, and has physically and verbally abused every boyfriend she ever had. She MUST have a new car, designer bath soap, a vacation out of state, etc, when she still has to borrow money from our elderly parents on a regular basis. But she goes to faith healers, prattles on about crystals, forces her son to read books about God as a punishment, and tells me that her life is so much more meaningful than mine because she's "spiritual."

One of our friends also throws the word around a lot. She's a social worker, but is so neurotic that she can't bear to watch her favorite shows because it gives her anxiety. She wouldn't watch David Tennant's last Who episode for over a year because she couldn't "handle the stress of it." But she says she's so grounded in life because she's "spiritual." She believes in Tarot cards--not as a hobby; she BELIEVES in it. She thinks ghosts are real and that evil spirits can possess objects. But she knows her life has more meaning than mine because I'm an atheist and I'm not "spiritual." She's 50 and still lives with her mother and has never had a relationship last more than a year. She mooches off of all her friends and is completely childish.

So, I just smile, because whenever someone insists on using the word "spiritual" multiple times to describe how awesome and fantastic they are, I automatically substitute in "gullible, childish, immature," etc. No one seems to understand what the word "spiritual" means at all.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

^ Funny, I was just thinking about people misusing and over-using spiritual. Except, I have to admit, for me it's more annoying than amusing. Lighten up, Ziyal!

 

[John Clark]

I accidentally wore a red tee shirt when I went into Target one day. I stopped to help a lady get something off the top shelf. Another lady, thinking I worked there, asked where the hot chocolate was. Since I knew where it was, I took her there.

A similar sort of thing happened to me at PC World as I was wearing a similar shirt to what they had as a uniform at the time. I didn't realize until I passed the till on the way out though.

 

[publiusr]

When my father would sneeze, he wouldn't "say" ah-choo." He said AB.
Once calling a dog, he got into a sneezing fit

"Ab-choo, ab-choo, ab-S**t.

He had all kinds of sayings.

"That beats a goose a gobbling."

I got myself in touble at school once, laughing at a girl who was describing a surgery her Mom went through.

I know, it makes me look the total monster--but it was the inflection which got me, when she--in a country voice, kept going on about her Mom's "GALL-bladder."

 

[Sakrysta]

The script device of statement, direct adress, repeated statement.

Example: "I don't know, George. I don't know."

Once you notice it, you can no longer NOT notice it. It is EVERYWHERE. I can't recall anyone I know EVER using that device in a real conversation.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

I've heard people use it. In fact, I use it occasionally myself. "I don't know, Sakrysta. I just don't know."

 

[Finn]

Plus it is well used in American Sign Language