Vulcan is alive and well in DSC because it doesn't take place in the Kelvin Timeline. Why would it be missing? Romulus blowing up is the entire reason Nero and his fellow miners wind up in the past and preciptate the Kelvin Timeline. So yes, it's important to the plot.
"Don't tell me it didn't happen. It happened. I saw it happen." -Nero (kind of definitive.. I guess he could have used the word happened a few more times, of course) So yes. Romulus in prime timeline is gone.
So somehow I think you're wrong that everyone that watched '09 pretended it didn't happen. if you are using hyperbole to prove a point and I did not understand it, my apologies.
I think the point some are making is: the fact that Nero and Spock Prime
saw it happen from their point of view is
all that gives it force within the story, and all that is required for that force to withstand a
potential revelation that
after they saw it happen and were spirited away, it just
might have
un-happened for whatever "timey wimey" reason, as suggested by the second option in the poll (which I didn't vote in, myself). Or, stated from another point of view, what they saw was only an
illusion due to the vantage point from which they were observing the event.
Note that I'm not suggesting I believe such a prospective development
will come to pass, nor that it necessarily
should. But we can't in all honesty pretend that it
couldn't, nor that it would somehow substantially affect the drama of ST'09 unto itself,
if it did. Nero
believes it happened. Spock Prime
believes it happened. Ultimately, that's all that's important, there.
I hadn't ever considered such a possibility before reading this thread, but I find it an interesting one! Thanks for the food for thought, all!
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MMoM