This is brilliant, and I would so wear it if I found one in my size.
The Current Joke Thread
- Thread starter Moviefan2k4
- Start date
Her: Who's your favorite literary vampire?
Him: The one in Sesame Street.
Her: He doesn't count.
Him: I can assure you that he does.
Cheers,
-CM-
Him: The one in Sesame Street.
Her: He doesn't count.
Him: I can assure you that he does.
Cheers,
-CM-
Bought these shoes from a guy this morning who, I suspect, may be a drug dealer. I don't know what they're laced with, but I've been tripping all day.
*rimshot*
*rimshot*
What do you call Ramen that you've left in the fridge for too long?
Ramen Burr (a play on Raymond Burr)
Ramen Burr (a play on Raymond Burr)
Probably heard this one but anyway:
One atom says to another....
"Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you positive?"
One atom says to another....
"Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you positive?"
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
"I think I saw a wolf last night in the woods behind the house."
"Where?"
"No, it looked like the regular kind."
"Where?"
"No, it looked like the regular kind."
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people understand this.
Cheers,
-CM-
Only a fraction of people understand this.
Cheers,
-CM-
What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
(Apologies for the back to back posts…)
Cheers,
-CM-
A receding hare line.
(Apologies for the back to back posts…)
Cheers,
-CM-
What's a tooth's favorite kind of book to read?
Pulp Fiction
Pulp Fiction
This morning when I arrived at work, my computer was cold....
... someone left Windows open.
... someone left Windows open.
For context this is the definition for dad joke:
en.m.wikipedia.org
And with that here's my dad joke.
What do you call old corn?
Pop corn
Dad joke - Wikipedia
And with that here's my dad joke.
What do you call old corn?
Pop corn
We already have an active joke thread, and people seem to have no problem posting dad jokes there, so I don’t see how we need a second thread for them. I’m going to merge this into the other one.
Q: What's a dad joke?
A: A joke that when dad tells it, the joke's on dad!
A: A joke that when dad tells it, the joke's on dad!
Memo to all employees:
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.)
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. seriously will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T..
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training. (The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.).
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.)
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. seriously will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T..
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training. (The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.).
Some oldies but goodies:
We'd like to introduce you to Ms. Helen Waite, our credit manager. If you want credit, go to Helen Waite.
A woman goes to her hairdresser and says, "I want you to make me look like Barbra Streisand." So he picks up a heavy blow dryer and breaks her nose.
A rock singer says to his tailor, "Look, I keep telling you you've got to make the pants tighter. I want them tight enough to show my sex." The tailor replies, "Bubbie, if they were any tighter, they'd show your religion!"
We'd like to introduce you to Ms. Helen Waite, our credit manager. If you want credit, go to Helen Waite.
A woman goes to her hairdresser and says, "I want you to make me look like Barbra Streisand." So he picks up a heavy blow dryer and breaks her nose.
A rock singer says to his tailor, "Look, I keep telling you you've got to make the pants tighter. I want them tight enough to show my sex." The tailor replies, "Bubbie, if they were any tighter, they'd show your religion!"
I was walking through a shipyard in Saint-Nazaire recently, and noticed ship-builders laying the keel for the vessel "Casablanca".
I thought to myself: "This could be the beginning of a beautiful French ship."
Cheers,
-CM-
I thought to myself: "This could be the beginning of a beautiful French ship."
Cheers,
-CM-
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