The Breakup Thread

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Anyway, i am by nature blunt (shut up everyone!) so i go with the blunt approach and just tell him that it's over.

I see you're the kind of person who prefers a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating. (Incidentally, I often say the same thing about my toilet breaks.)

Eh what can i say? I'm me. Devastating and blunt and all.

But all kidding aside (it's the only way I can cope in these situations ) I can't really say that I've ever dumped anyone or been dumped before, as I haven't really gone as far as forming an actual relationship in the first place. It's more like rejection from the initial screening process, if you like. Both ways.

(Incidentally, my phone's predictive text keystrokes for the word "rejection" are the exact same for the word "selection." Make of that what you will. )

I think i'll postpone a scathing comment. See, i can be quite kind.

^ It's McSpammer, you were expecting something else?

Quiet you! I will scathe you like you've never been scathed before!

Wait, that sounds dirty. Yay me!

Sorry to hear this, NickInABox, but at least you realized it early. Still sucks though.

Yeah it still sucks. But you're young and cute and you'll be able to get back on the horse in no time.

(That one's also dirty. )

 

[JonathonWally]

Easiest way, after only three months, you could always go with:

"I don't think this is working out for either of us and I respect you way too much to try and string this along and hope for something different, that would not only be unfair to both of us, but it would just feel cruel and I can't do that to you"

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Someone's done that before, huh?

 

[Tiberius Jim]

You could do what I had done to me once: hang up on him after an argument, and then flat out ignore him for a few weeks until he realizes that your silence means it's over.

On second thought, don't do that. Just be honest and don't beat around the bush about it. That's the most respectful and mature way to handle it.

 

[TheLonelySquire]

"It's not me. It's you."

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.

 

[TheLonelySquire]

Or... "you're a jerk...I'm out!"

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Now THAT'S the blunt approach.

 

[JustKate]

TheLonelySquire's "jerk" comment reminded me of my personal favorite breakup story.

Seeing as I've been married for a loooong time now, it's been a while since I broke up with anybody, but there was this time, back when the world was young, when I was dating two guys - nothing sneaky or anything, I was just dating two guys. It's allowed, you know.

Anyway, guy No. 1 wasn't thrilled with the situation but he tried to be understanding, but guy No. 2 was after me and after me and after me and after me to make it exclusive, so eventually I gave in to guy No. 2. And almost instantly, he started acting like a total jerk.

It sounds perfectly idiotic to me, but it's apparently not all that rare. (On the other hand, giving in to the one who wasn't being understanding wasn't the brightest move in the world either, I now realize.)

I put up with this for a few days, and then on Valentine's Day, he came over to my house for dinner and continued acting like a total jerk. I tried to talk about it in a mature way (well, as mature as I could be at the time - I was only in my mid-20s), but he continued to act like a total jerk, he admitted he was acting like a total jerk, he couldn't tell me why he was acting like a total jerk, and he basically said he saw no reason why he wouldn't continue to act like a total jerk for at least a while yet and I would just have to put up with it.

So I gave up trying to be mature, I threw his ass out of my house, and I threw the candy he'd given me for Valentine's Day after him. I missed, though, darn it. I found it in the yard the next day.

The next day (I can't remember if it was before or after I went out to look for the candy), I called guy No. 1 back, apologized, and told him I'd made a mistake. We continued to talk and eventually we started dating again, and eventually...

We got married. We're still happily married now, in fact. So I'd say that was a pretty good breakup.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

So I gave up trying to be mature, I threw his ass out of my house, and I threw the candy he'd given me for Valentine's Day after him. I missed, though, darn it. I found it in the yard the next day.

. I love that image, of you (who always seem so controlled and careful), throwing candy after a jerkish boyfriend. I particularly like the idea of "giving up trying to be mature". Sometimes the only way to deal with some people is to be a little immature temporarily.

Still......You wasted the candy?! For shame!

 

[JustKate]

. I love that image, of you (who always seem so controlled and careful), throwing candy after a jerkish boyfriend. I particularly like the idea of "giving up trying to be mature". Sometimes the only way to deal with some people is to be a little immature temporarily.

Still......You wasted the candy?! For shame!

Yeah, I know. It wasn't that big of a loss since it wasn't really good candy, but I can't swear that even if it had been, say, handmade dark-chocolate truffles with hazelnut centers, I wouldn't have thrown them instead. I was pretty mad.

And yes, I actually am generally quite controlled (and careful and even-tempered) in real life. Ooh, he was a jerk, though.

 

[kes7]

. I love that image, of you (who always seem so controlled and careful), throwing candy after a jerkish boyfriend. I particularly like the idea of "giving up trying to be mature". Sometimes the only way to deal with some people is to be a little immature temporarily.

Still......You wasted the candy?! For shame!

Yeah, I know. It wasn't that big of a loss since it wasn't really good candy, but I can't swear that even if it had been, say, handmade dark-chocolate truffles with hazelnut centers, I wouldn't have thrown them instead. I was pretty mad.

And yes, I actually am generally quite controlled (and careful and even-tempered) in real life. Ooh, he was a jerk, though.

So why did you pick him at first? Now I'm curious!

 

[JustKate]

^ I don't know. Honestly, I think part of it was because I wasn't really ready for a serious relationship, I just wanted to have fun and play the field for a little while, and guy #1 - the understanding one - was and is a serious sort of guy. I thought guy #2 would be more fun, and dear God, was I wrong about that.

Do you need a good reason to pick the wrong guy when you're only 24 or 25? I'm just glad I came to my senses in time.

And you know, it was really satisfying throwing that candy at guy #2's head. Really satisfying. I strongly recommend it, if the opportunity presents itself, should you happen to land yourself a real jerk.

 

[kes7]

Heh. Thankfully, I'm past the jerk-dating phase of my life and happily married. I can remember a few guys who should have had objects thrown at their heads, though.

I suppose there's never a good reason to pick the jerk ... but we've all done it. Glad to hear it all worked out for you and Mr. Serious, though.

 

[JustKate]

^ Speaking from personal experience, I can say that although throwing candy at a jerk's head is very satisfying, being happily married is more satisfying still. So I think you've made the right choice. And so have I. I haven't thrown an object (well, except maybe a pillow) at anybody's head in ages, and I don't really miss it.

 

[Holdfast]

I tried to talk about it in a mature way (well, as mature as I could be at the time - I was only in my mid-20s), but he continued to act like a total jerk, he admitted he was acting like a total jerk, he couldn't tell me why he was acting like a total jerk, and he basically said he saw no reason why he wouldn't continue to act like a total jerk for at least a while yet and I would just have to put up with it.

So I gave up trying to be mature, I threw his ass out of my house, and I threw the candy he'd given me for Valentine's Day after him.

Great story, and very nicely told too. Lovely pacing.

(I'm guessing this tale is a dinner-party favourite of yours?)

 

[Vulcan Princess]

I was 17, and I was engaged to my high school sweetheart. (Yes, I know we were too young. But we were in looooove...) One day, he gave me the "it's not you, it's me" talk and said that it was nothing personal, but that he just didn't want to be in a relationship. It turns out that he had been cheating on me with my best friend for about a month (I found this out through mutual friends), and a week after the breakup, they started openly dating. Now they're married with 3 kids.

 

[JustKate]

^ Ah, yes - the old "I just don't want to be in a relationship (at least not with you)" trick. Never happened to me (as far as I know - heck, maybe that's why ol' what's-his-name acted like such a jerk), but it's happened to lots of people I know.

On the other hand, Princess, when your sweetheart said "It isn't you, it's me," he was being truthful, in a way. It was him, the lousy, no-good two-timer.

Great story, and very nicely told too. Lovely pacing.

(I'm guessing this tale is a dinner-party favourite of yours?)

Thanks. No, not really - it just doesn't seem to come up that often, oddly enough. But even more oddly, I thought about this just the other day because I went to get a foil-wrapped chocolate from our stash here at work, and I dropped one on the carpet, and as I bent down to pick it up...all of a sudden, I flashed back to finding those foil-wrapped chocolates that I'd thrown at ol' what's his name - Rick, that's it, his name was Rick - in the driveway of my old house. Seeing that chocolate on the carpet here brought it all back to me.

 

[An Officer]

I don't think I've actually ever been through a break up, things have just fizzled out naturally as they needed to.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

I would normally advise saying, "I am gay," but that doesn't work in this situation.