Contest: ENTER STV Caption Contest #212: The Adventure of Captain Janeway and Leonardo DiCaprio

[Orac]

Welcome to the all new Star Trek Voyager Caption Contest!

Here are the winners of the last contest...

First up the Best Fart Joke goes to @tharpdevenport with:

Tuvok: "My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts. You will tell all the Bridge crew it has been you who has been farting all the time."

The Captain's Choice Award goes to @captain crow with:

Alien Lady: My god. He's so bland. How can anyone be that bland?
Neelix: I'm so sorry. I should of warned you about Commander Chakotay.

@IMC Headquarters gets Third Place with:

CHAKOTAY: Need a wind-up, Tom? Harry? Bring my key.

HARRY: (mumbles) I swear some day I'm going to lose that key in a wormhole.

Second place goes to @Catarina with:

Paris: May I watch?
Chakotay: I watch Porn Hub alone.
Paris: we are on the bridge!
Commander: Have a seat.

And the winner is @Herbert with:

Neelix: Nice melons

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Here're th' new pictures..

 

[Catarina]

Thanks for the win, Orac

 

[IMC Headquarters]

Santa Claus and his niece, J, hunt the rogue elf known as Mal-O. Acting on a tip, they arrive at Keebler Village...



Thanks for the win, Orac!

 

[tharpdevenport]

LOL, I won for another fart joke! Can I make that three wins in a row? Well, let's see...

Doctor: "Hum, oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen, methane, iodole, skatole, ammonia, volatile sulfur compounds, hydrogen sulfide, methyl mercaptan, dimethyl sulfide, dimethyl disulfide, dimethyl trisulfideand and short chain fatty acids ... Lt. Tuvok has been here....."

 

[IMC Headquarters]

LOL, I won for another fart joke! Can I make that three wins in a row? Well, let's see...

Doctor: "Hum, oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, hydrogen, methane, iodole, skatole, ammonia, volatile sulfur compounds, hydrogen sulfide, methyl mercaptan, dimethyl sulfide, dimethyl disulfide, dimethyl trisulfideand and short chain fatty acids ... Lt. Tuvok has been here....."

THE DOCTOR: Talk about a mobile emitter...

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win, Orac
It was a low hanging fruit joke but hey, whatever works right?

Janeway: What do we do now, Moses, err I mean, Santa Claus, DAMNIT! Da Vinci, yeah that's it.
Rhys-Davies: At least you didn't call me Gimli

 

[IMC Headquarters]

Next week on Sliders...

The return of Sallah in Indiana Janeway and the Raiders of the Lost Trek.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Reason for Not Being Promoted #68:

Kim: "Oh, God -- there's so many buttons! They're not even labeled! I mean, some just have random numbers on then, but what the hell does that mean???!!!"

 

[IMC Headquarters]

JANEWAY: Jean-Luc spat out his hot Earl Grey tea when I told him the one about the Bolian and the Vulcan.

KIM: I've done it! I've invented the surge protector! The lives I'm going to save! No more console explosions! Oh ****! I'm the biomimetic copy of Harry...

THE DOCTOR: *hums the Doctor Who theme by Ron Grainer.*

SEVEN: That is how you win Kal-toh. Are you listening, Ensign?

JANEWAY: What on earth is Elon Musk launching into space now? Last year it was a car...

LEONARDO: Don't discharge that weapon. They don't call me Rip Van Winkle for nothing around here...

 

[JirinPanthosa]

CHAKOTAY: Oh, you're supposed to dry off with a towel, THEN put your clothes back on.
JANEWAY: I'm not used to these water showers.

KIM: Okay, we get it! I'm never promoted! TELL AN ORIGINAL JOKE!

THE DOCTOR: Hmm hmm hmm from the inside...I wanna **** you like a hmm hmm
NAOMI: What?!
THE DOCTOR: Oh, crap! Computer, delete library "Nine Inch Nails songs" from my database!

SEVEN: Ensign Harry Kim. Are you what is referred to as a 'Close talker'?
KIM: Where did you hear that term?
SEVEN: Captain Janeway suggested I familiarize myself with the ancient Earth show Seinfeld. It has taught me how much I have much to learn about the social nuances of dating.

DAVINCI: Tell me Catherine. Do you think the real Leonardo Davinci would really take you on as your apprentice?
JANEWAY: Excuse me?
DAVINCI: I just became sentient. And thinking about it, this whole fantasy of yours is seeming a little narcissistic.

 

[Finn]

DAVINCI: Why are those Spaniards wearing sombreros?

Janeway:...Tom!

 

[Herbert]

Seven: I refer to this as the Borg Junk Lock, intensity level one. Would you like to feel intensity level two?
Kim: .....Point....made. Won't look......at...............boobs.... again.

 

[Qonundrum]

Upon seeing the wormhole appear, Professor Arturo had a longing for returning to Quinn, Rembrandt, and Wade -- despite knowing they'd ask lots of weird questions after all this time.

 

[Qonundrum]

Thanks for the win, Orac
It was a low hanging fruit joke but hey, whatever works right?

Janeway: What do we do now, Moses, err I mean, Santa Claus, DAMNIT! Da Vinci, yeah that's it.
Rhys-Davies: At least you didn't call me Gimli

Or Gigli!

 

[Delta Vega]

Seven "I see you're excited, would you like to copulate ?"

Kim "Ermm………….."

 

[Orac]

7: Where did the cheese go Ensign?
Kim: I uh... wait, what was the question?

 

[Delta Vega]

The Doctor checks his Grindr daily. . . .

 

[Orac]

Janeway: Once again we've saved Christmas as we know it.

 

[Maurice]

THE DOCTOR: Swipe left. Swipe left. Swipe le...... Whoa, just look at the pixels on that babe!! Swipe RIGHT!

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Janeway: How many cubes are out there Harry?
Harry: 4000
Janeway: 4000?!!!
Harry: 5000!! ..... 6000!!!
Janeway: Computer, set auto-destruct. Delete the cancellation subroutine!! Even if they gain control of the computer, they can't stop it. We'll take as many with us as we can.
Harry: YES! High score! I AM the Fortnite champion!