"Parody: Modern Trekkies If The Search for Spock Was New"
- by Lord Garth
Two years ago, if you told me there would be a Star Trek movie worse than Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, I never would've believed you. Other critics may say Star Trek III: The Search for Spock is "strictly for Trekkies" but I couldn't disagree more. Nothing about it reminds me of the television series. Where, oh where, do I begin?
One of the only good things about this movie is that it brings Mr. Spock back to life. But I did NOT need to be reminded of his death right from the beginning of the movie! One point down right off the bat!
What the Hell happened to the Klingons?! First of all, it was bad enough that they completely redesigned them in the first film. What's with the forehead make-up? You can barely see the actors! And now they're flying around in a Bird-of-Prey?! I swear that Harve Bennett must've never watched an episode of Star Trek in his entire life! Every Star Trek fan worth his weight in gold knows it's THE ROMULANS who have a Bird-of-Prey and cloak! Watch some Star Trek for a change. The REAL Star Trek! That's two points down so far!
Why does the Admiral want to decommission the Enterprise? 20 years old? Two films ago, Decker said the Enterprise was almost brand-new! The writer Harve Bennett just doesn't pay any attention to the details! When they show the computer display of the Enterprise on the bridge, it's based off the Franz Joseph Technical Manual, from before the Enterprise's Refit! I know! I studied the manual in loving detail! A lot more than the so-called "professionals!" Three points down!
When Dr. McCoy goes into the bar to meet with that skeezy dealer, it looks like something from straight out of Star Wars! So now Star Trek is ripping off another franchise? Worse than that, they're playing arcade games! If this is supposed to be the 23rd Century, don't make it feel so much like the '80s! Four points down!
I can't believe I didn't mention this earlier, but whose bright idea was it to have the Klingon Commander played by Christopher Lloyd, the guy who played Reverend Jim from "Taxi"?! How am I supposed to take him seriously?! Five points down.
Even worse is the casting for Saavik! Why couldn't they get back Kristie Alley? Robin Curtis looks nothing like her! Why couldn't they just make her a new character?! They're banking on familiarity from before! Six points down!
Why did Kirk need to steal the Enterprise to rescue Spock? Couldn't he just book a freighter in secret?! But I guess they had to because otherwise they wouldn't have had a chance to blow up the Enterprise. Ho-hum. They're just trying to use emotional manipulation with these movies and just expecting us to buy it. Seven points down!
By the way, they're trying REALLY hard to make these Star Trek Movies work toward these emotional moments that are COMPLETELY UNEARNED! David is introduced as Kirk's son from out of nowhere in the last movie. He didn't even know Kirk was his father until the end of it! But now Kirk suddenly has a son, just to kill him off, just so Kirk can have an emotional breakdown? Give me a break! Eight points down!
And this one deserves its own category! Kirk's cried now in all three movies! What's with all the crying?! He looked like he was about to tear up when he saw the Enterprise for the first time in the first movie. Then he cried at the end of the second movie! And now he's crying in the third! These are Starfleet Officers! They're highly-trained! Remember when Kirk's own brother died in "Operation: Annihilate!"? Episode 29! He didn't cry! Not even once! He collected himself and went about his duty, like a Professional! Like a Military Man! Nine points down!
Last, but not least: What was all of this even for? Spock was brought back to life but he can't even remember anything! It's like it's Spock but it's NOT Spock! "And the Adventure Continues"?! What is it with movies and sequels these days? I remember a time when movies had a beginning, middle, and end! One film, one story! Now they just go from one to the next!
10 points down!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, I give Star Trek III: The Search for Spock a 0. A ZERO!!!! Harve Bennett and now Leonard Nimoy are trying to destroy Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek! I heard a rumor that they blew up the Enterprise just so they could replace it with the Excelsior! I believe it. They just keep trying to make it worse and worse! This isn't real Star Trek! You want to watch real Star Trek?! Like I said before, turn on the TV! Don't go to the movies!!!! Boycott this film at every turn. It's the Trekkie thing to do.