Contest: ENTER ST:VOY Caption Contest #238: The One Where the EMH Has a Psychotic Break

[Orac]

Welcome to the all new Star Trek Voyager Caption Contest!

This contest will feature pictures from the 5th season episode of Star Trek Voyager: Latent Image

But first, here are the winners of the last contest:

@Oddish wins the Captains Choice Award with:

JANEWAY: "What do you mean, there are things I can't do? I blew off Q, I sent death back to hell without me, I made fear himself crap his pants, and I had a statue of me put up in Bloomington 300 frickin' years before I was born. You name it, I can do it."

TUVOK: "Ensign Kim bets that you cannot turn a xenomorph into a handsome prince just by kissing it."
JANEWAY: "Tell him he's on."

SEVEN: "Personal log, Seven of Nine. The captain and Ensign Kim have made a bet. If he wins, she has to promote him to lieutenant commander. If she wins, he has to sing the song 'Frog Kissin' at the karaoke event scheduled for tonight. The human tendency to gamble can be quite confusing."

JANEWAY: "All right, Big Ugly. Pucker up."

SMMMMMMACK!!!

JANEWAY: "And there you go. One handsome prince. Better warm up that voice, Mr. Kim."
HARRY (sighs): "Yes, ma'am."

HARRY (singing): "So if you ever been frog kissin', you don't know what you been missin'; just look down, turn around, bend down, and kiss you a frog."

Best Fart Joke gose to @A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees with:

A word of advice, Commander. Lay off Neelix's leola beans. Leola root is bad going down... but the beans are bad going out.. all day long.

This man...this man right here was the only one smart enough to lay off the beans. I hereby promote you to lt Commander.
See, Harry? All that whining and it could have been so simple.

@Nerys Myk wins Third Prize with:

Seven: This isn't my thermos. Where is my chicken soup?

@Hawku comes Second Place with:

"Ew! Tuvok and Neelix? And he's thus far unmurdered?"

And the winner is @tharpdevenport with:

Jonathan Frakes: "Look at this photo. Inside it you will find three people which will never get laid and will forever live in their parents' basements. You have to decide if I am lying or spinning a clever yarn of lies, whether this is fact … or fiction."

Here're the new pictures:

Bonus Picture:

 

[Nerys Myk]

"They're artistic nudes"

 

[Oddish]

I'm happy that the captain enjoyed "The Xenomorph Prince" as much as I enjoyed writing it. Congrats to all other winners, words of encouragement to the also-rans, and thanks as always to @Orac for another great contest!

A mini-continuation (of sorts) of last contest's story...

SEVEN: "Personal log, Seven of Nine. With our first karaoke competition turning out to be quite popular with the crew, plans are in progress to make it a recurring event. To that end, I am making adjustments to the sound system in our makeshift karaoke bar."

EMH: "I thought you'd like to know, I recorded your lively rendition of 'Frog Kissin' last week, and sent a copy to your parents on Earth. I know they'll be thrilled."
HARRY: "Uh... thanks, Doc."

EMH: "I know I agreed to sing a number at next weekend's karaoke competition, but... a Klingon opera?!"

And a stand-alone...

JANEWAY: "An sho then, we were dodging shquirrels all through thuh woodsh, an raccoonsh, and even shkunksh becaush we thought *hic* they were all shkunksh and they'd do their shtinky thing... but then it shtarted to shnow, sho we..."
CHAKOTAY: "Captain, I know you're trying to kick your coffee addiction. But maybe Andorian ale isn't proving to be the best substitute."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Harry: I really thought Chakotay could take a punch.
EMH: My hard light holo, might have been a little harder than usual.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Mistress Janeway: "OOOoohhhhh, so you're not gonna pass me on my annual physical huh? Computer, recognize special Captain Janeway EMH override voice commands."

Computer: "Recognized. Proceed."

Mistress Janeway: "Activate Emergency Medical Penisrock. INSIDE the EMH Doctor."

Ensign Kim and the Doctor watch the hidden Ass-Cam 3000.

Mistress Janeway: "So I says to him I says: I can't promote you -- we're on replicator rations and I'd have to use energy to replicate another pip."

Chacotay: "And he bought it?"

MJ: "He looked like he thought about it for a second, so I barked orders at him and that was that."

Chacotay: "Nice."

 

[Finn]

]

EMH: What did you do?

B'Elanna: I just programmed something. You'd be attracted to Tom for the next couple days. You'd be keeping him busy so he won't have the time for another Captain Proton episode with me. I've been looking forward to some quiet and peace.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

EMH: Ensign, my experiment worked! I feel like a proud father. I've created a new form of single celled life! They're replicating!

Kim: Yeah, now if only rank pips could do that...

 

[Oddish]

In an alternate timeline, where the incident with the Nexus never took place, a 140-year-old James T. Kirk visits the top secret facility on Vulcan, where the internal components of the first ship of the new Galaxy Class will be built... here's to the Next Generation!

 

[tharpdevenport]

MEANWHILE, IN THE "PROMOTION ROOM"...

Ensign Kim: "You sure getting naked and doing this with the Emergency Medical Penisrock will get me promoted?"

Doctor: "Oh yeah, absolutely, now take it all off, baby..."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

EMH: "Dear child, while I understand and appreciate your attempts to impress me by naming all the different types of cheese you can think of, I do have a schedule to maintain."
Naomi (offscreen): "Gorgonzola! That's another one!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "So then I told the computer to blow out the airlock. And out went those pesky salamander babies. They kind of did this gasping thing with their mouths and their tails kind of jerked side to side for a few seconds -- amusing to say the least. I silenced Tuvok once he discovered what I did and he said I might get caught later on, but I figured: they're not registered crew members, I made no Captain's log about the salamander babies, and once we get back to the Alpha quadrant I'll probably get promoted to Admiral for no good reason and whose gonna tell on me? No one -- that's who."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Where will you be when your holographic simulation diarrhea computer virus comes back?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"It's fun to stay at the Y, M, C, A......"

 

[Orac]

Picardo: What do you mean we're not being renewed for another season? I've got an expensive drug habit to support!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Doctor: "Well, Captain, all I can say is that as a hologram, I don't have to smell Tuvok's flatulence. Undoubtedly you envy me and my ability to never have to deal with said ass terror."

Janeway: "Oh, really? Computer, recognize special Captain Janeway EMH override voice commands."

Computer: "Recognized. Proceed."

Janeway: "Active the EMH's sense of smell. Disable abilty to hold his nose or breath threw his mouth. Now, make him inhale..."

 

[Oddish]

Doctor: "Well, Captain, all I can say is that as a hologram, I don't have to smell Tuvok's flatulence. Undoubtedly you envy me and my ability to never have to deal with said ass terror."

Janeway: "Oh, really? Computer, recognize special Captain Janeway EMH override voice commands."

Computer: "Recognized. Proceed."

Janeway: "Active the EMH's sense of smell. Disable abilty to hold his nose or breath threw his mouth. Now, make him inhale..."

*EMH is irrevocably decompiled bythe horrific experience.*
JANEWAY: "Well, crap. Computer, tell Lieutenant Paris that he's now acting ship's doctor."

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Reporter: Mr. Shatner, has Blue Origin told you when you're going up?

Shatner: Zero hour: 9am.... and I'm gonna be Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.. as a kite, by then.

 

[Orac]

Shatner: I'm not the man they think I am back home.

Oh no, no, no.

I'm a Rocket Man.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Harry: "And the triple chins?"

Doctor: "Merely holographic simulations."

Harry: "And your baldness?"

Doctor: "Also a holographic simulation."

Harry: "Riiiggghhhttt…" smirks

Doctor (internal voice): Smirks, "Oh, I can't wait to leave stuff in you next operation accidentally…"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Doctor: "Me and 7 are too going to get married!"

Mistress Janeway: "I think not. Computer, activate long-term male pattern baldness in EMH program."

HAIR DISAPPEARS ATOP HEAD

Doctor: "NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!