She have a sister?
Relationship Q: When to say 'I Love You'
- Thread starter Star Treks
- Start date
She have a sister?
Yep. This is one of those things where there is no general rule of thumb or advice to be had.
If you don't get it in before the end of the first date, you are doomed!
That's ridiculous. I'm naked five minutes into the date when we're still in the restaurant. You can't say it that early.
If you've known them a while before you started dating, and know them decently well, I don't think it's weird at all to say it early on. But I've had guys that I started dating, without knowing them beforehand, say it like a week or two in, and it was really, really creepy.
Say it when it feels right. You will know when it does.
My hubby and I have been married now 19 years. We knew each other, best friends actually, for 3 years before we dated, and one month in we both were saying 'I love you' to each other, and we knew a month after that that we wanted to get married(waited a year, but still knew).
You will know when it is right
My hubby and I have been married now 19 years. We knew each other, best friends actually, for 3 years before we dated, and one month in we both were saying 'I love you' to each other, and we knew a month after that that we wanted to get married(waited a year, but still knew).
You will know when it is right
To paraphrase Niorah, albeit crudely...when your most personal, ahem, appendage is at the back of HER throat, that's a good time to say it.
But don't be surprised if her response is "Eyegh nuff woo thooo!"
Don't be mad at me for swinging at one when it comes across the plate...
Gimme a minute to get the sinful thoughts out of my head and I'll come up with some more realistic advice, friend.
(1) When SHE says it first, and
(2) ONLY if you genuinely mean it. Never, NEVER, just say it reflexively in response to (1) above. It's insincere, and women can smell insincerity. Like dogshit.
See, saying "I love you" when you actually mean it gives the recipient of that statement a lot of emotional power over you from that point on. And that's a lot to entrust to another person. Spend more time with them, invest more time to determine if they are worthy of that trust. And she'll know if you mean it when you say it. If she says it first, and you aren't quite ready, you're not quite sure, you might be there but need a little more time (and by the bones of my ancestors, TAKE that time to be introspective and make that determination, don't be rushed into it). It's your heart, and that's the most valuable thing you can give to another person, and once you've put those words out there, you can't take them back.
You can be a naturally affectionate person and not feel the need to say "I love you". I'm a naturally affectionate and sentimental person, but I can honestly say I've only been in love three times (lust? countless, the numbers were legion...), each was very different, and I only told the last one that I love her, and I married her. I knew I loved her, but was afraid to say so for fear of rejection or ridicule, and she said it first. I am not ashamed to say that I was in tears when I then told her that I loved her, too, then she was in tears, and it was one of the most moving experiences in both of our lives to that point.
There is no barometer to "too soon". People speak of love-at-first-sight, and there is some truth to that...but real love, true love, is enduring. The love I have for the missus is vastly different than the love I had for her when we said "I do"...I meant it then, and so did she, but we both believe that our love is richer, fuller, more evolved, less immature and more grown-up, looking more towards the future while still embracing all that has been so far, and once children are brought into the picture it evolves even deeper and further. I'm not very poetic and words to convey the emotions escape me. Three weeks isn't long-term. By my standards, that's mighty short acquaintance for the L-word. You're still in the novelty phase, and the novelty of the situation hasn't worn off yet; you're still having fun and experimenting, and that's fine (Still did better than I did, though; previous to Mrs. SicOne, I had only once dated longer than two weeks before they drove me insane and shrieking, into the night. When you get out at a stoplight and walk home, never to call them again, you've been pushed over the edge into the abyss.).
Anyway, revisit the "I love you" issue if you're still with her six months from now, and if you're still spending night-and-day together. By that time, you'll have endured the joys of PMS a few times over (always an eye-opener), maybe a pregnancy scare (usually very educational, though it would be a great idea to discuss the thorny issue of abortion well before you HAVE to), and the novelty phase will be long over; you'll have a much better idea if you want this thing to be long-term. Also, for that six month period of time, she will basically be auditioning for the role of wife, but it's a lot easier to keep up appearances for a mere three weeks than six long months. And by then, she'll have a much better idea of what you're all about as well.
Now, as I type this out, I haven't read over the other posters responses yet; just replying to your very first thread-starter post. I'll give it the once-over and see if there's anything I can add, or nudge to the forefront. And listen to the advice of any female BBS posters...it's like watching hidden tapes of the enemy.
Hope this helps.
Or when you're nuts-deep in her pooper.
For every item of good advice I dispense, I have to give some truly horrendous one.
Say it when it feels right. You will know when it does.
My hubby and I have been married now 19 years. We knew each other, best friends actually, for 3 years before we dated, and one month in we both were saying 'I love you' to each other, and we knew a month after that that we wanted to get married(waited a year, but still knew).
You will know when it is right
LadyHeather69 is very right, you WILL know...but part of that knowledge will come from your knowledge of her, how she thinks, how she feels; knowledge only gained from a large time investment. LH69 and I have been married for 19 years (well, not to each other, but each of us to our respective spouses), but each of us had significant time investments in the relationships (Heather more than I did...to Mrs. SicOne, I knew after about a month that I loved her, and that it was different from the other two times I had felt love, but it took another month to say the L-word; just the mere fact that after two weeks I still wanted to be with her made me realize there was something good going on
) to finally get to that point.Venardhi is right, it is different every time. The way you feel about her now will be different than the way you feel about the next one, because each time you are a different person, and they will be different people as well. I am reminded of the TNG episode where Wesley Crusher falls in love with a girl named Salia (sp?), and at the end of the ep they have to go their separate ways. He is pondering the situation in Ten-Forward and the ever-helpful Guinan comes up to him and dispenses wise advice. It was something to the tune of...
(Wesley) "I'm never going to feel that way about anyone again."
(Guinan) "Of course you're not. It will be different. Every time you fall in love it will be different.
Hope this helps.
Actually, I totally agree with this. There can be infatuation at first sight, even the beginning of love, but you can't really love someone... I mean really love them - until you know their personality, until you understand at least a significant part of who they are.
Although to be fair I have known this girl for a couple years (though not well), it's just that we've been a couple for a few weeks.
I might be unromantic too, but I don't necessarily think you have to be convinced someone is your soul mate in order to tell them you love them, though.
It's all very complicated. I'm so new to it. It's nice, though.
No, no, I agree - telling someone you love her isn't the same as saying "I want to spend the rest of my life with you," but it should definitely mean a lot more than "Gee, it's fun to spend time with you."
K'ehleyr said:
Not bad! Unless...(1) She's a precise-language freak like me and would instantly wonder exactly what "falling for" means; or (2) She is imprecise in her speech and assumes "falling for"="in love with." In either case, but particularly the latter, that might make things very interesting, and probably not in a good way.
JustKate and K'ehleyr make good points. But one of the big things you have to look out for is, is she as serious about the relationship as you are? Is she thinking long-term? Or is she just enjoying the moment? Better be sure.
You're in the first phase of the relationship, i.e. the 7th Heaven/Fuck my brains out phase.
What you are feeling is just hormones running amok and everyone goes through that.
When you had your first fights, seen her in gross moments and generally seen her bad side and you still want to be with her you can claim you're in love and say it to her without it being just an empty phrase.
What you are feeling is just hormones running amok and everyone goes through that.
When you had your first fights, seen her in gross moments and generally seen her bad side and you still want to be with her you can claim you're in love and say it to her without it being just an empty phrase.
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