Need advice on introducing myself to a girl through facebook.

[RAMA]

I would meet her with your friend at the apartment first then casually throw in Facebook as part of the conversation. That way even if she can't come over much afterwards you could still talk with her and potentially set up a date...if you guys left from the first meeting on friendly terms of course.

RAMA

 

[Kestra]

I would recommend that you don't bother introducing yourself to any women online. Here is why,

1) Although some women are partial to having anonymous online friends, they will not appreciate your eventual romantic overtones. Facebook isn't a dating site, although in some rare occasions people have gotten together through facebook, its not going to happen when you've never met.

2) Its become something of a well known phenomenon that most men on the internet will eventually look for sexual content. Some men have no self control and/or are morally corrupted enough to con western women for their money. Cultures get stereotyped and men get vilified.

3) Unless you are using a dating website (thats whole purpose is to be used by men and women to contact men and women) online, you need to know that the internet cannot find you a love life.

Hope I wasn't too blunt there, but I cannot stand men making fools of themselves when it comes to women and online escapades. It makes my entire gender look bad and doesn't exactly dispell some well know stereotypes!

Pffft. You can totally find love on the Internet, even if it's not on a dating site.

 

[Spot's Meow]

Yes, but "I've seen you around" is something that happens out in the real world. That's not the same thing as trying to meet a girl you don't know through Facebook. And no, it's not the same as actually physically stalking someone, but that doesn't change the fact that it doesn't come off well at all as a way of meeting someone.

I dunno, am I the only girl who doesn't see every PM on a forum or every message on a social network as an attempt to hit on me?
I see your point, guys but I think you're overdoing it a bit. Or maybe I'm just not paranoic enough. I'm just genuinely interested in talking to people. I like conversations so I don't see everybody who approaches me as a creepy chainsaw murderer.

I wouldn't consider the Facebook request or even messages there as creepy. It's the fact that he has put so much thought into this, with what he said in his other thread and now this one, that would be a little unsettling. Seeing someone you think is cute and wanting to meet them is fine, but going into this much detail about it and obsessing over the details of it all just makes it seem really desperate and a little creepy. My current boyfriend and I started up our relationship through messages we sent each other on Facebook (though we had previously met in person and had classes together), so its not really that aspect of it that would bother me. It just seems a little strange for this guy, or any guy, to be so focused on someone they haven't even met yet. He should just think about her as he would any other human being, and see what happens from there.

 

[Mr Silver]

Pffft. You can totally find love on the Internet, even if it's not on a dating site.

Well I suppose so in some cases, but its really hard, especially if people aren't able to convey their intentions clearly.

Men usually give up finding love on the internet when they find porn.

 

[Kestra]

Pffft. You can totally find love on the Internet, even if it's not on a dating site.

Well I suppose so in some cases, but its really hard, especially if people aren't able to convey their intentions clearly.

Men usually give up finding love on the internet when they find porn.

I don't know if I believe that. I mean, they each fulfill a different part of someone's needs and I would think that both people want both.

 

[RoJoHen]

Pffft. You can totally find love on the Internet, even if it's not on a dating site.

Well I suppose so in some cases, but its really hard, especially if people aren't able to convey their intentions clearly.

Men usually give up finding love on the internet when they find porn.

I don't know if I believe that.

This is wise.

 

[Mr Silver]

Pffft. You can totally find love on the Internet, even if it's not on a dating site.

Well I suppose so in some cases, but its really hard, especially if people aren't able to convey their intentions clearly.

Men usually give up finding love on the internet when they find porn.

I don't know if I believe that. I mean, they each fulfill a different part of someone's needs and I would think that both people want both.

Yeah, definitely in normal circumstances. But I've learnt to not take the underbelly of the internet too seriously. Its sad that in some places there are men who've become these really bitter people.

 

[Kestra]

I don't even know what you're talking about anymore. No reason to assume the worst of people!

 

[Mr Silver]

I don't even know what you're talking about anymore. No reason to assume the worst of people!

No, no. Just I've found that in many places on the internet, regular social boundaries fall apart and. Theres some dark stuff out there, but theres a lot of bright things that come out of that, like here for instance

I think I'm pretty optimistic, I just don't think you can create a relationship, 9 times out of 10 by being a complete stranger and messaging someone on facebook.

 

[RoJoHen]

I think I'm pretty optimistic, I just don't think you can create a relationship, 9 times out of 10 by being a complete stranger and messaging someone on facebook.

Well, no, but there are other online forums which are specifically designed to help strangers meet and form lasting relationships.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Pffft. You can totally find love on the Internet, even if it's not on a dating site.

Well I suppose so in some cases, but its really hard, especially if people aren't able to convey their intentions clearly.

Men usually give up finding love on the internet when they find porn.

I know i did!

 

[Mr Silver]

I think I'm pretty optimistic, I just don't think you can create a relationship, 9 times out of 10 by being a complete stranger and messaging someone on facebook.

Well, no, but there are other online forums which are specifically designed to help strangers meet and form lasting relationships.

Yeah absolutely, its great when you have communities that are done properly and are filled with decent, friendly people. I have some friends that use Interpals for instance, which pretty much fits this description.

 

[Canadave]

I think I'm pretty optimistic, I just don't think you can create a relationship, 9 times out of 10 by being a complete stranger and messaging someone on facebook.

Well, no, but there are other online forums which are specifically designed to help strangers meet and form lasting relationships.

Yeah absolutely, its great when you have communities that are done properly and are filled with decent, friendly people.

Yeah, and I think this is the key. My girlfriend and I actually met on a board dedicated to a band we're both fans of, and because it was a reasonably tight-knit and well-run community, that made it easier to get to know people as friends. And this let one thing lead to another, at least for us.

Facebook is quite different, though, I agree. Hell, Twitter would probably be a better place to try to get to know someone you haven't met than FB.

 

[Darth Duck]

^^ Say what?

You said:

Of course, if she's a young girl raised in contemporary society, she's probably been programmed to think that attraction is creepy and interest is stalking, so you probably need to allow for that.

I have no idea what kind of experiences you've had that would make you think something like that, but if that's what you think women think like, you are clearly going about relationships the wrong way.

 

[RJDiogenes]

^^ It has nothing to do with relationships; most of my relationships pre-date current trends. These are the types of behaviors that are currently fashionable.

There was a time when "I've seen you around for a while and I wanted to meet you" was not considered stalking, but rather normal Human mating behavior. There's no reason why a friend request from a mutual friend on Facebook should be considered creepy.

Yes, but "I've seen you around" is something that happens out in the real world. That's not the same thing as trying to meet a girl you don't know through Facebook. And no, it's not the same as actually physically stalking someone, but that doesn't change the fact that it doesn't come off well at all as a way of meeting someone.

Facebook is about social networking. This is how things are done now. It's the modern-day equivalent of seeing somebody in the bookstore and saying, "Say, aren't you Judy? I'm a friend of Bob. I saw you in that group picture he's got hanging in his apartment."

 

[boobatuba]

Facebook is about social networking. This is how things are done now. It's the modern-day equivalent of seeing somebody in the bookstore and saying, "Say, aren't you Judy? I'm a friend of Bob. I saw you in that group picture he's got hanging in his apartment."

If Aldo had sent such a message with his friend request, I wouldn't think it was creepy or strange in the slightest.

Sending it now, though, kind of makes it look like he's sitting at the computer waiting for her to reply. Creepy.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Pffft. You can totally find love on the Internet, even if it's not on a dating site.

It's true: I love TrekBBS!

There was a time when "I've seen you around for a while and I wanted to meet you" was not considered stalking, but rather normal Human mating behavior.

Yes, and that time is now.

These are the types of behaviors that are currently fashionable.

And your source of information about this is...?

 

[Ethros]

How long has it been since you added her?
To be fair, I've found that most girls will accept anyone who adds them on Facebook. Anything to get their friend count up a bit and look more popular.

(Not that I add random girls, but in that I see the girl friends I have on FB become friends with people all the time who they don't know, like some random man who lives in India, or even people they do know in person but don't even actually like)



EDIT- One of my closest female friends at work I got to know via Facebook. I noticed her around a few times, but as she was part time and worked on a different department I never really got the chance to say hello etc without it feeling forced. I added her on Facebook one day via our works' group page, and then a few days later introduced myself via Facebook chat saying something like "I never get chance to say hi at work so I'll say it on here" or whatnot. And we just went from there, talked more on FB, which then grew into the real world. I realised soon enough I wasn't the kind of guy she was looking for so just decided to be friends, and over two years later we're still good friends and talk a lot.
So it ain't impossible

 

[donners22]

I've only had two relationships in my life; the first started through Facebook (albeit with a colleague), the second through a dating site.


I don't have the sort of personality to be comfortable with or impress somebody in person, at least at an initial encounter, so the Internet is a godsend for finding love.

 

[Trekker4747]

Honestly, though: A random person on Facebook sending me an invite wouldn't really creep me out. I'd decline but if he told me he's a friend of somebody I'd just forget about it again.

People send random invites to distant relatives and friends of friends all the time.

I dunno, maybe it's just my Facebook ways but usually I'll accept any friend requests sent me unless the request is obviously from someone with suspicious intentions (plenty of requests sent my way from "women" with a really hot profile picture) or the one request sent my way by an ex-girlfriend.

Sure, some people are probably a lot more "serious" about their Facebook friends but I don't see having people on there as must being my BFF whom I know in real life. When I've friended people who post here I do try and to also send along a PM through Facebook saying "Hey, I'm Trekker on the board." to let them know who the request is from.

That's probably what Aldo should have done here was sent along a PM that said, "I'm Tony and friends with Bob." or whatever. That's something Facebook should probably add, allowing to put a message of some sort into the Friend request to help the recipient know who the hell just sent it.