Movies Caption Contest #256: What do we have here?

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Enjoy your few moments of screen time" Award, going to:

Worf: ... Alirght! The entire sequence designed to introduce cinema goers to the new crew is all about me! That must mean I'm going to play a major and important role in the rest of the film! Especially with my own personal nemeses as the secondary villains. Anything else would just be bad writing!

Geordi: You mean like making the scene that's supposed to fill in people who haven't seen the series about a Victorian sailing ship and not really establishing what any of us actually do?

Worf: Bugger.

Next, we have the "A little late on that question..." Award, going to:

It was only then that Leonard Nimoy realized he should have asked the cast if they knew how to swim before they started filming.

Next, we have the "It was here a minute ago..." Award, going to:

Picard: What the fuck has happened to my ready room?

Okay, people, I wanted to get this one started a ways back (and you know, didn't) so I'm adding two extra winners to Captions of Logic this time around!

Anij: HELP!

Data: Captain, I do not understand. Was the holoship below the lake and the release valve lowered the water level, exposing it? Or was the holoship above the lake and we sprayed water on it, exposing it?

Anij: I CAN'T SWIM!

Data: Because if it was below the lake, then that would indicate that the dock over there was built below the water level. Why would the Ba'ku build a dock under a lake? Also, if the Ba'ku are against technology, would they not also be against the building of a dam and the irrigation systems present in the village?

Anij: *gurgle*

PICARD: Looks like Truman is on to us.

Picard: Data, when I told you to program the Holodeck to give me a "hot, wet woman," this isn't what I had in mind.

Data: I do not understand, she is clearly wet. And, I programmed her to have a fever.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now...

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Uhura: It's an automated message... something about a free cruise...

Spock: Admiral, there are far fewer people aboard the Reliant than there should be, and most of them have above average bio readings.

Kirk: It's probably nothing, keep the shields down. Uhura, let them know the port plasma conduit is on the fritz and most f our crew is inexperienced trainees.

Data: As you can see, the Bassen rift is our most direct course to rendezvous with the fleet.

Picard: Doesn't it block subspace communications?

Data: Good catch, Sir. I'll change course. Good thing we figured that out early, it would've been pretty embarrassing if we walked into a trap like that.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Uhura: They're asking if we have Prince Albert in a can.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Apple's new iBuckle wasn't quite the hit they expected.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "I miss my old chair. Do you miss your old viewer, Spock?"
Spock: "Yes. Yes, I do."

Picard: "What's that large green mass in the star field?"
Data: "It's just there to look pretty, sir."
Picard: "Ah."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kirk: Spock, the bridge is NO place for a last-minute suntan.

Rorschach tests...OF THE FUTURE!!!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Uhura: Captain, have we beamed over Amanda Hugginkiss?

Data: Why do we not set our course above the ominous green cloud, or around it?
Picard: No time for strategy, Data, we're chasing a villain out to vaporize earth. We must crash blithly into the unknown, trusting in our inherent goodness to lead us into triumph over the obvious trap.
Data: Huzzah!

 

[Gepard]

"It is headed directly at us."

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Uhura: Captain, you have an incoming message from cybergirdles.com, with a special offer on your next order.

Spock: Admiral, according to my readings in approximately thirty years this plot will be rehashed with added mammary glands and lens flares.

Picard: Mr Data, where are we? What is this place?
Data: Stellar Cartography, sir.
Picard: How is it our old one was so much better looking?
Data: I do not know, sir.
Picard: Also why did we come here? Surely you could've displayed this starmap on the main viewscreen and we'd be on the bridge to react to any situation that may arise.
Data: Such as what, sir?
Picard: I don't know, but what if someone was laying an overly elaborate trap for us?
Data: Who would do a thing like that?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kirk: Report, Mr. Spock.

Spock: Admiral, I am detecting anomalous radiation coming from Regula One.

Kirk: Regula One? What is it?

Spock: It is a large space station where research into Project Genesis is being conduced. However, that is not important at this time.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Uhura: Sir, I'm picking up a transmission from a ship called the Executor, a Lord Vader wants to talk to you.

Kirk: Vader? That transmission is coming from a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Lt.!

Uhura: Apologies, sir, this Afro is serving as an antenna that seems to boost signal strength. I will get a more modest haircut in the future.

Spock: Sir, I have found the information you have requested.

Kirk: About time! Analysis?

Spock: Lt. Saavik's hairstyle was, indeed, within regulations.

Data: It worked for Admiral Kirk in his battle with Khan, sir.

Picard: But, it cost him dearly, didn't it Commander?

Data: Yes, sir, Captain Spock lost his life attempting to get the ship free before a previously unheard of radiation signature killed them all.

Picard: Well, I certainly don't see that happening to us. Now, my non-human humanoid officer who struggles with his humanity, let's attempt to evade our genetically engineered enemy in this nebula, while avoiding said previously unheard of radiation from killing us all.

Data: I am sure nothing will go wrong, sir.

 

[Hutchy01]

Spock: I am detecting a lack of images in this contest ,captain!

 

[Triskelion]

Uhura: Hailing frequencies open, sir. But right after this call I'm gonna put in my own call to the fashion police, cause that beltless buckle be breakin the laws of fashion physics.

Spock: Anomalous readings in grid B-4.
Kirk: Ok, but don't call me B-4. I'm not a robo-dork.

Picard: Merde, he sank my starship.
Data: You are distressingly bad at this game, sir.

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[T'Girl]

Uhura: "Captain, there's a incoming .. umm coming in ... ahh coming ...

Kirk: "Uhura, could you stop staring at Decker's unit long enough to tell me who the hell is calling?

Data: As you can see, the Bassen rift is our most direct course to rendezvous with the fleet.

Picard: Doesn't it block subspace communications.

Data: Good catch, Sir. I'll change course. Good thing we figured that out early, it would've been pretty embarrassing if we walked into a trap like that.

Picard: "I would have certainly looked the fool."

Data: "Yes sir, fool, dunce, dolt, ignoramus, imbecile, cretin, dullard, simpleton, moron ..."

Picard: "Thank you Mr. Data."

Data: "Picard the tard."

Picard: "DATA !!!"

.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Well?

SPOCK: The "hack" was successful. This film will always be voted the most popular in TrekBBS polls.

 

[Finn]

Uhura: Mmmm

Kirk: Who is it?

Uhura: Sp..Commander Spock

Kirk: What is he telling us...

Uhura...He's meditating. Yeah, that's it. He's telling us that he's mediating.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Uhura: "Recieving a communication from the 1970's. They say they want my hair cut back. I don't get it."

 

[Leviathan]

Starfleet's new uniform left little to the imagination and much to the sexual harassment lawsuit. It didn't last a year after the 'hey check out this communications antenna' incident.

 

[Triskelion]

Uhura: Crappy Pakled discount earpiece not worth a !@#$% - Sir, either there's a Klingon battle cruiser decloaking or Leonard's gone on a gay cattle cruise to Spokane.
Kirk: Well let me know if you figure it out!

Kirk: Ah, dining in style! Spock, stop playing asteroids. The priazzo's ready!

Picard: What's that?
Data: That is us, sir.
Picard: Impossible! I've seen the Enterprise, and it doesn't look like a little arrow! It looks like a sody pop pull tab!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[hux]

TFTW

Uhura: I'll have to get back to you, Commander Decker is showing me his penis again.

Spock: OK, I see two girls. One of them has a cup.

Kirk: Keep watching.

Picard: So it's confirmed.

Data: Yes captain, we appear to be in space.