Movie Caption Contest #49: Old Flames

[Rat Boy]

Now with correct spelling! Well, the title of the last contest was "Vul-can't," but you guys certainly are a bunch of "Vul-cans." Here are the winners:

Spock: I come in peace.
Vulcan Matriarch: You dolt, this is your planet!

Cochrane: "Only once every seven years? Sounds like my last marriage."

Nimoy: "Come back in a few years when you aren't so skinny and I'll photograph you naked."

Photoshop time!

MAITRE D': Sorry sir, this section is reserved for a private party

Congratulations to the winners. This week, we profile the old loves of our favorite movie captains (all right, there were only two of them), both in the figurative sense and the literal sense. As for our bonus picture, I can't really explain it. I was perusing Trekcore's gallery and came across this week's selection from the Generation's Special Edition DVD. Seeing how I don't have that version of the DVD, I haven't a clue what's going on. Maybe he's showing off Klingon weaponry, maybe he's demonstrating how chicks dig bladed weapons, who knows. I'm sure you guys can come up with something.

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov (thinking): Just pretend to be asleep and hope they don't start making out...

Anij: "You get the feeling that the romance has gone out of this relationship?"

Picard: "There was romance?"

Klingon: "Chicks dig the longsword."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Another win! Thanks!

Kirk: I guess "pulling out" isn't a very effective means of birth control.

Anij: Jean-Luc, there's something I have to tell you...
Picard: Look, I've already got one woman who can't finish that sentence. Come to think of it, you look a lot like her.
Anij: SHUT-UP! I'm pregnant, you twit.
Picard: Oh, guess "pulling out" isn't an effective means of birth control.

Woman: Is that a Bat'leth in your hands or are you happy to see me?

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Are you sure he's my son? I mean, he doesn't look anything like me."

Picard (thinking): Don't stare at her boobs, don't stare at her boobs...damn!

And you thought the Hell's Angels were vicious before.

 

[Gertch]

Anji: "I'm sorry. I should have told you I can read your thoughts."
Picard (embarrassed): "Please forgive me, I don't -"
Anji: "Sounds kinky. Lets go."
Picard * shhhhwing *

 

[Rat Boy]

Anij: "What's that smell?"

Picard: "Oops."

 

[John Picard]

Kirk, Carol Marcus, and Chekov are the first in the for the newest iPhone.

The US South has "Shotgun Weddings" while the Klingons have "Bat'leth Weddings".

 

[Triskelion]

Picard (thinking): Has she been slowing time all damn night?

You can just sit there in time out James until you spit out Chekov's ear.

It's not the size of your sword. It's the swagger in your swing.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Carol: Can I cook or can't I?
Kirk: I'm sorry, babe, but you couldn't cook back when I was boning you and you still can't. Your Beef Stroganoff tastes like cream of some young guy.

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"And there was something else I never told you, Carol...

All those orgasms?

I faked 'em."

ANIJ:"If I catch you staring at my chest one more time, Jean-Luc...

I'll show you how I can make time stand still for a bald Earthman. PERMANENTLY."

QO'NOSFEST 2008

Come for the Blood Sports

Stay for the Interspecies Erotica

 

[zephramc]

Carol Marcus: ...AND FOR TWENTY YEARS, TWENTY YEARS, I RAISED DAVID ALL BY MYSELF! WHERE WERE YOU!? WHERE WAS THE MONEY!? YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO SEND AN F@%#ING BIRTHDAY CARD! YOU WERE OUT THERE HELPING OTHER PLANETS, BUT YOU COULDN'T GET AROUND TO HELPING YOUR OWN SON AND HIS MOTHER...

Kirk *Thinking*: When will this b#tch shutup.

Anij: ... and then my next boyfriend, he was a deadbeat. He never could pay his bills. He was constantly borrowing money from me. I finally broke it off with him. Then the next guy, we were together for like, three months and I found out he was cheating on me, and then...

Picard *thinking*: When will this b#tch shutup.

 

[cooleddie74]

CAROL:"Don't be ashamed, Jim.

It happens to a lot of Starfleet officers...young AND old. And at least you were in there long enough to conceive our son."

ANIJ:"It took us centuries to learn that it doesn't have to take centuries to learn how to have multiple orgasms..."

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Even with the Ba'ku's ability to slow down time, Captain Picard was still notorious for his all-too-brief stamina.

 

[cooleddie74]

PICARD:"310 years...

and you STILL haven't sprouted anything bigger than an A-cup?!"

 

[Gertch]

Carol: "Jim, stop trying so hard. Those aren't small thought bubbles, they're lights."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: There's a man I haven't seen out there in fifteen years who thinks he's killed me. You show me my son who'd almost be happy to help. My son. My life that could've been and THANK GOD wasn't. That hair and that voice... are you sure to hell that's mine?!

 

[Candlelight]

Chekov's plan to get back at Kirk for the whole ear worm thing worked when he fell for the "invisible toilet" prank.

"Are you even listening to me?"
"That is an interesting crack in the floor isn't it?"

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "Goddam Sulu. I told him not to do Chekhov in the ear."

Carol: "Are you even listening to me?"
Picard: "I'm sorry, my hearing isn't what it used to be. Goddam Sulu."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

\

Another cougar snags herself a younger man.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Wait... did I say days instead of hours or hours instead of days? Damn, we could be screwed."

"Advanced philosophical views, a heightened state of awareness, warp capability and the ability to suspend time at will... and in three hundred years, you haven't heard of a trimmer!?"