Movie Caption Contest #155: Pompous and Circumstance

[Rat Boy]

Will you stop doing whatever it is you're doing in that box, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's try not to bruise the egos of...

For broken promises, our winner is...

I have your hand on it, Spock? You'll never volunteer me for a mission involving Klingons?

And for our proud new dad coming up for a little air, our winner is...

"So that's where Candlelight's been hiding."
"Best leave him there, Jim. I think he'll be busy for another month yet."

For novelties that wear off quickly, our winner is...

B-4: The man with the hairy face said I am up my own ass.

What does that mean?

And for figuring out the winning formula, our winner is...

Kirk: Spock, how do I win a caption contest??

Spock: Just badly photoshop some things into the picture. It never fails.

Congratulations to the winners (and especially Candlelight, who in the future might have to explain what nude jumping jacks and bath house bridges are if he's not careful). This week, we have Morrow trying to keep secret the fact that he's giving Kirk command of the Excelsior after the Enterprise is decommissioned contingent on the condition that he behaves himself. Next, Captain Styles is not a fan of the Batman-esque clothes changer on the Excelsior's turbolifts. And finally, Riker's starting to wonder about his captain's need to play dress-up. Caption smartly:

 

[Rat Boy]

Morrow: "Look, I'm getting sick of the Richard Pryor jokes. Yes, I free base and yes, I set myself on fire once. If you ever want a ship again, you'll stop..."

Kirk: *hums melody of "Come On Baby Light My Fire"*

Styles: "This always happens whenever I'm on the shitter."

Riker: "What is that smell?"

Picard: "Did I mention that this is a whaling vessel?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

Styles felt it was important to inform the crew of the status level of each bowl movement.

RIKER: The buggery sir?

PICARD: Make it so.

 

[LeadHead]

]

Morrow: In your absence, Genesis has become a Galactic Controversy.

Kirk: Aren't you exaggerating Sir? We've barely been out of the Alpha Quadrant.

Morrow: Okay, so it's mostly with this one Klingon Commander named Kruge, but don't worry about it, there's no chance you'll ever meet him.

Styles: Chase the Enterprise! Go to maximum speed!

First Officer: Man I wish Sulu had gotten this job.

Picard: Number One, I have a bad feeling about leaving you in command of the Enterprise....

 

[Nerys Myk]

MORROW: So let me get this straight. You've managed to destroy one starship, cripple another, loose a valuable peice of technology, plus kill two captains and lord knows how many cadets?

KIRK: Yep. Just another day at the office.

 

[Rat Boy]

Styles: "Sorry for being late. Traffic was a bitch."

 

[Aragorn]

MORROW: "No, I'm not the guy from 21 Jump Street."

KIRK: "Lethal Weapon?"

MORROW: "No."

UHURA: "The Last Dragon?"

MORROW: "No."

SULU: "You've Got Male Genitalia?"

MORROW: No... what?"

SULU: "What?"

STYLES (thinking): "Act calmly, straighten your uniform up. No one knows you were in your quarters watching You've Got Male Genitalia. Crap, did I check for stains?"

RIKER: "Are those naked pirate wenches over there?"

PICARD: "Damn, I knew I shouldn't have used one of Barclay's holodeck programs for this ceremony."

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Picard: What is the point of this scene??

Riker: Shhh! or they'll give the movie to "Voyager"

 

[Trekker4747]

Kirk: Tell me how is that in 300 years the damn cheveron-mustache still hasn't gone out of style?! Are people still watching Magnum P.I. reruns around here?

Styles: You know, Starfleet really shouldn't have made that interior-design contract with Apple, these iBridges suck!

Riker: You know, your hat sort-of looks like an alien's vagina.

 

[Rat Boy]

Riker: "Uh, Captain, I think the holodeck's broken again."

Picard: "Oh, why?"

Riker: "If I'm not mistaken, that's the cast of 'You've Got Male Genitalia' on that island over there."

*Picard turns to Riker aghast*

 

[LeadHead]

Sulu: Uh-oh, it's Admiral Morrow, he's always so many steps behind the times.

Morrow: Welcome back Admiral Kirk. I was saddened to hear of the losses you took on your mission.

Kirk: Thank you Sir.

Morrow:Will there be memorial services for Captain Decker and Lieutenant Ilia?

Styles: Did we buy this bridge at Ikea?

Riker: Bad food.... brutal discipline...

Picard: Thank you for reminding me! Mister Worf, now that Commander Riker has effectively dunked you, I assign you to flog him today.

Worf: Aye Captain!

 

[BriGuy]

Morrow: I promise you Jim. If you can't get me one date with Uhura, you'll never captain a starship again.

Never fear, Captain Rectum is here!

Picard: I miss my old chaps.

Riker: The ass-less ones?

Picard: Were there any others?

 

[BriGuy]

Riker: You know, your hat sort-of looks like an alien's vagina.

Not to worry, commander. Most of the people who will see this movie won't be able to recognize the similarity.

 

[BriGuy]

Cadet: Damn, the captain's back... gotta log off Facebook before he sees...

 

[TeaKirk]

Morrow: I promise you Jim. If you can't get me one date with Uhura, you'll never captain a starship again.

How about Sulu?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Hill Street Blues theme plays.

 

[Rat Boy]

Morrow: "Jim, the Enterprise is twenty years old."

Kirk: "Twenty? She's closer to forty, sir."

Morrow: "Really? To tell you the truth, I thought she was a little young for scrapping a moment ago, but I guess now we're making the right decision."

*Sulu, Uhura, Scotty, and Chekov face palm*

Styles: "Folks might want to stay out of the turbolift awhile. Mr. Scott left a present."

Picard: "You let the counselor take the helm?"

Riker: "She'll do fine. Taught her everything I..." *CRASH!* "...know."

Troi: "Oops!"

 

[cooleddie74]

MORROW: Jim, the Enterprise is 20 years old!

KIRK: Forty, actually.

But...hey. Who's counting, huh? Let's just forget about the crippled and deformed guy living on Talos IV why don't we?


JERK.


I'm gonna tell him you forgot him. You watch.

The U.S.S. Excelsior NX-2000.

The first Federation starship built entirely out of old fan-film sets and iPads.

Picard suddenly realized the movie wasn't going to get much better.

 

[cooleddie74]

MORROW: Jim, the Enterprise is being decommissioned. I'm sorry. The decision is final.

KIRK: But...but...

my plans to go treasure hunting!!!

 

[BriGuy]

MORROW: Jim, the Enterprise is 20 years old. We feel her day is done.

KIRK: But you can't decommission the ship now! There's still four decks I haven't had sex with aliens on!!

Give me a few days... tops...