Movie Caption Contest #116: Date Night

[Rat Boy]

Abort destruct sequence, code 1-2-3-continuity, because it's time for another caption contest. First, brace for impact as we honor...

For getting the jump on the next American holiday, our winner is...

Scotty: "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

And for more than a minor setback in equality in the workplace, our winner is...

Data: "Not just those of the counseling profession, but every non-command track officer who ever wanted to pilot a starship, they were all so proud of you! Leading the charge, breaking through that 'glass ceiling,' you were an inspiration to all of them! How could they have possibly known that you were going to so royally fuck it up!

And for showing that you always want to get your directions right when watching meteor showers, our Photoshop winner is...

Kirk: "Scotty, you sure these are the correct coordinates?"

Scotty: "Aye sir, we should be able to see her from here"

Kirk: "Alright... keep your eyes peeled"

Congratulations to the winners and here's our updated tally...

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 54
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 52
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 44
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 32
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 24
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 23
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 23
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
Turd Ferguson 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
scottydog 14
LeadHead 13
Skywalker 13
Alrik 13
Nebusj 12
DS9Sega 11
zephramc 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
BriGuy 9
Tharpdevenport 9
Kirby 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 7
Atavachron 6
jptrekker 6
captain crow 6
TheGallifreyanSith 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Bad Atom 5
Daneel 5
Deranged Nasat 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
Mistral 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
B.J. 4
Starpaul20 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
USS Bones 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1
Aragorn 1
Rat Boy 1
Tribble 1
Jonas Grumby 1

This week, we pay tribute to that one subplot that always seemed to get shoe-horned into these movies at the studio's insistence: romance. First up, Admiral Kirk can't believe Gillian bought that BS about there not being any money in the future. Second, you don't need to be a Betazoid to sense what's up with Riker. And finally as we lead up to the release of the most recent film on DVD and Blu-Ray in a couple of weeks, I'll be adding a pick from that into the mix. For this week, we have Uhura trying to explain to young Kirk that she prefers men with a certain...gift. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Waiter: "But you only gave me a ten."

Kirk: "Oh, relax, Cupcake; just put it on our tab."

Waiter: "Tab?"

Gillian: "Cupcake?"

Riker: "You do this for all your patients?"

Troi: "You'd be surprised what letting them put their heads in my lap does for Beverly or Guinan."

Uhura: "I'm impressed."

Kirk: "Really?"

Uhura: "No, not really."

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "If I keep pinching her nipple, will you take 10% off the bill?"

Troi: "Your secret is safe with me. Now spread your legs and we'll begin the pap smear."

Uhura: "My first name? Allota. Allota Vagina."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Nine bucks for a beer? You people really are savages."

Janeway (off camera): "It's nice they let me keep the old office after we got back and...what the fuck are you two doing in here?"

Kirk: "You, me, in togas. Sound like fun?"

Uhura: "I'd have to be forced into doing that."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Waiter: "His Excellency the Klingon Ambassador would like to have it known that if, and I quote, "that kest'n patakh Kirk puts his bill on my tab one more time, I will take my d'k'tagh and rip his kest'n guts out". His Excellency also points out that he is currently sitting at table four and is in a particularly bad mood".

Uhura's earring: "Bzzzzz. Linguistic and Communications database accessed. Searching....synonyms for "complete asshole".... Accessing...

Uhura (sexy seductive voice): "You know, Kirk, you're what we communications specialists like to call a Yethlethst Thaltisith. That's Andorian".

Kirk (equally sexy seductive voice): Yeah, they know me well over that way..."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Riker: How 'bout a good ole beard-muff rub?

Riker: Sit on my face and tell me how much you love me.

Troi: I've never had you eat me with a beard before.

Uhura: I have a boyfriend.
Kirk: That's okay. I swing both ways. We can have a threesome.
Uhura: With his equipment, it's already a threesome.

 

[LeadHead]

Waiter: Who gets the bad news?

Gillian: Don't tell me they don't have money in the 23rd Century.

Kirk: No, you just haven't invented Debit Cards yet.

Troi staged the prenup conference to work in her favor.

 

[Candlelight]

And finally as we lead up to the release of the most recent film on DVD and Blu-Ray in a couple of weeks...

*Laughs maniacally while holding his Region 4 copy*

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Whats my next move?

KIRK: Rookies. ( rolls eyes)

 

[Nerys Myk]

.

UHURA: Maybe if you had hazel eyes.

 

[Candlelight]

Kirk: "We have to go, we have to save the Earth of the future and... oh THAT's pizza... yeah, might have wait, take your coat off, we're gonna be a while."

"Deanna... I think you're great but... "
"But what, Will?"
"It's just... it's just the hairy beast you've got growing in the corner. It freaks the shit out of me"

Kirk: "I have no idea what you look like Uhura cos this image won't load for me, but I'll bet I'm hitting on you"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: I too have a talented tongue. You can say I'm a cunning linguist.

 

[Candlelight]

Hooray! It loaded!

Kirk: "I think I remember you from history..."
Uhura: "Oh... really...?"
Kirk: "Yeah, you look like Barack-"
*THWACK!*

"Oh so you do like my red matter earrings? I thought you missed them"
"Not the black hole I'm talking about, honey"

 

[Rat Boy]

Way back in the year 2007...

Sirtis: "So they're doing a new movie."

Frakes: "Oh, who's directing?"

Sirtis: "The guy who created Felicity."

Frakes: "Ouch, who's writing?"

Sirtis: "Two guys who worked on Xena: Warrior Princess."

Frakes: "Hmmmmmmmm..."

*flashback harp music*

Kirk: "Look, Uhura, you're a great girl and all, but I'm in love with Gaila. I feel like we're soul mates and I'm..."

Uhura: "Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!"

*dropkicks Kirk*

 

[Candlelight]

"Gaila and I are getting married. Once we finish this mission to Vulcan we're gonna steal a shuttle and head for somewhere quiet. I only hope she got my message about the dodgy shields aboard the Farragut."

"She's fucked"

"I know, but she's so hot"

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Kirk: "Gorgeous!"

Uhura: "Why, thank you."

Kirk: "I meant me."

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Kirk: "Will that pizza make my ass look big?"

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "Good night, we had a whale of a time."

<groan>

Kirk: "After eating this meal, I hope we didn't put on too much blubber."

<groan>

Kirk: "Before eating, we all said gracie."

<groan>

Gillian, whispering: "Okay, enough."
Kirk: "Okay."

 

[S'kai]

Waiter: "There you are sir. And don't forget to pick up your light saber on the way out."

 

[Rat Boy]

"Gaila and I are getting married. Once we finish this mission to Vulcan we're gonna steal a shuttle and head for somewhere quiet. I only hope she got my message about the dodgy shields aboard the Farragut."

"She's fucked"

"I know, but she's so hot"

The beauty of this one is that the dialogue works both ways.