Movie Caption Contest #111: Blu-Ray Blues - The Voyage Home

[Rat Boy]

Captions you name, winners I name, otherwise contest noooooooooooo! Must be time for a new one, so as I said, let's name...

For demonstrating the fact that Klingons get little respect in these movies (and I believe this caption's correct), our winner is...

Commander Kruge, this is Valkris, and the only time your name will be said in this movie.

For Admiral Kirk suddenly realizing why McCoy had a hump that seemed to shift from side to side, our winner is...

Kirk: "Dammit, you're a doctor, not Marty Feldman!"

For the ugly side of inbreeding (is there really a good one?), our winner is...

Like this I talk choice is not; Mom and Dad cousins were, live under power lines did we.

For just a little mix-up, our winner is...

``It's desperate, Scotty, but only you, me, and Sulu here can save the day.''
``Jim ... that's Chekov.''
``What's the difference?''
``Keptain has a point there.''

And in lieu of a Photoshop award since there were no 'shops this past week, here's a multiple-picture, multiple-caption winner that delves into what goes on when our favorite characters aren't being brought out for our amusement...

In a moving and heartfelt address to the nation, Grignak reveals the truth about conditions in the Caption Contest Waiting Room:

"...and forced to skin and cook Keyboard Cat for food, Mrs Slocombe and Conway Twitty were....

"Dear god, no!"

"In this day and age!"

"...Shave Carl Spock's 'fro for bedding, we did..."

...Rendered incoherent and near catatonic through boredom, was Arse-Rubbing Clone McCoy, ...

"...Thought there could be no greater torment, I did..."

Scotty: "Aye, he's telling the truth, lads. I were there myself following the contest with the hole in my wall".

Chekov: "These Trek BBS fiends..."

Congratulations to the winners and here's the latest tally:

Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 50
Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 50
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 43
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 31
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 23
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 23
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 21
Turd Ferguson 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
LeadHead 13
Skywalker 12
Alrik 12
scottydog 12
Nebusj 12
DS9Sega 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
zephramc 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
BriGuy 9
Tharpdevenport 9
Kirby 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
jptrekker 6
captain crow 6
TheGallifreyanSith 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Bad Atom 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
Mistral 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
B.J. 4
Daneel 4
Deranged Nasat 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1
Aragorn 1
USS Bones 1

This week, we continue our delving into the Blu-Ray versions of the movies, moving on to #4. Since it mostly takes place in the present...er...past...er, well you get the idea, we'll be highlighting some of the residents of old San Francisco. First up, we have a cabbie politely reminding Admiral Kirk to utilize the clearly-marked crosswalks. Second, it's the return of Vomit, who's none too pleased about conditions in the Caption Contest Character Waiting Room. Third, two FBI agents try to make sense of Chekov's wardrobe. And finally, McCoy and Kirk watch as two doctors suddenly realize they did the same nurse in the same operating room. It's time for a few colorful metaphors:

 

[Rat Boy]

Cabbie: "Why don't you watch what you're directing, you dumbass!"

Shatner: "Well, a double dumbass on you!"

Vomit really hated Dodgers fans.

Agent on the right: "Look, I'm the one wearing the vest, that means I'm in charge."

Agent on the left: "Prick."

Doctor on the left: "...so all he did was squeeze my buttcheeks and beat off."

Kirk & McCoy (to themselves): "Sulu."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Cabbie: "Hi, and welcome to Double Dumass Cab -- a TV game show that takes place right here -- outside my taxi. I'm gonna call people a 'double dumbass' along the way. As the hours pass by and the traffic gets tougher, the colorful metaphores will become more complex. So, what do you say? Wanna be called a 'double dumbass'?"

Where will you be when your electric butt plug malfunctions?

 

[Captain Crow]

Cab Driver: Get out of the way dumbass!

Denny Crane: I'm Denny Crane.

Cab Driver: I don't give a fuck who you are! MOVE!

Denny Crane: Well, I don't give a double fuck who you are.

Kik: What is that odd man doing?

Spock: I believe he's saying you're number one, Jim.

Another satisfied Star Trek: Nemisis viewer.

Doctor Screen Left: Are you okay you look funny.

Doctor Screen Right: I think their patient is giving me a blow job.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Hey, I'm looking for a taxi driver who looks like a Klingon, goes by the name of Reverend Jim, do you know him?"

Spock: "I believe this is the moment for a colourful pull my finger gag."

Fed 1: "Oh my God, I think I'm going to throw up."
Fed 2: "My eyes, they burn. But I can't look away."
Chekov: "Basic Instinct vas inwented in Russia."

Doc 1: "Not contacts, Lasik. Quick, painless, accurate, and I've got 20/20 vision again."

Kirk: "I can't believe that Retinax bullshit you put me through. That's just so you could give me your 'present.' I must have looked like a dork facing off against Khan."

McCoy: "... um, yeah... Hey guys, you wanna mention chemotherapy so I can act all superior and high and mighty?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Agent: "Okay, make nice: give us the ray gun."

Chekov: "Back de wuck off or Paul Reiser gets waporized!"

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Vomit didn't care to defend his love of Creed against would-be dissenters.

"In Soviet Russia, nuclear wessel drains YOU."

"All right, three and a half hours of this is officially my breaking point."

"So have you ever shot a local anesthetic into your junk and jerked off in a CAT scan machine? I tried it for the first time the other night and it was pretty sweet."

 

[Candlelight]

Kirk: "Excuse me, I'm looking for cab 228, have you seen it by any chance?"

Spock: "An unfortunate timing captain. In 20 years time, he would've turned up his iPod and simply ignored us"

Hilarious whoopee cushion gag in 3... 2... 1...

"Bones... I can't stop starring at this Doctor... he's so... fascinating to look at"
"My God Jim, I think I just flooded my whole compartment"

 

[Mysterion]

Kirk (to McCoy): 'McDreamy'? 'McSteamy'? Do you have any idea what they're talking about?

McCoy: Damned primative 20th Century hospitals!

 

[cooleddie74]

CABBIE:"Hey...were you the guy who showed pictures of my wife on RESCUE 911?

Asshole!!!"

"Sit and spin, Denny Crane.

Shove THIS up your legal briefs."

St. ELSEWHERE

THE NEXT GENERATION

 

[cooleddie74]

"HEY!!!

SHATNER!!!

Thanks for making KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS!!! That nougated deer turd ruined my marriage, ya double dumbass!!!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Cabbie: "No, really, do you know the way to San Jose?!"

Doctor on the left: "Just got done with another sex change. I keep trying to tell these people that horse penises just aren't that believable, and yet they keep asking for them."

McCoy: "We're dealing with medievalism."

 

[Mysterion]

Kirk (to blonde Doctor): When can I meet Scrubs? I wanna meet Scrubs! Ooooh! And Black Scrubs, too!

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Hey, he said it! Did you have to kick me in the testicles?"

 

[Candlelight]

"Get out of the way! I gotta go get Miss Daisy!"
"But you're not black?"
"No, last time I was late, she kicked the black out of me! Who knows what she'll do next?!!!"
"???"

 

[Candlelight]

Left Doc: "...and then when he woke up he was so happy he wept. And coincidentally that was my 50th hair transplant"
McCoy: "Jim, we have to get out of here"
Kirk: "...hair transplant you say..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "So, uh, anyone got any leaches?"

 

[Mistral]

Kirk: "I didn't realize people in the past were so...tall!"

McCoy: "This one seems to be lacking an Adam's apple!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Helen Hunt's audition for Mad About You consisted of walking in naked. She obviously won the part.

(sorry, the guy on the left looks like Paul Reiser)

 

[ChristopherPike]

Doctor A: "So then... err... our shift will be over in a few hours' time... afterwards, would you fancy a drink...?"

Doctor B: (finishing sentence) "...and then back to your place?"

McCoy: "Damn it, Jim... these 20th Century boys work faster than you do."

"Hey T J Hooker! Unless you're commandeering this vehicle... get out of the fucking road!"

Punk on Bus: "HEY! HEY YOU! Yeah, I'm talking to you... the dude with the Beatles-fringe.

Take a look at this bogey on my finger! It's awesome. Bet you've never seen anything that green before!"