This
Otherwise it's used as a lazy cudgel to avoid talking about what the film actually means to the individual viewer. What lt spoke to you, what you enjoyed and didn't enjoy.
Otherwise it's self-inflicted anxiety.
Spoilers Marvel Cinematic Universe spoiler-heavy speculation thread
- Thread starter bbjeg
- Start date
Otherwise it's used as a lazy cudgel to avoid talking about what the film actually means to the individual viewer. What lt spoke to you, what you enjoyed and didn't enjoy.
Otherwise it's self-inflicted anxiety.
What's that, actual MCU discussion?!
The Hood should've responded to the "are we Ocean's 11 or The Sopranos" question with "We're Dog Day Afternoon," although I imagine that would scare off Riri...
Indeed. My biggest frustration with the Thunderbolts* thread was precisely this issue. I desperately tried to steer it in the right direction multiple times because Thunderbolts* brought up a lot of great questions about mental health and I was hoping more people got out of that film as I did, just as the film intended.
Full disclosure and apologies in advance, because I know some have a visceral reaction to anything AI. Anyway, back post-Endgame, I commented that I wanted to see a recap of the MCU as told by Luis from the Ant-Man movies after someone asked him "Whatever happened to your van?" As that never actually happened, today I prompted the whole scenario into Chat GPT and ask it to extrapolate. It took a few prompts to get it right as it got a few details wrong and the first version had Luis telling the story to three people who were actually there-- including Scott! 
All I did was ask was for Luis to be telling the story to phase 4 characters. Anyway, I liked what it came up with and take no authorial claim whatsoever over it...
[INT. S.W.O.R.D. DEBRIEF ROOM – 2026 – EARTH-199999]
Shang-Chi leans back in his chair, nursing a cup of alien tea he’s pretending to enjoy. Katy’s scrolling her phone. Darcy Lewis reviews a glowing datapad. Kamala Khan is vibrating with the kind of energy only someone who grew up on Avengers TikTok can contain. Luis is pacing in front of them, having not been asked to present anything at all.
Kamala (suddenly):
“Wait—whatever happened to your van?”
Luis (stops cold, turns slowly):
“Ohhh… you noticed the van? Okay okay, see, that’s a deep cut. Respect. So here’s what happened, but we gotta go way back, alright?”
[Luis Monologue Mode – Stylized Flashbacks Imagined in MCU Style]
Luis (VO):
“So the universe goes boom, and bam—six cosmic rocks pop out like surprise party favors. Each one’s got powers—like, big powers. There’s the Mind Stone, which is like, mind control slash sentience slash heartbreak generator; the Space Stone, basically Uber for gods; the Time Stone, which is Doctor Strange’s whole vibe; Reality Stone, pure chaos—think Salvador Dalí but angry; Power Stone, that’s just ‘explode stuff’ on steroids; and the Soul Stone—feelings. But like, deadly feelings.”
“So anyway, these stones bounce around for a while. The Celestials? Yeah, they show up. Massive dudes, look like bobbleheads made of planets. Then eventually, the Tesseract ends up on Earth and this Red Skull Nazi guy tries to use it in, like, 1942. He gets zapped into space jail. Meanwhile, Cap crashes a plane, becomes a popsicle. Flash forward—Tony Stark builds a robot suit in a cave, Thor loses his hammer, Loki loses his mind, Bruce turns green and smashy, Natasha’s doing spy stuff, Hawkeye’s… y’know, there.”
“So they all team up, call themselves the Avengers, they save New York from aliens—which, by the way, were sent by Thanos, and that dude’s like, cosmic-level purple stress.”
“Years pass. Civil wars happen—Cap vs Iron Man, airport fight, wild stuff. There’s a talking raccoon now, Doctor Strange does weird hand circles, and the kid from Queens swings into frame like ‘Yo Mr. Stark!’ But then—bam! Thanos shows up like, ‘I’m inevitable,’ and just starts collecting rocks like Pokémon cards, only each one lets you vaporize people. So snap!—half of everybody’s gone. Boom. I got snapped, by the way. Total bummer.”
Luis (Back in Room):
“So fast-forward to my boy Scott—Ant-Man. He gets sucked into the Quantum Realm because of time vortex something-something science words, and five years later—boom!—he pops out and he’s like, ‘Yo, I got a plan. Let’s do some Back to the Future–level time travel and stop Thanos before he even snaps.’”
“And the only way to make that happen? My van. My beautiful, busted-up X-Con security van with the custom horn that plays La Cucaracha and a time machine in the backseat. Scott drives it across the country like it’s Uber for destiny. Parks it right at Avengers HQ. They hook it up, run their whole ‘time heist’ through the Quantum Tunnel in the back of my van.”
Katy (murmurs to Shang-Chi):
“Wait, they saved the universe with a… 1998 Dodge Ram?”
Luis (without missing a beat):
“Yes. It was vintage. Anyway—they get the stones, do the snap, bring everybody back, and everyone’s all happy for like five minutes until Thanos from the past shows up, angry and bald-chinned, and just nukes the whole compound from orbit. Like boom-boom-boom—craters, chaos, Hawkeye in a tunnel. And my van? My van is just sittin’ there. In the middle of all of it.”
Luis (getting more emotional):
“So now it’s the final battle, right? Every hero from every timeline shows up—magic portals, lasers, Wakandan battle chants, a raccoon with a machine gun, Valkyrie on a flying horse—it’s like Comic-Con threw up on a battlefield. And in the middle of all of it—my van is still there. Holding the Quantum Tunnel. You know, holding the line.”
“Then this glowy space-lady—Captain Marvel—she’s like whoosh! boom! punch-a-spaceshiDap!—she shows up with the Gauntlet and she’s like, ‘Hey, I’m gonna toss these stones back through time using the Quantum Tunnel in this ratty van,’ and I’m like YES, Luis saves the world! And then—”
(He slaps the table.)
“THANOS BLOWS. UP. MY. VAN.”
Shang-Chi, Katy, Kamala, and Darcy sit around the table, enraptured. A reverent hush.
Kamala (breathless):
“Legendary.”
Darcy (waiting)
"That's it? I was invested!"
Shang-Chi (blinking):
“Wait—what about the fate of the universe?”
Luis (shrugs, waves it off):
“Oh yeah, yeah, Tony snapped his fingers and the bad guys disappeared, all that. But man… my van. Total loss. Like cosmic-level insurance claim. Tragic.”
He looks off into the distance, lost in thought. A single piano note plays.
Truly, a tale of tragedy and awkward insurance filings.
All I did was ask was for Luis to be telling the story to phase 4 characters. Anyway, I liked what it came up with and take no authorial claim whatsoever over it...[INT. S.W.O.R.D. DEBRIEF ROOM – 2026 – EARTH-199999]
Shang-Chi leans back in his chair, nursing a cup of alien tea he’s pretending to enjoy. Katy’s scrolling her phone. Darcy Lewis reviews a glowing datapad. Kamala Khan is vibrating with the kind of energy only someone who grew up on Avengers TikTok can contain. Luis is pacing in front of them, having not been asked to present anything at all.
Kamala (suddenly):
“Wait—whatever happened to your van?”
Luis (stops cold, turns slowly):
“Ohhh… you noticed the van? Okay okay, see, that’s a deep cut. Respect. So here’s what happened, but we gotta go way back, alright?”
[Luis Monologue Mode – Stylized Flashbacks Imagined in MCU Style]
Luis (VO):
“So the universe goes boom, and bam—six cosmic rocks pop out like surprise party favors. Each one’s got powers—like, big powers. There’s the Mind Stone, which is like, mind control slash sentience slash heartbreak generator; the Space Stone, basically Uber for gods; the Time Stone, which is Doctor Strange’s whole vibe; Reality Stone, pure chaos—think Salvador Dalí but angry; Power Stone, that’s just ‘explode stuff’ on steroids; and the Soul Stone—feelings. But like, deadly feelings.”
“So anyway, these stones bounce around for a while. The Celestials? Yeah, they show up. Massive dudes, look like bobbleheads made of planets. Then eventually, the Tesseract ends up on Earth and this Red Skull Nazi guy tries to use it in, like, 1942. He gets zapped into space jail. Meanwhile, Cap crashes a plane, becomes a popsicle. Flash forward—Tony Stark builds a robot suit in a cave, Thor loses his hammer, Loki loses his mind, Bruce turns green and smashy, Natasha’s doing spy stuff, Hawkeye’s… y’know, there.”
“So they all team up, call themselves the Avengers, they save New York from aliens—which, by the way, were sent by Thanos, and that dude’s like, cosmic-level purple stress.”
“Years pass. Civil wars happen—Cap vs Iron Man, airport fight, wild stuff. There’s a talking raccoon now, Doctor Strange does weird hand circles, and the kid from Queens swings into frame like ‘Yo Mr. Stark!’ But then—bam! Thanos shows up like, ‘I’m inevitable,’ and just starts collecting rocks like Pokémon cards, only each one lets you vaporize people. So snap!—half of everybody’s gone. Boom. I got snapped, by the way. Total bummer.”
Luis (Back in Room):
“So fast-forward to my boy Scott—Ant-Man. He gets sucked into the Quantum Realm because of time vortex something-something science words, and five years later—boom!—he pops out and he’s like, ‘Yo, I got a plan. Let’s do some Back to the Future–level time travel and stop Thanos before he even snaps.’”
“And the only way to make that happen? My van. My beautiful, busted-up X-Con security van with the custom horn that plays La Cucaracha and a time machine in the backseat. Scott drives it across the country like it’s Uber for destiny. Parks it right at Avengers HQ. They hook it up, run their whole ‘time heist’ through the Quantum Tunnel in the back of my van.”
Katy (murmurs to Shang-Chi):
“Wait, they saved the universe with a… 1998 Dodge Ram?”
Luis (without missing a beat):
“Yes. It was vintage. Anyway—they get the stones, do the snap, bring everybody back, and everyone’s all happy for like five minutes until Thanos from the past shows up, angry and bald-chinned, and just nukes the whole compound from orbit. Like boom-boom-boom—craters, chaos, Hawkeye in a tunnel. And my van? My van is just sittin’ there. In the middle of all of it.”
Luis (getting more emotional):
“So now it’s the final battle, right? Every hero from every timeline shows up—magic portals, lasers, Wakandan battle chants, a raccoon with a machine gun, Valkyrie on a flying horse—it’s like Comic-Con threw up on a battlefield. And in the middle of all of it—my van is still there. Holding the Quantum Tunnel. You know, holding the line.”
“Then this glowy space-lady—Captain Marvel—she’s like whoosh! boom! punch-a-spaceshiDap!—she shows up with the Gauntlet and she’s like, ‘Hey, I’m gonna toss these stones back through time using the Quantum Tunnel in this ratty van,’ and I’m like YES, Luis saves the world! And then—”
(He slaps the table.)
“THANOS BLOWS. UP. MY. VAN.”
Shang-Chi, Katy, Kamala, and Darcy sit around the table, enraptured. A reverent hush.
Kamala (breathless):
“Legendary.”
Darcy (waiting)
"That's it? I was invested!"
Shang-Chi (blinking):
“Wait—what about the fate of the universe?”
Luis (shrugs, waves it off):
“Oh yeah, yeah, Tony snapped his fingers and the bad guys disappeared, all that. But man… my van. Total loss. Like cosmic-level insurance claim. Tragic.”
He looks off into the distance, lost in thought. A single piano note plays.
Truly, a tale of tragedy and awkward insurance filings.
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