Lines You'd Never Hear in Trek

[Amaris]

"Captain's Log"...*flush of toilet*..."Stardate 12345. It seems we've run out of toilet paper."


-J.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Kirk: (Orion Slave Women trying to have their way with him) NO... this... isn'tright... I... must... RESIST!

Picard: Away team, meet me in transporter room three. We're going over there and kicking some ass!

 

[Tralis]

Sisko: Quark, its almost Jake's 18th Birthday. I want to give him... a suprise. A treat. Maybe somethign a little less kinky that Vulcan Love Slave, though?

Quark: How about a simulation of the girl's dormitory at Starfleet Academy

Sisko: Hold that one... I have a ... different freind who'd like it. But I don't think that's Jake's cup of tea.

Quark: Busty Bajoran Beauties.

Sisko: Perfect.

 

[Hambone]

Spock: "Skipper, the natives are gonna try to kidnap the girls!"

Kirk: "Don't worry, little buddy, the professor will get us out of this somehow!"

-OR-

Dr. Helen Noel: ...the Christmas party...I suggest it happened a different way...

(CUE PORNO MUSIC) Boom-chicka-wah-chicka-boom-chicka-wah-wah...

 

[Wesson]

Cadet: Sir, Instead of running away on impulse, why not disperse the Genesis Device in a transporter beam?

 

[Bill Morris]

McCOY: I'm a doctor, not a proctologist!

 

[NathanielM]

Picard: Don't step on my blue swede shoes Troi Baby....

 

[NathanielM]

Kirk: Its Fallen and I can't get it up!

 

[NathanielM]

Picard: Number One did you see my toupee laying around someplace?

 

[Brennyren]

"This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise. Take off your clothes and surrender, or we'll slap you raw."

Brennyren

 

[Photon]

Tuvok: Capt Janeway, I have a groovy idea to help the crew pass the time. Lets replicate a disco ball and clothing of the late 70's and I'll bust some Travolta moves if you'll be my hot babe in a dress. After that, I'll be at your Tupperware party.

 

[Leandar]

TRIP: Captain, Earth has been attacked by a huge alien weapon and it just took out a big chunk of Florida!

ARCHER: Oh, boy!

 

[Photon]

Janeway: Good to see you again Jean-Luc, we're having prayer and Bible study in my office at Starbase 1-you're more than invited

Picard: I'd love to Admiral. Should I bring the study Bible or the regular one. And one more thing, make sure the Earl Grey is hot.

 

[Aragorn]

Picard: "Geordi, quit duct taping your penis and return to engineering."

 

[dispy]

New Cadet says to landing party about to beam down onto dangerous planet: "Okay,okay, I'll go. Just give me a minute to change from this RED uniform to another color."

 

[dispy]

Spock to Cadet reading a newspaper: "May I borrow the comics section when you're done?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD (to Guinan): Oi, a pint of bitter luv.

 

[Brannigan]

"Uh eh Johnathan, Ziggy says that there is a 90% chance this mission aboard the Enterprise is going to fail"
"Al, you gotta get me outta this command"
"Sorry John, Ziggy says your supposed to try and carry this franchise, good luck"

 

[SmoothieX]

Riker: Captain, I recommend we let Counselor Troi steer the ship through this asterois field.

 

[Ezri]

Kira to Ezri: “Ezri Dax you need to wear a bra when you are on duty”
Ezri to Kira: “I never used a bra my whole life”
Kira to Ezri: “Sorry Ezri you got to wear one dress code is the dress code you need to wear one”