Lines You'd Never Hear in Trek

[Trekwatcher]

Spock: "Captain, we appear to have landed on a planet with a stable government who are not ruled by computers. They state that they do not need any assistance from us."

 

[Trekwatcher]

Picard: "Number One, did you see where I left my Rogaine?"

 

[Kemaiku]

"The what directive?"

"I'm gay"

"No thanks, I'm very much Human"

"Ah yes, emotions, I know them well"

"Just go to warp already"

"Ah so theres the bathroom"

 

[Jamee999]

"Yes, I'm a captain. America? Where?"

 

[Kirby]

Admiral: Kirk, there is a crisis on 'Random planet IV', we need you to get there immediately.

Kirk: Gee Admiral, we're having some technical problems. Can someone else do it?

Admiral: No, the Enterprise is the only ship in the quadrant.

Kirk: Really?

Admiral: No, just kidding we actually have dozens of other ships that can handle this. Have a good day.

 

[TGTheodore]

Kirk: No, wait! We can get out of this without confounding their main computer.

--Ted

 

[cultcross]

Picard: "Who is this guy? Not one of his works was on the curriculum at the academy"

 

[Kirby]

"I don't like Shakespeare"

"Wesley Crusher just kicked my ass... again."

"That was a compotent, rational, friendly, admiral/diplomat with absolutely no hidden agenda whatsoever."

 

[Valin]

Quark's ladies. You only live once."

Bones: "He's not dead, Jim."
Uhura:"Hailing frequencies are closed."
Chekov: "No, they never had this in Russia."
Sisko:"Sure Jake, have fun with all of Quark's girls. You only live once."
Kirk: "I hate this ship. All she ever does is get me in trouble."
Jadzia Dax:"No thanks, I'm not in the mood."

 

[Trekwatcher]

Re: Quark's ladies. You only live once."

McCoy: "Sit down for a while and let me tell you all about my ex-wife and our daughter Joanna."

Spock: "I love you too, Dad."

Scotty: "I'll have the nonalcoholic beer, please."

 

[Trekwatcher]

Edith Keeler: "Get out of my mission and get a job, you worthless drunk!"

Harry Mudd: "I'll get the check this time."

Romulan Comander to Kirk: "Okay, okay! We surrender!"

 

[exodus]

Kirk: "Bitch, bring me my pimp cane!"

 

[Trek Girl Dana]

Picard - "Screw the Prime Directive, let's attack these bastards before they attack us!"

Kirk - "Yeoman, I'm afraid you are going to have to go back to your quarters and change; your skirt is way too short."

Spock - "Dr. McCoy, you are the most logical human I know."

 

[Cicero]

"Use the Force, Jim."

 

[Shatmandu]

O'Brien: "I finally changed all the light bulbs on the station. Everything's nice and bright."

Spock: "Dr. McCoy, why don't you go fuck yourself?"

Janeway: "Man, Seven's tits are huuuuge."

Kirk: "We've got to change our Safety Word from 'deeper,' Spock."

 

[sbk1234]

Picard: "To hell with the Prime Directive! Kick their fucking primitive alien asses!"

 

[23skidoo]

Forbin said:
Quick! Hand me that piano!

Do what you want to the girl, just leave me alone!

[/Carlin]

Get out of my head - I was just about to do that!


So let's try:

Riker/Paris/Trip/any other 20th century-obsessed officer: "Tonight in the rec hall I've arranged a showing of Star Wars, the greatest science fiction masterpiece of the 20th Century! "

Think about that one for a bit!

Here's a silly one:

Kirk: "Hey, Spock, have you seen Yeoman Rand since those actors left the ship?"
Spock: "Beats me. Hey, there's a Romulan ship approaching."

(Ya gotta know your TOS to get that one!)

Cheers!

Alex

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Je suis capitaine Jean-Luc Picard de l'entreprise de Starship. Je représente la fédération unie des planètes.

 

[Adagio]

To be fair, French is probably a dead language by the 24th century.

 

[captcalhoun]

it is, Data said so and pissed off Picard.