And the difference between the two scenarios you posted and depression? Those things are transient. They come, and then they go, after varying amounts of time. They are normal emotional responses to specific events. Depression is there from the moment you wake up to the moment it gives you insomnia the next night. Depression isn't caused by being a wimp or a crybaby, and it isn't solved by 'learning to get over it'. It's an illness that needs to be treated, and it isn't treated or helped by telling the sufferer to just grow up. It's that attitude which makes illnesses like depression all the more devastating, because it is so commonplace (And was within the medical profession until scarily recently) and so damaging to the chances of recovery. The last thing a clinically depressed person needs to hear is that by virtue of being depressed they are doing something wrong, childish or weak.
Which, of course, is right, but not what I was saying. I did not tell him to get over his
depression (which is silly and impossible). I told him to kick himself to solve the
problem that causes his depression. That are two different things.
He
already knows the cause, which is a virtue that not everyone suffering from depression has.
sidious618 said:
This isn't "Oh, I feel blue today so I'm not going in to work."
It would be if it was "I'm feeling blue when I think of going to work and stay at home every day."
What would you tell such a person? I'd tell him to find out why he gets depressed from his work, and then do something about it.
Shran can't talk to women to save his life, and hates that, and he is depressed because of that. So he needs to do something about it. And I suggest the agressive jump into the cold water approach, since 4 years of counseling haven't helped. Talk to women, everywhere. Public places, bars, at work, in the subway, in libraries. Talk to hot women and ugly women. Flirt with them. Force yourself to do it. And find someone who kicks you in the butt to do it. He needs to stop whining about his
anxiety and
confront it, no matter how painful and horrible it is to live through that. And when he gets rejected, he needs to force himself to get up, not to hide in his bed.
Fight against that feeling, for his own sake.
And that's what I meant with the will to change. It's easy to whine about it. It's easy to just talk about it and feel sorry for yourself and just hope that some day a streak of light falls from the sky that makes everything better. But that won't do anything good. He needs to get up and start to really
fight against what he hates about himself.
Shran, ever looked into personal social skill trainers? The principle is the same as with personal fitness trainers. They coach you, they accompany you to public places and arrange meetings with random people you can talk to, and they help you while you're doing it. You train your social muscle so to speak. It will be ugly, and you need to force yourself to do it (I'm only repeating myself here it seems). I highly suggest that approach.
You guys seem to suggest he should just continue taking pills to lighten his mood. But what about his
actual problem? How would you say should he tackle his problem with talking to women even though he's horribly anxious? How should he tackle his problem with feeling horribly destroyed after being rejected? Just take pills and accept it? What kind of advice is that? That is only a way to mitigate the severity of the symptoms, but it's not a way to rectify the actual problem.
And it's not that I'm just lazy and don't want to get over it. I try to talk to attractive women every single day. The problem isn't that I'm not trying; the problem is that I can't simply "make myself do it."
Oh, I heard that so many times. From myself with my phobia, from my alcoholic uncle, and my friend who lost his leg. The point is that you in fact are not willing to do it. You think you are, and you whine about it, but you aren't. Otherwise you wouldn't find excuses.
Why is it so hard for you "to make yourself do it"? What are the reasons? List them up. And when you did that, find a way to solve each item on that list. And when you again find yourself saying "I simply can't do something about that item", you know that something is wrong with your motivation.
And dude, it's
your life. Noone else can change it for you but
YOU.
Well played, a compliment is a great way into anyone's good books.
So did my girlfriend. We hated each other in the beginnning and after knowing each other for four years we started to date. We had much in common and we were always physically attracted to each other.
