I've been doing the online dating thing for about a year now, with mixed results. That's partially my fault. I'm picky. Not so much about what a guy looks like, but how he connects with me on various levels (intellectually and emotionally being top priority). I won't even consider a relationship with a guy unless he's an intellectual equal and a relatively decent person with ambition and priorities that don't simply include me. To top that all off, there's got to be chemistry. Strong chemistry almost right off the bat. That's a tall order, I know. But this is why dating is difficult. It's got to be there on so many different levels. I'd rather be perpetually single than in a relationship with someone who I'm not happy with.
Anyway, my experiences over the past year, for what they're worth:
I've communicated with lots and lots of men. Went on a bunch of first dates and weeded out the "booty calls," the "just friends," and the "pseudo-stalkers." That left the potential relationship-worthy men for second dates. From there, a handful turned into "dating," which generally lasted about a month, but ultimately went nowhere (9 times in 10, it was me dealing the "we're better off as friends" blow, which trust me, sucks for the dealer as well). One guy I was dating regularly lost interest and stopped calling altogether. True mark of a tool -- someone who doesn't even have the balls to make a phone call and say, "Look, we've been going out for about a month, but I'm just not feeling it anymore." But he was the exception, not the rule.
I met one guy who ended being my boyfriend for a couple months. He was a great guy...quite fantastic, and on paper, everything I was looking for in a partner. But the passion died (for me) after several weeks. He had a hard time understanding why he still felt it and I didn't, and I can't say I blame him; I was at a loss myself. So I broke up with him. I feel bad about that, but again...it was only fair to be honest.
I've tried three different sites now. Yahoo Personals was where I had the best luck, I think. I met the guy who was my boyfriend as well as a couple of the month-long "dating" men on that site. Match.com has a LOT more people on it, but therein lies the hit-or-miss part. Because it's so popular, and because it's so easy to use, it's attractive to the types who simply want to use it for hooking up. I met a bunch of "booty call" types and the "date for a month, never call back" dude on Match. Still, I know it's possible to find great people on there, because I know plenty of friends who have. I probably just didn't give that site enough time. However, now I'm trying out eHarmony. It's definitely different from any of the other dating sites out there. The initial Q&A and the process of sending questions back and forth before being able to communicate openly with your matches will definitely frustrate the people just looking for an easy lay. You also cannot search for people on the site -- you only get to communicate (or deny communication with) the matches their system sets you up with. So, there's an appeal there for people who are serious about finding relationship/long term material.
Whatever the case, love happens for everyone when the time is right. Dating can be frustrating and discouraging. It certainly has been for me, and I'd like to think I'm pretty normal. Just hang in there and keep putting yourself out there.
. Im curious, what website(s) are you using?
