Funniest Lines/Moments

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Tuvok, too, can have nice lines. There's still some doubt in my mind whether he is serious or just has a wicked, undercooled sense of humor in the following scene (even though I know I'm 'supposed' to believe the first):

<State of Flux -- It has just been revealed that Seska is a Cardassian undercover agent and Chakotay asks Tuvok if he ever suspected anything when he was in the same Maquis crew: >

C: Can l ask you to be honest with me, Lieutenant?

T: As a Vulcan, l am at all times honest, Commander.

C: That's not exactly true. You lied to me when you passed yourself off as a Maquis to get on my crew.

T: l was honest to my own convictions within the defined parameters of my mission.

C:You damned Vulcans and your defined parameters. That's easy for you.

T:On the contrary, the demands on a Vulcan's character are extraordinarily difficult. Do not mistake composure for ease. How may l be honest with you today?

I remember one, from that episode where Chakotey falls in love with that woman from the species that remove memories, and then he don't remember her. There's a bit where he asks Tuvok if he can find a place for her to fit in the ship. He says something like:

"I believe mister Neelix can use one adjutant on the mess hall."

And Chakotey is like: "is that a joke?"

And Tuvok just make that look and says: "I don't think so."

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

Tuvok, too, can have nice lines. There's still some doubt in my mind whether he is serious or just has a wicked, undercooled sense of humor in the following scene (even though I know I'm 'supposed' to believe the first):

<State of Flux -- It has just been revealed that Seska is a Cardassian undercover agent and Chakotay asks Tuvok if he ever suspected anything when he was in the same Maquis crew: >

C: Can l ask you to be honest with me, Lieutenant?

T: As a Vulcan, l am at all times honest, Commander.

C: That's not exactly true. You lied to me when you passed yourself off as a Maquis to get on my crew.

T: l was honest to my own convictions within the defined parameters of my mission.

C:You damned Vulcans and your defined parameters. That's easy for you.

T:On the contrary, the demands on a Vulcan's character are extraordinarily difficult. Do not mistake composure for ease. How may l be honest with you today?

I remember one, from that episode where Chakotey falls in love with that woman from the species that remove memories, and then he don't remember her. There's a bit where he asks Tuvok if he can find a place for her to fit in the ship. He says something like:

"I believe mister Neelix can use one adjutant on the mess hall."

And Chakotey is like: "is that a joke?"

And Tuvok just make that look and says: "I don't think so."

Yes, he said that Neelix would need a good bodyguard to protect him from people angry about his bad cooking. (not in so many words, but that is what he meant

 

[JD5000]

Tuvok, in think it's 'Scientific Method' in response to Janeway's crackdown on the crew:

"Shall I flog them as well?"

The deadpan is great, he plays an excellent Vulcan IMO.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

Some second degree humor:

JAFFEN: All of them about my father and he couldn't understand why I wasn't insulted. Finally I just had to tell him. I'm Norvalen, I don't have a father!
(A dark man in a green leather outfit slaps the bar and laughs hysterically.)
JAFFEN: It wasn't that funny, Tuvok.
TUVOK: On the contrary. The man was ignorant of how your species procreates. His attempt to disparage you ultimately humiliated him. Irony is often a source of humour.
JAFFEN: Yes, well, when you explain it like that, it's not funny at all.
TUVOK: I also have some humorous anecdotes to share.
JAFFEN: I'll look forward to hearing them.

 

[JD5000]

I quote Tuvok and Jaffen when someone asks me to explain a joke. Love that exchange.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

Some Q humor:

(Janeway enters her quarters, and sees a bed covered in red satin sheets with heart-shaped pillows.)
JANEWAY: Janeway to security. Intruder alert.
Q: There's no need to call room service, Kathy. I've already ordered.
(He is wearing a red silk dressing gown.)
JANEWAY: Oh, Q.
Q: You did say you wanted champagne?
JANEWAY: Janeway to security. Intruder alert.
Q: Oh, it's no use. I've taken the proverbial phone off the hook. After all, we don't want any interruptions.
JANEWAY: What are you doing here?
Q: To us.
JANEWAY: There is no us, Q.
Q: The night is young, and the sheets are satin.
JANEWAY: I want you out. But first, get rid of this bed.
Q: I have no intention of getting between those Starfleet issue sheets. They give me a terrible rash.
JANEWAY: Since you won't be getting in the bed, I wouldn't worry about it.
Q: Oh, Kathy, don't be such a prude. Admit it. It has been a while.
JANEWAY: And it's going to be a while longer. Now get out.

 

[JanewayRulz!]

How could you stop there???

Q: Now I see. You think I'm interested in some tawdry one night stand. That's because I haven't told you why I'm here yet. Out of all the females of all the species in all the galaxies, I have chosen you to be the mother of MY child.
JANEWAY: Oh!

(Voyager credits roll )

Q: I know that you're probably asking yourself, why would a brilliant, handsome, dashingly omnipotent being like Q want to mate with a scrawny little bipedal specimen like me?
JANEWAY: Let me guess. No one else in the universe will have you.
Q: Nonsense. I could have chosen a Klingon Targ, the Romulan empress, a Cyrillian microbe.

(Janeway puts on a dressing gown. )

JANEWAY: Really? I beat out a single-celled organism? How flattering.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

How could you stop there???

Q: Now I see. You think I'm interested in some tawdry one night stand. That's because I haven't told you why I'm here yet. Out of all the females of all the species in all the galaxies, I have chosen you to be the mother of MY child.
JANEWAY: Oh!

(Voyager credits roll )

Q: I know that you're probably asking yourself, why would a brilliant, handsome, dashingly omnipotent being like Q want to mate with a scrawny little bipedal specimen like me?
JANEWAY: Let me guess. No one else in the universe will have you.
Q: Nonsense. I could have chosen a Klingon Targ, the Romulan empress, a Cyrillian microbe.

(Janeway puts on a dressing gown. )

JANEWAY: Really? I beat out a single-celled organism? How flattering.

True, but I had to stop somewhere.

Most of Q's lines were hysterical in that episode.

 

[JanewayRulz!]

You know... it wasn't just Q who had the best lines in that ep...

Q: It's an overwhelming honor, isn't it? I can't get you out of my mind. You're confident, passionate, beautiful.
JANEWAY: And totally uninterested.
Q: Kathy, you can't leave. My cosmic clock is ticking. Besides, you have no idea what you're missing. Foreplay with a Q can last for decades.
JANEWAY: Sorry, but I'm busy for the next sixty or seventy years.
Q: Oh, I see, this is one of those silly human rituals. You're playing hard to get.
JANEWAY: As far as you're concerned, Q, I'm impossible to get.

And later on the intercom with Chakotay...

JANEWAY: But I want to be notified immediately if he reappears anywhere on the ship or if anything odd starts to happen.
[Bridge]
CHAKOTAY: Acknowledged. What did he want?
[Janeway's quarters]
JANEWAY: Let's just say he had a personal request.

And much later, when "Miss Q" shows up in the ready room while Kathryn is canoodling with the puppy...


JANEWAY: I'm just not the right kind of woman for you, Q.
FEMALE Q: Truer words were never spoken.
(A tall, sarcastic redhead in Starfleet uniform.)
Q: Q! How did you find me?
FEMALE Q: Never mind that. What are you doing with that dog? I'm not talking about the puppy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dKT-ZALvKU

[yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dKT-ZALvKU[/yt]

Bedroom lines are not limited to this ep.

Season 2's "Deathwish"... Janeway has just ruled for the suicidal Q.

Q: May I see you in your chambers, Captain?
JANEWAY: You've been in my chambers enough for one visit, sir.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

But as I said we could quote the entire episode. There's plenty more lines, like when they are in the Q continuum for example.


I also liked the episode where he comes back with his son.

"Ichy!" "Q ball!"

 

[tcm121]

It's between The Doctor and Quark, but I'm pretty sure The Doctor wins as the Star Trek character that has made me laugh the most. Author, Author is such fun!

"This is outrageous!"
"What's outrageous is that I'm going to miss my tee time."

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

It's between The Doctor and Quark, but I'm pretty sure The Doctor wins as the Star Trek character that has made me laugh the most. Author, Author is such fun!

"This is outrageous!"
"What's outrageous is that I'm going to miss my tee time."

No argument there. I like them both.

 

[at Quark's]

It's between The Doctor and Quark, but I'm pretty sure The Doctor wins as the Star Trek character that has made me laugh the most. Author, Author is such fun!

"This is outrageous!"
"What's outrageous is that I'm going to miss my tee time."

No argument there. I like them both.

Almost a pity we never had a scene where these two were interacting. I'm curious who would have 'won'

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

It's between The Doctor and Quark, but I'm pretty sure The Doctor wins as the Star Trek character that has made me laugh the most. Author, Author is such fun!

"This is outrageous!"
"What's outrageous is that I'm going to miss my tee time."

No argument there. I like them both.

Almost a pity we never had a scene where these two were interacting. I'm curious who would have 'won'

Zimmerman was on DS9 once and the doctor only as a template for the Bashir hologram. But Zimmerman and Quark never said a word to each other.

 

[JanewayRulz!]

But as I said we could quote the entire episode. There's plenty more lines, like when they are in the Q continuum for example.


I also liked the episode where he comes back with his son.

"Ichy!" "Q ball!"

My fav from the return of Q junior is...

Q: Aunt Kathy!
Janeway: DON'T you 'Aunt Kathy' me!

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

But as I said we could quote the entire episode. There's plenty more lines, like when they are in the Q continuum for example.


I also liked the episode where he comes back with his son.

"Ichy!" "Q ball!"

My fav from the return of Q junior is...

Q: Aunt Kathy!
Janeway: DON'T you 'Aunt Kathy' me!

There's also his nickname for Icheb:
"The borg drone with a Kirk fixation."

 

[Catarina]

But as I said we could quote the entire episode. There's plenty more lines, like when they are in the Q continuum for example.


I also liked the episode where he comes back with his son.

"Ichy!" "Q ball!"

My fav from the return of Q junior is...

Q: Aunt Kathy!
Janeway: DON'T you 'Aunt Kathy' me!

ha! Ditto on the aunty kathy

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

I think it's too bad that Q's son and Icheb didn't keep in touch for at least one more episode, as a B-plot even.

 

[at Quark's]

Just rewatched future's end, pt. 1.

Being 'undercover' in Los Angeles, in 1996, Tuvok drily comments:

"We could've worn our Starfleet uniforms. I doubt if anyone would've noticed."

 

[JD5000]

My high school yearbook from 1996 backs up Tuvok's observation.