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Funniest Lines/Moments

The scene in waking moments where Janeway asks Tuvok about his nightmare (the one in which he forgot to dress himself and appears naked on the bridge and is laughed at by the entire senior staff). The entire scene is very funny, even though there is no particularly funny 'punchline'.

Quoting Jim Wright in his review of that episode:

In the turbolift, Janeway suggests Harry is dreaming about the same guy the rest of them did. She presses her old friend for details about his unsettling dream.

"Where exactly did you see the alien?" she asks. In this very turbolift, he says, not volunteering more. "What happened?" she says. "The alien simply stared at me as if scrutinizing my appearance." Janeway says the alien did the same to her.

"What did you do?" she asks. "I returned to my quarters," he says, refusing to look at her.

"Did the alien follow you?" she asks. "He did," he says, clearly making her earn every new revelation.

"And then?" she continues, suspecting whatever he's hiding has got to be good.

"He watched me," he parries.

"Doing what?" she thrusts.

"Getting dressed," he admits, nowhere left to go.

Janeway's eyes go wide. "Getting dressed?" she asks, curious.

Yes, he admits.

Pause.

"I don't suppose I should ask why you were undressed," Janeway says neutrally.

"I would prefer that you didn't."

It will take several minutes of screen time to wipe that smile from her face.
 
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The scene in waking moments where Janeway asks Tuvok about his nightmare (the one in which he forgot to dress himself and appears naked on the bridge and is laughed at by the entire senior staff). The entire scene is very funny, even though there is no particularly funny 'punchline'.

Quoting Jim Wright in his review of that episode:

In the turbolift, Janeway suggests Harry is dreaming about the same guy the rest of them did. She presses her old friend for details about his unsettling dream.

"Where exactly did you see the alien?" she asks. In this very turbolift, he says, not volunteering more. "What happened?" she says. "The alien simply stared at me as if scrutinizing my appearance." Janeway says the alien did the same to her.

"What did you do?" she asks. "I returned to my quarters," he says, refusing to look at her.

"Did the alien follow you?" she asks. "He did," he says, clearly making her earn every new revelation.

"And then?" she continues, suspecting whatever he's hiding has got to be good.

"He watched me," he parries.

"Doing what?" she thrusts.

"Getting dressed," he admits, nowhere left to go.

Janeway's eyes go wide. "Getting dressed?" she asks, curious.

Yes, he admits.

Pause.

"I don't suppose I should ask why you were undressed," Janeway says neutrally.

"I would prefer that you didn't."

It will take several minutes of screen time to wipe that smile from her face.

Reading Wright's reviews were a pleasure every week.

I think he loved Janeway even more than I did, if you can believe it! :p

Sometimes the "funniest lines" are caused by the funniest expressions on our dear Captain's face.

Season 1: The Cloud.


In Voyager's Kitchen


JANEWAY: Neelix. Do we have any coffee left?
NEELIX: No, but we have something even better.
JANEWAY: I don't want something even better. I want coffee. :klingon:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3j9429di02s#t=123
NEELIX: It's made from a proteinaceous seed I discovered on an expedition
JANEWAY: Never mind. I'll use one of my replicator rations for coffee.
NEELIX: That would not be appropriate, Captain.
JANEWAY: I beg your pardon? :mad:
NEELIX:
You need to set an example for the crew.
JANEWAY: Well, thank you for reminding me. :p
NEELIX: You're welcome. After all, if you want the crew to begin to accept natural food alternatives instead of further depleting our energy reserves, you need to encourage them by your own choices, don't you?
JANEWAY: Fine. Give me your even better than coffee substitute. :sigh:
NEELIX: And how about some Takar loggerhead eggs with that this morning?
JANEWAY: :rolleyes: Just coffee.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3j9429di02s#t=173
NEELIX: (Neelix pours the thick gloop into her cup.) It's a tiny bit richer blend than you're used to, but you'll learn to love it.

CHAKOTAY [OC]: Bridge to Janeway.

JANEWAY: On my way. Janeway out. (To Neelix) Tomorrow maybe.

(Janeway leaves her cup, so Neelix drinks it.)

[Bridge]

JANEWAY: Yes, Commander?
CHAKOTAY: There was no need for you to come to the bridge, Captain.
JANEWAY: Yes, there was. :guffaw:

Many of Janeway's coffee moments and facial expressions associated with same.

[yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j9429di02s[/yt]
 
EMH: I hope you're not going to kiss your baby with that mouth. :lol:

I know. I'm spamming the thread, but I saw Endgame tonight and laughed during this line. :-)
 
The scene in Demon when Chakotay is giving the Doctor no choice but to accept Neelix and his friends and he keeps saying: But... but...

I thought it was hilarious.
 
The scene in Displaced, where B'Lana and Tom are reconciling from a previous argument and the Doctor makes it ten times worse by giving unwanted psychological advice.
 
The end of season 2's Manuevers, the ep were Seska outwits Voyager to steal transporter technology, and Chakotay goes on a suicidal mission to destroy it on the Kazon ship. He surrenders to Seska once the task is done and is unsuccessfully tortured for it.

Janeway / Voyager eventually save him. The scene is the last of the ep, and takes place on the bridge. Voyager has just received a message from an automated beacon.

TUVOK: It is a message to Commander Chakotay from Seska.
JANEWAY: Would you like Mister Kim to put it through to your office?
CHAKOTAY: No. I think I've spent enough time alone with Seska. :p
 
The argument between the doctor and the holographic diva in The Swarm. Incidentally, those were probably the best lines in an otherwise mediocre episode.
 
The end of season 2's Manuevers, the ep were Seska outwits Voyager to steal transporter technology, and Chakotay goes on a suicidal mission to destroy it on the Kazon ship. He surrenders to Seska once the task is done and is unsuccessfully tortured for it.

Janeway / Voyager eventually save him. The scene is the last of the ep, and takes place on the bridge. Voyager has just received a message from an automated beacon.

TUVOK: It is a message to Commander Chakotay from Seska.
JANEWAY: Would you like Mister Kim to put it through to your office?
CHAKOTAY: No. I think I've spent enough time alone with Seska. :p

yeah and then the poor guy gets some humiliating news.
 
At the end of Future's End when Tom and Tuvok are arguing about which of them made a bigger ass of himself in Earth's past. (Tuvok using Vulcan logic to get out of a parking ticket...:lol:)
 
The Phage season 1

Sickbay

Neelix is restrained on a biobed because his lungs were stolen and he's using holographic ones.

Kes kisses Neelix and leaves. The EMH reaches across Neelix's head.)

EMH: Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you, I'm only adjusting the restraint.
NEELIX: I'll try to contain my disappointment.
 
The Killing Game, when the Doctor is encouraging the (holo) Klingons to attack the Hirogen and the Nazis. He seems bothered by a few drops of rain that fall on his head. I thought that was hysterical, the look on his face and all.


There's a piece of dialogue from that ep. also:


KLINGON: The battle has begun. Our plan is to penetrate the enemy's position, cut his forces in half.
NEELIX: And a very good plan it is. Best of luck with it.
KLINGON: You will lead us into battle, Great Warrior.
(He throws a bat'leth to Neelix.)
NEELIX: Maybe I'll just watch from here. Try to offer up some pointers as things develop.
KLINGON: Sto'Kar! Lead the attack or die here by my hand.
EMH: You heard him. Don't argue with the man, run along! I'll reattach any severed limbs. Just don't misplace them.
KLINGON: You! Cover our flank!
(He gives the EMH a d'k tahg dagger.)
KLINGON: Qapla'!
NEELIX: Qapla'.
EMH: Tally-ho.

:lol:
 
This may have been the same episode where these two things happen:

- the computer intoning "Last chance to be a hero, Doctor!"

- Janeway appearing to insist that the Doctor pat her on the ass, and he obliges
 
This may have been the same episode where these two things happen:

- the computer intoning "Last chance to be a hero, Doctor!"

- Janeway appearing to insist that the Doctor pat her on the ass, and he obliges

Indeed, it is Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy. One of the funniest, if not THE funniest Voyager episode.

"Over my dead hologram!!!":lol:
 
Kes kisses Neelix and leaves. The EMH reaches across Neelix's head.)

EMH: Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you, I'm only adjusting the restraint.
NEELIX: I'll try to contain my disappointment.


LOVE that scene! I haven't watched that episode in so long I forgot.

I don't watch them in order. I skip around to whatever jives :-)
 
From The Swarm:

ZIMMERMAN: You've filled your memory with nonsense.
EMH: It was only during my off hours.
ZIMMERMAN: You're supposed to be off during your off hours!


I just love that stuff!
 
This one, from "Parturition:

KES: Neelix and Tom Paris had a physical fight... over me.
THE DOCTOR: How delightful.
KES: Delightful?
THE DOCTOR: You should consider it a high compliment. Throughout history, men have fought over the love of a woman. Why, I can quote you autopsy reports from duels as far back as 1538.
KES: That's not funny.
THE DOCTOR: It's not meant to be. You've always been interested in autopsies.


From the same scene:
KES: On my homeworld it's so much simpler. You choose a mate for life. There's no distrust, no jealousy, no envy, no betrayal.
THE DOCTOR: Hmm. Your world must have very dry literature.

This one, from "Time And Again" is also funny:

KES: And the crew from another ship that was destroyed.
THE DOCTOR: Another crew. That's nice. This is the Emergency Medical Holographic system to Captain Janeway.
NEELIX: She's not on board. She's missing on the surface of a planet.
THE DOCTOR: Missing? The Captain is missing? It seems I've found myself on the Voyage of the Damned. Very well. Please advise the highest ranking officer who is not missing, to see me at his earliest convenience. You may shut off my programme now.
 
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