Facts About Captain Robau

[Cyke101]

...while having hot sex with multiple partners, drinking beer and doing his hair. Hail Robau!!

Hair? HAIR?!??

You must say ten Hail Robaus as punishment for that.

AVE CAPUT ROBAU MAXIMUS!

Being a Robau theologian (Robaulogian?), I'd speculate that his hair is impossible to understand in a mere four dimensions. At least to us humans and other humanoid corporeal beings. We want to see a magnificent dome of bald because we equate that with bad-ass, but that's only the start of it.

It's like how every alien race sees Galactus as a giant version of their own race (we see him as a giant human; Klingons would see a giant Klingon, etc. etc), when really it's just our primitive minds trying to comprehend something it really can't.

Like this, only with more Robau: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/37/Galactuspov.PNG

 

[barnaclelapse]

Robau doesn't need to play any games to receive tokens at Chuck-E-Cheese.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

When Robau cooks steak, cows volunteer to be slaughtered for the honor of being grilled and eaten by Robau.

They don't just volunteer. They throw themselves onto the grill.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau eats steak fries. Not potato-based. Literally made of strips of bloody, uncooked steak. And supersized to boot.

 

[Eleanor_zhDarjel]

...while having hot sex with multiple partners, drinking beer and doing his hair. Hail Robau!!

Hair? HAIR?!??

You must say ten Hail Robaus as punishment for that.

AVE CAPUT ROBAU MAXIMUS!

So he does his hair without having some. Big deal, Robau can do that you know!!

 

[barnaclelapse]

Robau will call Shawn Michaels out of retirement in due time.

 

[6079SmithW]

The Tamarian metaphor for "perfection" is: "Robau, His badassness complete."

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau is the reason the Gamma Quadrant will be so damn dangerous in coming centuries.

 

[6079SmithW]

If Robau were to enter V-world, everyone would instantly de-rez and the entire system would collapse because it wouldn't be able to handle that amount of badass all at once.

 

[stonester1]

No, the code simply isn't powerful enough to handle such a singularity of badessness. Robau would have to do a system rewrite himself for it to be able to handle the task.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau invented the Agent Smith program for the Matrix.

 

[stonester1]

True. The original Agent Smith program was created to be as virtually badass as Robau. But since it was just a simulation, of course it could never achieve that level of badessery. But even then, when he found out that there would need to be multiple copies of that program, as well as other Agents...he watered it down a whole lot more.

But still, Smith was that scary.

Badass.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau in dark glasses and wearing a suit.

UTTERLY, 110% Badass.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"You're captain now..."

(puts on sunglasses)

"...Mr. Kirk."

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau can make an ATM machine spit out 100-dollar bills simply by glaring at it.

 

[stonester1]

If he's feeling really funky, he'll have ATMs spit out bills valued at pi.

With pictures of Dolly Madison in the middle.

Get it?

Badass...

 

[Cyke101]

Robau can make $100 dollar bills spit out ATMs that spit out $100 dollar bills.

 

[Eleanor_zhDarjel]

Not that he needs money. People always want to give him everything for free.

 

[6079SmithW]

Number one threat to America? Bears. Number one threat to bears? Robau.

 

[Nick Ryder]

Robau is a card carrying member of EBBGAS - Every Brown Bear Gets a Sandwich - because he believes that bears should be well fed before he turns them into rugs for the Kelvin