Part of ancient Bajoran Prophecy of the coming of the Bald, Badass Ones...first, Robau...then, Sisko!
Facts About Captain Robau
- Thread starter Herkimer Jitty
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Part of ancient Bajoran Prophecy of the coming of the Bald, Badass Ones...first, Robau...then, Sisko!
Robau created the Prophets. They can't do anything unless Robau approves it first.
When they start publishing books about the USS Kelvin and Captain Robau it'll become bigger than Harry Potter or the Lord of the Rings! A New York Times best seller on a regular basis!
Robau will even be bigger than Twilight. Even with the tweens.
But everyone who reads it will suffer a psychological meltdown as they can't handle the extremity of the badassity and shear awesomeness of the novels. For those few who manage to retain their sanity, the books will simply burst into flames in their hands.
Yup, one read, that's all you get.
That's all you need. Because from that moment on, it will be burned into your brain.
That's all you need. Because from that moment on, it will be burned into your brain.
Robau is the rough beast slouching towards Bethlehem to be born. His coming will propel the human race into a new age of untold badassery.
As a reward for the gifts, Robau made those three wise men so powerful that they became known as the Trinity. Still, they don't even come close to being as powerful as Robau.
The Robau novels will pay homage to all the Treks panned by some others, such as Enterprise, which will have the Baddest Engineer, Trip Tucker, and Ultimate Badness himself team up...the resultant multiplicity of said badness will blow the lid off sales of the Kelvin novels, and launch a whole new generation of ST fans, who, by merely reading the books, will increase their badness level tenfold...
Robau will destroy those annoying Gillette advertisements.
Just like Chuck Norris.
And Jack Bauer.
And Dick Cheney (yeah--even if you hate his guts, ya gotta admit, he's a total bad-
. Just look at that slouch--and that awesome scowl o' his!).And The Terminator.
And...
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And Bill Adama...and The Sisko...
Someone mistakenly put a picture of Robau on a MOST WANTED bulletin board once...and the entire police squad there was so terrified of this image, assuming he was a perp, they swore that NEVER would any of them try to aprehend him.Smart people!
I hear half of them left the force.
The commissioner--one James Gordon--cleverly reversed the trend by putting Robau's face on another poster--emblazened with the slogan:
"I want YOU...to join the Gotham Police Force. Nearest recruiting station NOW--or else...."
He got The Awesome One's permission, of course.
"I want YOU...to join the Gotham Police Force. Nearest recruiting station NOW--or else...."
He got The Awesome One's permission, of course.
Robau is going to ensure I have some cigarettes before the day is through.
On Captain Robau Day, the children of the Kelvin must stand at attention perfectly still and not make a sound so as not to annoy Robau. If they succeed in this Robau rewards them at the end of the day with cake and a shuttle ride. The children will wish they never ate the cake after going through Robau's insane shuttle maneuvers.
This badass-nes prevents any puking. Thank the Robau of Kobol...
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