Facts About Captain Chris Pike

[Jptrekker]

All the creatures in the Talosians' zoo want to be Captain Pike.

 

[Gepard]

Correction: "Captain Richard Robau and Badassery: A Critical and Thematic Analysis of the Late Captain and His Awesome Badass Badassery by the even more badass Christopher Pike"

Further correction: "Captain Richard Robau and Badassery: A Critical and Thematic Analysis of the Late Captain and His Awesome Badass Badassery by the even more badass future Fleet Admiral Christopher Motherfucking Pike"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Ahem.

"The Badass Captain Richard Robau and Badassery: A Critical and Thematic Analysis of the Late Captain and His Awesome Badass Badassery by The Even More Badass Future Grand Moff Fleet Admiral Christopher Motherfucking Eyeball-Crunching Pike"

You forgot to capitalize critical parts of their names, people. Jeeze.

 

[Soar_Dude]

They propped him up in the shuttle bay and he scared the black hole into white quivering ball of plasma.

 

[Captain Pike]

I'm basking in the awesomeness of this thread..

 

[Aaron McGuire]

The Jellyfish crashing into the Narada didn't cause a black hole. Pike just looked out the window and said "Punch it."

Aaron McGuire

 

[Dick Whitman]

Serious post -

I don't see why the Enterprise had to be a new ship. It diminishes Pike's significance. He has no history. Cut out a line or two and The Cage could have still happened.

 

[Gepard]

Ahem.

"The Badass Captain Richard Robau and Badassery: A Critical and Thematic Analysis of the Late Captain and His Awesome Badass Badassery by The Even More Badass Future Grand Moff Fleet Admiral Christopher Motherfucking Eyeball-Crunching Pike"

You forgot to capitalize critical parts of their names, people. Jeeze.

Hold on. Memo coming through. The full title is:

"The Badass Captain Richard Goddamn Robau and Asskicking Badassery: A Bone-Crushing Critical and Thematic Floorwiping of the Late Captain and How He Kicked Down the Gates of Heaven and Put His Foot Up God's Ass With His His Awesome Badass Badassery by The Even More Badass Future Grand Moff Fleet Admiral Christopher Motherfucking Eyeball-Crunching Pike Who Eats Romulans For Breakfast. Literally."

 

[CommanderRaytas]

Ahem.

"The Badass Captain Richard Robau and Badassery: A Critical and Thematic Analysis of the Late Captain and His Awesome Badass Badassery by The Even More Badass Future Grand Moff Fleet Admiral Christopher Motherfucking Eyeball-Crunching Pike"

...whom the women want and who the men aspire to be. Like they ever could, poor bastards.

 

[Jptrekker]

Captain Christopher Pike: Badass in at least two timelines, kick ass in any other.

 

[CommanderRaytas]

Also, Captain Pike isn't as dumb as Robau. That's what you get for answering a Romulan's questions at all.

Badass with an academic degree, that's our Christopher Pike.

 

[Hartzilla2007]

Serious post -

I don't see why the Enterprise had to be a new ship. It diminishes Pike's significance. He has no history. Cut out a line or two and The Cage could have still happened.

Not Serious reply

There actually was an older Enterprise that Pike had for The Cage, but Pike's awesomeness caused it to implode so Starfleet built him an even badasser and newer ship and kept the name and registry so Pike wouldn't bitchslap them.

 

[CommanderRaytas]

^ Very nice.

Captain Pike is too cool for school.

 

[Hartzilla2007]

The only reason Pike is using that wheelchair is so he can get a better parking space at Starfleet headquaters.

 

[CommanderRaytas]

...which makes him cooler than House.

 

[Cky]

Pike let Nero put the beetle in to his brain. He wanted to wrestle to beetle to death with his brain.

 

[CommanderRaytas]

Captain Pike won't be fooled again.

 

[Jeri]

Captain Robau looked like a Pharoah; Captain Pike built the pyramids, with his own hands, in a day. Then he invented Egyptian beer and kicked back on his day of rest.

 

[Cky]

Captain Pike sat in a chair, and Starfleet proceeded to build the Enterprise around him. On a similar note, Captain Robau sat in a chair and the universe proceeded to create itself around him.

 

[CommanderRaytas]

Well, Pike doesn't need to tell people how badass he is- his actions speak for themselves. Go tell that to Robau, that drama queen.