ENT Caption Contest #89: Substitution

[LeadHead]

Hello Everyone, since Skywalker has become very busy, I thought I'd start a new contest as a one time thing. I'd love to take on more responsibilities, but I simply don't have the time.

That being said, lets get some winners!

First up to the plate, we have the "Baseball or Softball?" Award, going to:

Archer: I like her! She reminds me of a baseball I once knew.

Next, we have the "Mirror Universe" Award, goes to:

Hoshi: "You DARE speak to me without permission? Perhaps a few hours in the agonizer booth will cure your insolence!"

Trip: "Uh, wrong universe, Empress."

Hoshi: "Are you volunteering to join her, plebian?"

Next, we have the "Dangerous Liasons" Award, going to:

Phlox: "She broke two of your ribs, and sucked your testes completely dry."
Travis: "Wow! What a woman."
Phlox: "Makes me proud to be her husband."

Next, we have the "Hotel Piracy" Award, going to:

Let's see. I've got a robe, towels and ashtrays. The TV remote, light bulbs and Gideon bible. Tiny toothpastes and shampoos, soaps, cups and shower nozzle. Now what else isn't nailed down? I likes me some booty that say "Enterprise Motel!"

Next, we have the "Maybe it won't involve gazelles..." Award, going to:

Archer: I feel a dramatic speech coming on!
T'Pol: [thinking] No!!!! Ancient Gods of Vulcan, please strike me down!

Trip: So ladies... you two and me.... ya know why they call me Trip?

Congrats to the winners! Thanks to everyone who participated!

So, I got this contest going, but since Skywalker is unable to continue at present and I'm already very busy, it's time to hang this sign.

Since Skywalker has basically said if anyone can take over, they are welcome to. There's really no need to PM me about it. If you think it's appropriate, I'd PM Skywalker about it, it's just a common courtesy in my own humble opinion. Anyhoo, in the meantime while people mull this over, why don't we have a new contest?

Let's Go!

 

[LeadHead]

T'Pol: I really hope you're not gonna use that thing on me.

Malcolm: Isn't there an easier way to get past the lock on your door?

Archer: Hoshi, get that signal back quickly! There's only 2 outs left in the 9th inning!

Pop ups are worse in the 22nd Century.

Phlox: Nope, neither of you are pregnant.

Malcolm: We didn't ask.

 

[jespah]

Thanks for the win!

Sex toys have taken a rather interesting turn in the 22nd century.

Wow, we can see right into the girls' locker room!

Hoshi (thinking): He's gonna touch me with the hand he just used to express Porthos's glands.

I can't see you; I've got a probe in my eye.

Phlox: These matches say you're lying! Why, I think that's my best Frank Drebin impression yet.
Trip and Malcolm together: Don't quit your day job.

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead, and of course for stepping in with this contest to keep it a going concern!

I'd be willing to take a shot at running the contest. I don't have my heart set on it or anything, so if someone else wants to step in by all accounts please do.

I figure on PMing Skywalker about it in a week or so if I don't hear from anyone else interested.

Phlox: What? I have three wives, all with needs, and I'm not getting any younger.

Trip: You're sure we'll be able to see into T'Pol's shower?
Reed: Absolutely. One day, we'll invent an interactive computer program that will make all this spying unnecessary. Holograms maybe?
Trip: Ugh... it won't be me inventing it. Last time I was in a holographic simulation I ended up pregnant.
Reed: Sounds like a good program.

Hoshi: Xenolinguistics. You have no idea what that means.
Archer: The study of alien languages, morphology, phonology, syntax. It means you've got a talented tongue.
Hoshi: I'm impressed. For a moment there, I thought you were just a dumb hick who only has sex with farm animals.
Archer: Well, not only.

Archer: -giggles- I'll just edit in all these blocky 20th century knobs and levers on all these futuristic designs Daniels left here. Let's see... Constitution class...

Phlox: I'll require DNA samples gentleman.
Malcolm: Why?
Phlox: I will find out who keeps peeing on my ficus in Sickbay.
Trip: I'll be below deck in engineering securing the ah... something.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Phlox: "I told you: It's just a simple medical probe. Nothing to be afraid of."
T'Pol: "And I told you: Not until you tell me where it probes!"

Reed: "Ugh! That smell! Why can't these pipes ever break down in the latter part of the system! This stuff is all transformed into drinking water by that stage, you know."
Trip: "Dammit! I told you never to remind me of that!"

Hoshi: "Captain? Are you...are you brushing your hand against mine?"
Archer: "Oh! Sorry, Ensign. Just an accident."
...............
Hoshi: "You're still doing it!"

 

[Noname Given]

Archer: The description reads 23rd century neck massager...Yeah, right.

 

[Mario de Monti]

T´Pol: Doctor, are you aware you´re holding that upside down?

Malcolm: I am sick and tired of latrine duty!
Trip: Told the Cap´n it ain´t a good idea to leave spacedock without proper toilets.

Archer: Any progress?
Hoshi: Not in the past hour, Sir. Listen yourself:
Intercom voice: ... Thank you for calling AT&T. Please hold the line, your call is very important to us. Thank you for ...
Archer: -sighs-

Archer: Ok, so I put it in my shopping cart. Now where´s the damn checkout button?!?!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Phlox: "Why so apprehensive? It's just a simple medical exam."
T'Pol: "Maybe because you're wearing a full-body, splatter-proof biohazard suit? I don't know whether I should be terrified or just insulted."

 

[Triskelion]

T'Polly: What is that, Doctor?
Flocksy: A Ginsu ion torch.
T'Polly: What's it for?
Flocksy: Cutting through cans.

Reedy: It's bigger on the inside.
Trippy: That is so not what she said.

Archies: Tell it I want a happy meal.
Ho-shi: It doesn't work that way, Captain.
Archies: Hello! Happy-O Meal-O!
Klingon Bird of Prey: yuQjIjDIvI' petaQ.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PHLOX: This is a replica of the sort of tools we used to study humans when we first came to Earth in the 1940s.

TRIP: You drilled a hole in the ceiling of Archer's quarters?
MALCOLM: You wouldn't understand. You have a girlfriend.

ARCHER: My God. Look at these ratings!
HOSHI: I blame Voyager.

ARCHER: Enjoy it while it lasts. I've seen the future, and a hundred years from now, graphic displays won't be nearly this good.

PHLOX: I can't be seen with you on Denobula Trip. Your tongue is embarrassingly short.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Thanks for the win!

Phlox: Why is it no woman onboard looks forward to their annual OBGYN exam? Come to think of it, the men don't seem to like their prostate check either.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TRIP: Sorry, Cap'n. One Phlox's critters got loose. Turns out, it has acid for blood!

T'POL: Why do you insist on carrying around that brick? We have communicators you can put in your pocket these days!

 

[Finn]

Archer: ..and what's this? The D? An Android second officer. A Klingon at Weapons. A Bastard boy at the helm?

T'Pol: it appears to be in the 24th Century

Archer: ...How awful! How can we ensure this does not happen. I mean...a starship with a huge head..Really?

 

[Triskelion]

Teeps: Is that the...?
Creeps: The Flowbee 9000? It is. Are you sure you want to go through with this?
Teeps: Look at me, Doctor.
Creeps: Setting Flowbee on kill.

 

[REDrake]

T'Pol: I had no idea you are also a proctologist.

Malcom: What are we doing here, really. It's not like we ran out of places to play hide&seek with T'Pol.
Trip: No, but remember, the last time we hid in cargobay a we tripped over that marsupial droppings.

Archer: There! You see that? We're getting the Blue Screen of Death again. I told you not to install Windows 27 on our computer.
Hoshi: I'm sorry captain, it's the best we could find in such a short notice. The Vulcans are blocking our torrents again.

Archer: Now I heard Borgs are supposed to have mechanical parts, but this is just pathetic. How are they supposed to impress any lady with that?

Phlox: I'm sorry commander but I still don't understand the human physiology. Are you saying that even though you're a male, deep inside you feel like a woman?

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Dammit! I was just spoiled on the ending of Game of Thrones! I was going to marathon that!

 

[Nebusj]

``And the best part of this suit, Subcommander, is that while wearing it I make my own gravy.''

``See? Right down there. It's the Trek Movies I-X forum.''
``Hi, other caption thread!''

``Captain, would you please stop kneeling to pray on my desk?''

``Man, pepper grinders are complicated this century!''

``You know, in the future everyone will have light-up USB sticks like mine.''

 

[Jonas Grumby]

T'Pol: "If that outfit came with a mask and a ball gag, I'm outta here!"

 

[R. Star]

Figure on starting a new contest this weekend, unless anyone else has their heart on running this one.

 

[LeadHead]

Go for it!