ENT Caption Competition #95: Broken Bow'n

[Nebusj]

Hi, all. So the Caption Competitions had gone fallow, with previous host Bry_Sinclair no longer able to supervise them, and volunteer replacement Captain Kathryn not having the chance to resume postings. So with the permission of Captain Kathryn I should like to restart the group's fine heritage of pointing and laughing at stills from the show. I hope that a moderator will be good enough to pin this thread through to next Wednesday, when, if all goes well, I'll have the next one posted.

That said, winners do need to be declared for Caption Competition #94, ``Intense Looks All Around'', so I'm going to take it on myself to give out awards for that.

First, winning a prestigious Oh, Were We Really Still Doing 'It's Right Behind Me' Jokes In 2013? award is ... me!

``T'Pol, that stupid ice moon of ConnLot VI is the most worthless, hideous, horrible, unbearable ... it's on the monitor behind me, isn't it?''

Next, taking the Charles Schulz Memorial Seasonal Depression prize is ... me!

``I don't know what's wrong with me, Linus. Christmastime is here but I'm not happy.''

Third, from the Department of Complaints About Sexism That Are Themselves Kinda Sexist the winner is ... me!

``Do go ahead and speak of me as `N'Pol of Vulcan' again.''

And finally winning the Anthony Montgomery Prize for Remembering The Existence of Anthony Montgomery is ... me!

``Yes, T'Pol, famous people do have entourages, but you need them to be more memorable people than ... uh ... I'm gonna say `Trevor' ... here.''

With that frankly brilliant sweep of the old awards I'll retire from active competition until someone else takes over the Caption Competition.

And now, for this week, we get the captioning tradition back under way by returning to the first season, first episode, and see what this inspires. Good luck and do play fair, all.

Enjoy!

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: What's a Green Lantern and who made them the space cops?

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'POL: What the..? Weatherman said sunny and clear!!!!

 

[Rat Boy]

Thunderbirds are go!

Archer: "Yeah, they totally let me on the base just because of the hat. Didn't bother asking for my ID or anything."

Mayweather: "You know, crashing into every wall's not helping me to meditate!"

T'Pol: "Fascinating. Thunder snow."

Archer: "That explains the weather guy running around and screaming his head off."

Phlox: "Now, just a little tug and...hmmmm. Let me try again. Weird, it still won't come off. Wait here while I get my blowtorch."

T'Pol: "Isn't this a little overkill?"

Archer: "Haven't you heard that overkill's the best kind of kill?"

Silik: "Silly human! I don't have bones, just bladders I can fill and unfill with gas."

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: We really need to rethink the whole "We are from Earth. We come in peace." thing.

 

[joededman]

First episode of a new show, the FX folks weren't quite up to speed yet. Said they wanted to leave themselves a little room to show improvement.

T'Pol: Evidently a humans promise to wait while you use the facilities is worthless.

Archer: Did you see that? There were thirteen of them. That's bad luck. Hopefully for them and not us.
T'Pol thinking: Superstitious on top of all the rest of their faults. How 'quaint'.

 

[Skywalker]

"Perhaps we should have tested the targeting computer before declaring the Death Star fully operational."

 

[Avro Arrow]

Figure #1: I'm not sure I can pull this role off.

Figure #2: Don't worry, you're still less wooden than Robert Beltran!

 

[Ithekro]

T'Pol: Romulans?

Archer: No I think it is a cloaked Imperial Star Destroyer. That would explain why they are missing us so baddly, while still looking intimidating.

On this day, Eagle 1 encountered a starship from Earth. Moonbase Alpha might finally be saved.

Archer: Um, Because I'm the Captain.

Travis: Your Chi is weak, Commander.

More power! Its pulling us in!

Not all of Vulcan was a desert. Some of it was a Dessert!

Archer: Are you sure you are a Doctor?

Predender: I am today.

 

[jespah]

T'Pol: "We appear to have gone back in time, to Boston, during the winter of 2014 - 2015. Captain, I'm going out to look for the Boston Yeti now. Because, science!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

TRIP: How long have you been sitting there, watching me sleep? Wait...don't answer that.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Ah, doctor, that's supposed to go on the viewers heads."

 

[Dexter Remmick]

Trip: I can't believe your 6th grade teacher gave you a B on this Cap.
Archer: I know right!? Apparently it wasn't an accurate representation of the Phoenix's first flight. Vulcan's, am I right?

Archer: I'm only going to say this once Trip, so listen closely. It was Porthos. It's always Porthos. Are we clear?
Trip: Keep your shirt on Cap, I've known your cover story for years.

Travis: How'd we get up here? Phlox. The bastard drugged us with one of his 'pets' in sick bay. Woke up here.
Got anything on you that counteracts super glue?

Phlox os: Dibs! She'll make a wonderful wife number 4.

T'Pol: Thoughts - Go to Earth they said. Sow your wild oats they said. Now look at me. At least it doesn't smell of dog down here.

Archer: Is that really necessary? And hey, have you seen Trip or Mayweather lately?

T'Pol: I think it was a mistake to promote Reed to tactical.
Archer: You know, you might be right. I just asked him to change the beam color of the Phase Cannons.

Archer: On the other hand, Reed does have his moments. The new security protocols he put on the Phase Pistols seem to be working quite well.

 

[Ithekro]

"Rosebud"

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Didn't even get past Mars before the engines gave out.

MAYWEATHER: Good thing that Vulcan ship was nearby to give us a tow,eh?

ARCHER: Shut up, Travis.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Archer: Like my hat? Bet you wish you had a hat like this, don't you? Well, you can't. They're very special, and they ONLY give them to captains!

Tucker: Uh, cap'n, hate to break it to you, but I already ordered ten of those from Anovos...

T'Pol: WHAT. THE SERIOUS. F***!
Archer (in shuttlepod): What?
T'Pol: This... stuff! From the sky! What the f*** is it?!
Archer: Um, the snow?
T'Pol: What?!
Archer: You know, water vapor that freezes in the air, then falls as ice crystals.
T'Pol: You know I'm from a *desert* planet, right? This is some seriously f***ed up shit, right here!

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'POL: Crap, some idiot human blew up a Sycorax ship!

 

[Rat Boy]

T'Pol: "We've arrived at the Rick James concert, Captain."