Contest: ENTER ENT Caption Competition #117: Dessert Crossing

[Nebusj]

So as I was saying before I went missing for the summer, ``Boy, it's nice to think I'll be settling back into a normal routine without my laptop spontaneously dying over the course of twenty minutes and then my going into a whirlwind of week-plus trips spaced by barely enough time to get back home and do my laundry, followed by our new pet rabbit getting a urinary tract infection that's caused him to learn that I can too give him an injection of sulfa orally even if he's getting all bitey and resistant!'' Well, you know what they say about the plans of a human. Our pet rabbit is doing much better now. Also on one of those trips I won second place in the Pinburgh competitive-pinball contest, in the lowest division. Great, exciting time.

But now what you've been waiting for since before you gave up on waiting for me! The last contest's winners!



Winning the ``Why I'm Not Welcome On Conference Calls With Clients Anymore'' medallion:

Archer: (thinking) "Don't look. Don't look. I'm going to burst out laughing any second now..."
Vulcan: (thinking) "You do know some of us can read minds, too, don't you?"
Archer: (thinking) "I do now."

Earning extra credit for the Mathematics of Medical Scanning Device course we took in 1997:

Archer: Report, Doctor.

Phlox: According to my scans, the Ambassador has 36 LED lights attached to her body.

Reminding us Who's Crazy 'Bout A Sharp-Dressed Man this week:

Tucker always knew how to turn Archer's head, whether it was in his Hawaiian shirt or mankini.

Winning a special showing at the Starlite Theater of 'The Secret Life Of Pets' we have:

Archer: "When did you get a tattoo?"

Winning possibly every Photoshop award, ever:

Taking home the Silver Medal with Oak Leaf Cluster for 'ALL RIGHT YOU FREAKS WANT WEEK-TO-WEEK CONTINUITY RICK AND I WILL GIVE YOU YOUR FREAKING WEEK-TO-WEEK CONTINUITY' Brannon Braga freakout:

Vulcan Captain: Captain Archer, turn your weapons over to the Mazarites immediately.

Archer: No, no! You're supposed to be on OUR side this episode!

Our reminder that holidays are, ultimately, a state of mind:

Archer: Trip, you're chief engineer. A visit to the bridge is hardly a vacation.

The Live And Learn Lesson, Part Two:

ARCHER: That's the goofiest Vulcan I've ever seen. What his name? "D'Ork"?
VULCAN: You do realize this is a two way transmission?
ARCHER: I do now.

And our pet rabbit wanted to let you know, he'll help (he's a wee bit upset yet):

Porthos: Let go of me or I'll make this whole ship smell like dog urine.

Winning the Belly Laugh Of The Week, possibly forever:

EDIT: @Nebusj : when does this contest end?

And if I failed to include you in the thread here, it isn't because you were unfunny or not worthy of inclusion; I simply can't include all the captions people submit, for some reason. Thank you all for giving them nevertheless.

Since I'm sure that no weird catastrophes or overloaded schedules are going to happen anytime soon, let's start up the next Caption Competition. This one is an episode for which looking over the screencaps brought to mind: absolutely nothing. I cannot swear that this episode actually existed and is not some elaborate hoax played by the pranksters at TrekCore. Riff at your own risk, all.

Yeah, this all ... look, these screen caps are total fakes. I don't know who did them, but I credit them for really nailing the look of the show even if nothing like any of this ever happened. Well. Carry on, then. Thanks to each of you. Caption This contests are your creation. Certainly I'm bringing nothing of note to them. Good luck!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

A bunch of wins!

That moment when your dad finally gets back from work in time to see you play.

Screamer: "You're not taking us ALIVE!"
Other guy: "Get off my leg, you idiot, that's the rescue party!"
Guy in the the ship above: "Remind me again; just how long have you fellas been stranded here?"

 

[Hutchy01]

This is no TIME to run AMOK.

 

[Ithekro]

Would you come to our planet if I told you we had a Chili Night?

Chili Night!?

Chili Night!

CHILI NIGHT!!!!!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the wins!

Captain's Starlog: Archer still thinks he runs this ship. Subcommander T'Pol and I have come to an agreement. She keeps the facade that Archer is in command going and I leave dog hair in engineering, bothering Commander Tucker.

Kobral: I am easily offended.

Archer: So are Mass Effect fans. Thanks for Andromeda.

Archer: The service here is great. Usually I have to ask Trip to get us seconds.

Trip: "Ask," Sir?

Archer: Ask, order, threaten, what's the difference?

Sportscaster: And now we see #26 about to slip on his own shoelaces and cost his team the game.

Archer: Trip, I swear if you say "This is Sparta!" just one more time...

It's a fixer-upper, still going for $1.2 million with expected bids over the asking price.

Trip: Tell me again why we didn't just go back to the shuttlepod after the bombing stopped?

Archer: The plot hole monster probably got it by now.

T'Pol: (over comm) Captain Porthos sends his regards.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Let me guess. You lost a bet or drunken night in college.
KORBRAL: It's cultural
ARCHER: That was going to be my third choice.

 

[LeadHead]

Clancy Brown: They blew the budget for this episode on the location filming, this was all they could afford to make me look like an alien.

 

[Willow]

KORBRAL: If Captain of a starship doesn't work out, I have a job for you as a fry cook.

 

[Finn]

Trip: I wonder if this would take off back home?

Archer: That's crazy talk. There's no way water polo is going anywhere for the next 500 years....

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Archer: "Your strap's a little tight. Let me adjust it for you!"
Trip: "OW! Taking this friendly rivalry into decidedly unfriendly territory, wouldn't you say, sir?"
Archer: "You and Reed need to stop spending so much time hanging out with each other. The old Trip would have just screamed like a baby and left it at that."

(I'm just guessing - never actually seen an episode, though I have read transcripts to add to Memory Alpha pages)

 

[Hutchy01]

Rule 34. No exceptions.

 

[Catarina]

Archer: Fresh from the Academy? Someone sharpie oulined Vulcan anatomy on your chin.

 

[Catarina]

Trip: I wonder if this would take off back home?

Archer: That's crazy talk. There's no way water polo is going anywhere for the next 500 years....

[voice OC] yet Snapchat has...say cheese!

 

[Catarina]

A bunch of wins!

That's because you're funny.

 

[cooleddie74]

Archer: "How the hell did you manage to get a splinter down there? There isn't even any wood in this desert!!!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"You Earth people fascinate me, Captain. You and your crew have been here for an entire day and have yet to call me 'Scrotum Chin.' Your restraint is admirable. I'd like to get to know you better."

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Archer: "How the hell did you manage to get a splinter down there? There isn't even any wood in this desert!!!"

Trip: "Speak for yourself, cap'n."

 

[cooleddie74]

"I know you couldn't wait, Trip, but...can you aim away from my shoes?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

GUY IN THE BACK: Should we tell them it's just Jai alai.
OTHER GUY IN THE BACK: Nah, let them think it's an exotic alien sport.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"See, Trip, here's your problem. Somebody's replaced your field rations with Folger's Crystals."

Clancy Brown: The makeup artist's 5-year-old niece decided to get cute. Well we'll see who's laughing when I put Starship Troopers on her iPad.