DS9 Caption Contest #53: Nog: Sisko's Apprentice

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, thanks for getting into our annual April fools journey through Hyperspace. Let's get things back to normal...

First up to the plate, we have the "Psi Corp Achievement Award" going to:

In Mother Russia, Star Trek watches you!

Next, we have the "This argument went on for 6 hours" Award, going to:

G'Kar: "I say we're the last, best hope for peace, you bastard!"
Londo: "The hell we are! We're the best, last hope for peace!"
G'Kar: "Madness! Last, best hope!"
Londo: "Best, last hope!"
G'Kar: "I'll kill you!"
Londo: "Let me at him!"

Next, we have the "We live for the One, we plagiarize for the One" Award, going to:

Ivanova: "The Ranger motto is basically stolen from The Lord of the Rings, isn't it?"

Marcus: "...damn".

Next, we have the "Boys Night Out of Universe" Award, going to:

Sinclair: "Are you sure this is worth risking an inter-universe jump?"
Sheridan: "Oh, trust me! It'll be worth it!"
Marcus: "What did you say they called them again? 'Dabo girls'?"

Next, we have the "Never underestimate the Vorlons" Award, going to:

"It's a text from Kosh. It says "Stink Bomb, LOL". I knew it! I knew that guy was trolling us all this time! Cryptic wisdom, my arse!"

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

GARIBALDI: Okay, in what universe is that Bester as kid?

.

Sinclair: I am the one who was.
Sheridan: I am the one who will be.
Marcus: Yeah, and Benjamin Sisko could kick both your asses!
*both turn around to stare at him*
Marcus: What? We're in the DS9 forum, aren't we?

Thanks to everyone who posted and congratulations to our winners! Now, lets get back to our journey through the characters of DS9. DS9's Favorite Young Criminal/Starfleet Hopeful/Cadet/Ensign!

 

[LeadHead]

Jadzia: Heeeeere's JADZIA!

Sisko: You and Jake killed someone?!

Nog: It was an accident! I swear!

Sisko: I've got to get you off the station until the heat dies down. Hope you like uniforms, you're going to Starfleet Academy.

Worf: .... And that day, I killed 10 Ferengi with a small blade.

Martok: A Bat'leth is extremely useful on the more sensitive parts of their ears...

Nog: Why did I volunteer to work with you two?!

Nog: Just think about it Chief, if you send Keiko and the kids to Earth for 2 seasons, you can go to the Holosuites any time you want...

Kira: Is this really turning into Galaxyquest where only Nog can talk to the computer?

Computer: Still not listening to you...

 

[T'Girl]

Sisko: "I don't care what the series bible says, I want money, and I want it now!

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Thanks for the win!

Nog: And then I said to Harry Kim, "You've been an Ensign for how long? Well, 2 bars of latinum says I still get promoted before you do!"

Sisko: Damn it, why are you getting more screen time than my son? Your name isn't even in the opening credits!

Nog: I'm sorry, but it seems people are getting a little annoyed with Jake...

Sisko: But why? He's not Welsey! He's the anti-Wesley!

Nog: So two Klingons walk into a bar ...

*both Worf and Martok glare at him*

Nog: What? Don't tell me you've heard this joke already ...

Nog: Hey chief, guess which one of us is going to be giving you orders some day?

Jadzia: Still trying to lose that pregnancy weight, huh Kira?
Kira: Why you - !
Nog: *thinking* Oh boy ... catfight!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

"Michael Dorn": "Wow! Three actors on the same show, all three in the Federal Witness Protection Program! What are the odds!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

DAX: What did you call this drink again?

NOG: A "Long Island Ice Tea".

DAX: I love it! Its great!!!!

KIRA: I know!!!!!!

NOG ( thinking ): One more round and ol' Nog will be living his dream.

JAKE: I don't know about this.

NOG: Relax, he has two kidneys. He'll never miss it.

 

[Rush Limborg]

BTW, thanks for the win, two threads ago!

(Sadly...I haven't watched enough of B5 to know the characters....)

Nog: Chief--listen to this! I'm gonna make an offer you can't refuse....

O'Brien: (thinking) Oh, crap....

Sisko: Mr. Nog...listen good. I'm going to make an offer...that you can't refuse....

Nog: (thinking) Oh, crap....

 

[Rush Limborg]

Nog: Aw geez...for crying out loud, you're BOTH pretty tall!

Martok: Indeed! But which of us is TALLER?

Worf: Me.

Martok: petaQ! Your hair is airy, and adds to your apparent height.

Worf: Only in TNG.

Kira: Hey...does this make me look fa--

Nog: You...are pregnant. For goodness sake--what did you expect?

Jadzia: For once, I am staying out of this....

 

[Gil T.Azell]

(There's a 2 Girls one cup joke here but I'm not going there)

DAX: "Hah Your ass is mine Bitch!"

NOG: "Come on Chief its a good deal, I know of a good shop on Bajor if it's insured. "

O'Brien: "Bloody Hell,... "

 

[Nerys Myk]

JAKE: Trust me Nog, kiss on the cheek is a common way of expressing affection in humans.

 

[Gary7]

Nog: So two Klingons walk into a bar ...

*both Worf and Martok glare at him*

Nog: What? Don't tell me you've heard this joke already ...

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Thanks for the wins!

Nog: "I was looking over that Earth history material you sent me in preparation for the academy, and, well, it looks like you're Gabriel Bell".

Sisko: "What have I told you about being smarter than the admiralty, Nog? Let me tell you again, because it doesn't seem to sink in. If they can't recognise world-famous historical figures standing right under their nose, you don't tell them. If they're clearly up to no good and are acting shiftier than Odo at a contortionist party, you don't question it, and you act shocked when they turn out evil. If they leave Earth undefended so that Enterprise can be the only ship in the sector, you say "good plan, sir" -- without sarcasm. You keep being Mr. Sensible Pants and you'll wash out before you've made it past second year!".

 

[Gary7]

Worf: "It is true. Human males lose their reproductive prowess if they are submerged in cold water for any length of time."
Martok: "Bah! No wonder why they become so cowardly with old age! It's their frequent showering that adds up over time."
Nog: "Whoa..."

Nog: "And wait, it get's better. So after Worf beats O'Brien in the swimming pool competition, they both get out of the pool. Worf looks down at O'Brien's crotch and asks him if he lost something in the water."
Dax: "No way!"
Nog: "And O'Brien shouts at him 'it's just shrinkage!' Then Worf looks at him all confused and says 'It shrinks? If that is the case, it is a wonder why you humans dare to swim.'"

** Dax and Kira burst with laughter **

Nog: "So, Chief, tell us about this amazing ability you humans have."
Jake: "Oh no, here it comes..."
O'Brien: "What's that?"
Nog: "How human males suffer shrinkage in cold water?"

Sisko: "What gives you the right to go around spreading rumors that us human males have shrinking genitalia!"
Nog: "Rumors? But it's true, isn't it?"

After Nog's episode of spreading unflattering rumors, he is made a lackey to Kira and Dax.

Dax: "Nog, I'm seeing a minor pressure fluctuation in the central waste disposal unit. I think you need to go down there are do a full overhaul."
Nog: "But this is the 3rd time you've had me do it this week!"
Kira: "Nog, you wouldn't want to follow that up with an alignment of every power conduit on the station, would you?"
Nog: "OK, ok--I'll get right on it!" *moan*

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Worf: "I present myself for discipline, General".

Martok: "What is the offense?"

Worf: "I strung Quark up by his ears after he put laxatives in my prune juice. Where he got them, I don't know".

Nog: "I'll...make myself scarce".

Have you ever danced with the destitute, in the pale moonlight?

O'Brien (scanning manifest): "What the hell is Nognog?"

Nog: "It's an exciting new egg-based beverage, bottled here on DS9 and distributed to several key markets in the Gamma Quadrant!"

O'Brien: "What sort of eggs?"

Nog: "Bajoran! I knew that localized meme would come in handy one of these contests!"

 

[inflatabledalek]

Nog: I love you.

Dax and Kira: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHa.


Ha.

Sisko: So she was leaning over you like this and you said...

Nog: "I love you".

Sisko: Say it again like you mean it.

Worf: Have you seen Nog anywhere?

Nog: What are you doing Sir?

O'Brien: Setting up a complex sensor deception so I can sneak off the station. There's another low budget Irish film that needs me. The things I do so as not to look like I've sold out to Hollywood...

Dax: According to this DS9 has so many recurring characters that Leadhead will have to run the contest until July 2067 to get through all of them.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRA: Um, I heard it when you said " look busy, here comes Kira!"

 

[Bob Karo]

Worf: ... and then the little troll ran away squealing like a frightened Targ whelp. Nog's right behind me, isn't he?

Martok: No.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: So who ever tosses the Ferengi farthest wins?

NOG: Wait....what???

 

[Gary7]

Worf: "He did say that he could beat you arm wrestling, without breaking a sweat."
Martok: "He did, did he?"
Nog: "No! No, I didn't, honest!"
Worf: "Did you hear something?"
Martok: "No, can't say that I did."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Nog: "I told Cmd. Eddington the Leafs won the cup from 2015-2025, and he believed it"

Dax, Kira & Nog:"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHa."