DS9 Caption Contest 117: If You're Going to San Francisco

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back everyone -- it's time for a new caption contest, this one tipping the hat to what is, in the 24th century, the center of the universe: San Francisco, where Trek characters never fail to go.

But first, the winners in getting there:

​

Dukat: "How much longer?
Sisko: "Three minute to the landing pad."
Dukat: "How long to transporter range?
Sisko: "Two and half."
Dukat: "Damn Starfleet for not equip their ships with toilets."
Sisko: "Preaching to the choir Dukat."

Nog: "Is that...?"
Jake: "...Pakled porn?"
Nog: "CHANGE THE CHANNEL!"
Jake: "I'm trying, I'm trying!"

[
First Ol'senik: Founder? What are you doing?
Founder: What does it look like I'm doing?
First: But... but you are a God!
Founder: And that means I can do whatever I please whenever I please, understood?
First: Yes, Founder! My apologies.

DAX: How fast are we going? I'm feeling a bit salamanderish.

Riker: I'm sorry, Major, I'm just not a fan of the Defiant.
Kira: Why not? We've got Ablative Hull Armor, Quantum Torpedoes, Upgraded Phaser Cannons-
Riker: Bunk Beds.
Kira: Fair enough.

The Changeling award:​

SISKO: I told you we should have left earlier.

Finally, and because I was practically asking for it:

Sisko: Dukat, I hear one word of that scene from The Blues Brothers and I'm airlocking your ass.

And now, for the Summer of Love -- in space!

Good luck!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Again with the bridge. Hollywood has run out of ideas.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Bashir: I'm confused. They told me that men can't marry men and there has never been a black president.
Sisko: Damn! Instead of being in a thoughtful social commentary about the present, we're stuck in another goofy mirror universe episode.

Martok: Now I have an excuse to double rents on my tenants.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: It's true, sir. Definitely bigger on the inside.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

TOUR GUIDE: And this structure in the distance is the Golden Gate Bridge, a relic of a time that the human race was so pathetic and ignorant we actually built vehicles that roll along the ground to get where you want to go.
CLARE RAYMOND: HEY! Why is everyone here such a dick?

JAKE: I doubt this whole thing was engineered by Lleyton. After all, no human has done anything wrong for over 200 years. That's what they taught us in school.

LLEYTON: To military coups!
SISKO: Yes. To military...whaaaa?!

BASHIR: So when were these sanctuary districts established?
SISKO: 2015. After the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage, society crumbled. There was looting, rioting. It was the only way to contain the chaos that ensued after the final destruction of the American family.
BASHIR: Really?
SISKO: No. But that was the argument they made in Congress to justify this bullshit.

O'BRIEN: Hello good sir, what year is it?
O'NEALL: Why it's 1969! And I'm just a normal citizen, living in the year 1969, trying to get to Washington to get back to 1999....err, I mean, get to Woodstock!
O'BRIEN: Umm, me too, I'm a normal citizen of 1969, trying to find my Starbase commander. Err, I mean trying to watch the moon landing!
O'NEALL: Good. So we're both Earth citizens living in 1969.

GOWRON: I win! I destroyed San Fransisco!
SISKO: Okay, you beat me this time. But next time I play the Klingon side.
GOWRON: You've got to get me a copy of Call of Duty 2260.

 

[Ithekro]

By the 24th century, the Internet had become larger. Here we see just one connection section of the series of large tubes of the Federation Internet.

Jake: You should know the law, Dad. Since the 21st century it was put forth that, "You might as well be stoned if you want to go to San Francisco".

Ben: I know all that, but direct hypospray takes some of joy out of it.

Foxworth: To Babylon 5.

Bashir: I think this isn't San Francisco, sir.

Sisko: What makes you say that?

Bashir: They got a TARDIS back there and looked at me funny when I said I was the doctor. I think they are going to arrest me for temporal interference and you as my human companion.

Sisko: Fine with me, I was bored with all this time travel anyway.

O'Brien: Nice hat.

Man: Whoa dude, nice Trekkie pin. Spock's alright.

O'Brien: Sure. Sure is.

Man: Don't be a Herbert, man.

Kira: No. No Herbertmen here.

Sisko: We really need to resize these movies. Just look at how big this screen is, yet we can't even get 4K out of Starfleet.

 

[Triskelion]

Admiral Leyton: These bushes are looking a little shaggy. Tell Boothby to get his ass over here with a pair of hedge clippers.

Female Goldshirt: Subject was approximately 112 degrees at time of autopsy, indicating an increase in body temperature. Examiner tried to verify this rectally only to find the subject was without rectum, which is, needless to say, really - weird.
Male Goldshirt: This is called a neuralizer. It's a gift from friends from out of town.
Jake: I make this look good.
Sisko: I'm gettin' too old for this shit.

Leyton: Check it out. Ninety nine cents at the flea market.

Bashir: I've done some research and have learned the key things to remember about this period. Let's see...Soylent Green is people...We have nowhere to go, we cannot survive outside the city shell...we can get our choice of vacation: Medieval World, Roman world, and of course, West World...and they did it to themselves, damn them, damn them to hell.
Sisko: Should we be on the lookout for giant radioactive prehistoric reptiles?
Bashir: Probably.

O'Brien: I know just how to handle this situation. Ahem. Goin' down to Eden, hey, Brother....
Hippie: !@#$% hippies.

Sisko: I can see my house rubble from here.

 

[Hutchy01]

The Sisko Facepalm died as fast as it started!

 

[Avro Arrow]

Martok: Damn. Now I wish I hadn't left my heart there.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Leyton: See? I told you I wasn't a changeling! This urine sample proves it!

Martok: And all this happened after the 49ers lost the Super Bowl?

 

[Avro Arrow]

Sisko: Say, what happens to all the blood samples we take when we test for changeling infiltrators?
Leyton: No idea. Thirsty?

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Picard (off-screen): So you are only going to strengthen Earth's security?
Leyton: Oh, no, we're going on the gold standard, starting health savings accounts, and privatizing utilities. Screw self-improvement. Earl Grey?

Female Hippy: And then this white dude kissed the black chick ... on TV?
Male Hippy: Far out. Me and this show ... we reach. I'm gonna crack my knuckles and jump for joy.
O'Brien: Major, set phasers on kill!

 

[Triskelion]

Martok: Damn. Now I wish I hadn't left my heart there.

HA HA!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Dammit Dad. Put some pants on!!

 

[Triskelion]

Leyton: Bedpan squeezins?

 

[Finn]

Sisko: Happens every time the Giants loses the world series

 

[T'Girl]

Sisko: "Damned space soccer hooligans."

Bashir: "The big Direct TV dish on the front of the building really dates the architecture."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Martok: What on Earth?
Sisko: Some jackass rookie plowed a starship into San Francisco Bay, chasing "the bad guy".

 

[kkt]

Martok: What on Earth?
Sisko: Some jackass rookie plowed a starship into San Francisco Bay, chasing "the bad guy".

or, Sisko: Some test pilot named Tex Johnston VIII from Utopia Planitia made a bet that he could barrel roll a new Defiant class underneath the Golden Gate Bridge!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRA: Where are we ,Chief?

O'BRIEN: In a version of the 1960s put together by someone who didn't live through them.