DS9 Caption Contest 116: ROAAAD TRIIIP!

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back everyone! We've survived the Klingons, and now it's time for the open road -- celebrating hours of driving, fast music, and waiting waaaay too long to see a gas station.

But before that, winners!

​

TV: YOUR SINGING SOUNDS LIKE THE DYING BLOODY GURGLES OF A IMPALED TARG! I VOTE DISEMBOWELMENT BY MEK'LETH!
Odo: I always did prefer Idol in the original Klingon.

Gowron: I wish I knew how to quit you.

ROM: I'll have what he's having.

O'Brien: This beer is without honor.
Worf: Blood wine.
O'Brien: Look here, I know a beer when I taste one, and this has hops and barley in with the blood.
Worf: Would you insult this fine vintage of wine?!
Sisko: Enough. Tonight we get drunk. What we drink to do that matters not.
O'Brien: It is still beer without honor.

Klingon: Hey guys, how's it going? Aw, cra-

And topping it all off, a Klingon welcome party:

GOWRON: As it is your first day as citizens of the Klingon Empire, let me offer you my personal welcome. As none of you are actual Klingons, it will also be your last day.

And now...pedal to the metal, awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!

Good luck!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Sisko: Whoops, I guess the shields weren't up after all.

Riker: I'm sorry, Major, I'm just not a fan of the Defiant.

Kira: Why not? We've got Ablative Hull Armor, Quantum Torpedoes, Upgraded Phaser Cannons-

Riker: Bunk Beds.

Kira: Fair enough.

Sisko: Yes, Dax. I think we're a little too close to the sun.

Computer: Because of your age, systems will not respond to your commands. Due to Starfleet Protocol 197WC-1; also known as NMWCPS.

Jake: Computer, what does that mean?

Computer: "No More Wesley Crusher Piloting Starships."

Bashir: We could just blast him now.

Dax: Nah, I can tell Worf really wants to snap this guys neck.

 

[Tosk]

"I'm not falling for your moves, Commander. The Defiant has a full record of your previous 'romances', and the list has been scrolling for two minutes now."

"Turn off your damn high-beams!"

It was at that moment that Third K'Tik-Lan was pretty sure someone had spiked his White.

 

[Ithekro]

Riker: Bunk Beds.

Kira: Fair enough.

The Doctor: "Bunk Beds are cool. A bed with a ladder. You can't beat that."

Dukhat: I find this excessive lack of interal compensators to be highly offensive.

Sisko: Well you tell it to the Vole that just ate through the floor plating.

Kira: Grapevine says these chairs are tall enough to defeat the Riker Maneuver.

Tom: The what?

Kira: Security!

Sisko: So Old Man, ever see anything like this?

Dax: Just about every time I'm forced to switch bodies. Though the music is better this time.

Rom always shows this picture to any perspective dates Lt. Commander Nog would bring to Ferenganar to visit his father the Grand Nagas. To keep Nog humble he says.

USS Shinano, newest Federation anti-kaiju deturrent starship. In action.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Dax:: "We've entered the JJAbrams space!"

Sisco: "Plot a course out before we're rebooted!"

Where Will You Be When Your White Katracel Diarrhea Comes Back?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

SISKO: How should we pass the time on this shuttle trip?
DUKAT: Let's play 'Rank the Races'. Cardassians are number one of course. Humans are lower than Cardassians but higher than Bajorans.
SISKO: Let's just listen to music.

RIKER: You know, I've been to an alternate universe where the two of us are together.
KIRA: Has that pickup line ever worked for you?
RIKER: Surprisingly, yes.

DAX: You know one of my previous hosts became a religious figure once.
SISKO: Ugh, if that ever happens to me, shoot me. Hey, is that a wormhole?

Jake and Nog's blind date with Nausicaan girls.

The only Gem'Hadar with a defective Bladder Enhancement Gene, on long term assignment with a Founder.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Kira: My turn-ons are long strolls through Cardassian space with heavy military equipment, exposing Obsidian Order plots, and ruining Gul Dukat's day.
Riker: Party-time!
Kira: Goatees, though, turn me off.

Dax: You're taking me to meet your mom! Is this a date?!!!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Sisko: Dukat, I hear one word of that scene from The Blues Brothers and I'm airlocking your ass.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Dukat: I feel a song coming on.

Dukat and Sisko, singing:
We're on the road to Chin'toka
This Runabout smells like a barn

Dukat, singing:
Where we're going, how we're going can only lead to war!

Sisko, singing:
I'll throw you at the pahwraiths and you'll be burnt to the core!

Dukat, aside: Hot stuff!

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks Smellincoffee!
Apologies but I found one stuck in the bin:

You do NOT have my permission to name this dump "Quark's Latinum Bar & Grilka"!

Skrain Duckhat: Just pull over and tell them you're Commander of DS9! They won't arrest you! It's Starfleet!
Sisko Duckhat: There's a ramp over the spatial vortex! Hang onto your ridges!

<freeze frame>

The Founder: So, you see, that's the way it goes in Lizzard County. Where the Duckhat Boys will even help out their enemy when the chips are down. That's plum typical of the Duckhats of Lizzard. Too bad it ain't the same everywhere else in the Cardassian Union, huh?

Kira: Come on. Small-framed gender-neutral chick in the cockpit...?
Riker: I don't follow.
Kira: Vaguely sexy jumper, haircut like it was self-inflicted with a knife....
Riker: You're losing me.
Kira: Androgynous sexual tension, blinky lights setting the mood....
Riker: You're gonna have to put it into Federation Standard.
Kira: You know, up for it one minute, the next cold as a Vulcan theorem....
Riker: Oh, like the sex!
Kira: Ya think?? Is there a temporal differential in here too?
Riker: Billiam make ambiguous sex now.
Kira: Wait...Billiam?

Sisko: I don't understand! Why can't we engage thrusters! Where the flux are we?? What happened to the Neutral Zone??
Dax: Well, the Romulans renamed it the Friend Zone.
Sisko: Ohhhhhhh. Can you help us out?
Dax: I don't have friends, I have lovers and suitors.

...

Dax: I'll get Kira out here, she violates these things all the time.

Nog: What happened to your dad's hair??
Jake: Did it migrate south for the winter??

Third: The other Jem'Hadar may not respect me - but by the Founders they will respect - a Gowron Eyeballing!

 

[Rat Boy]

Sisko: "Dukat, where did you learn how to drive?!"

Dukat: "Learn? I'm self taught."

Kira: "Here, let me turn everything on for you, charming stranger who is in no way a Maquis or Changeling."

Sisko: "These fog lights are worthless!"

Nog: "Is that...?"

Jake: "...Pakled porn?"

Nog: "CHANGE THE CHANNEL!"

Jake: "I'm trying, I'm trying!"

Jem'Hadar: "Woah, really big gnats around here!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Jem'Hadar: I am Third K'Tik'lan, and I am wedgied. As of this moment, we are all wedgied. We go into battle to reclaim our tighty whities.

 

[Ithekro]

Jem'Hadar: I am Third K'Tik'lan, and I am wedgied. As of this moment, we are all wedgied. We go into battle to reclaim our tighty whities.

Dax: Nice use of the tractor beam, Chief.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Sorry, Duhat. But I can't drive Warp 5!

DAX: How fast are we going? I'm feeling a bit salamanderish.

KIRA: I didn't think it was possible, but you're an even bigger douche than your file indicated.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Sisco: "Whoa! What was that?"

Jadzia: "It's Deep Spaceballs 9 -- they've gone to plaid!"




Here's the whited out windows for anybody to use:

 

[hux]

Dukat: I told you these new Cardassian penis sucking devices were good, didn't i?

Kira: You seem like a reasonable human being and yet there's something about you that makes me want to smack your face

Sisko: But what is it?
Dax: I've never seen one before - no one has - but I'm guessing it's a white hole.
Sisko: A white hole?
Dax: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A black hole sucks time and matter out of the Universe; a white hole returns it.
Sisko: But what is it?
Dax: I've never seen one before - no one has - but I'm guessing it's a white hole.
Sisko: But what is it?
Computer: Oh someone just punch him out

Nog: Quick, get us out of here.
Jake: I'm trying but this joystick isn't working.
Nog: That's not a joystick!

O'Brien: Shit, he's seen us. Aim for the anus

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: I told you we should have left earlier.

 

[Hutchy01]

LATER...

We go into battle to forget Riker's Ass!

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: What was wrong with the original Godzilla design?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Dukat: Are you AIMING for these people?

Sisko: No. (pause) Maybe that mime.

Riker: So you see, Major, you put your leg over the chair just like so, and...MAGIC!

Kira: You have GOT to be kidding...