The only women I meet in real life are either married or painfully unattractive. It's fucking annoying.
Dating
- Thread starter Sean Aaron
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The only women I meet in real life are either married or painfully unattractive. It's fucking annoying.
I have a question about this. Do Dating sites, like OKCupid really have an impact, or are there better suggestions out there. At this point (Age 27), I'm interested in at least making more friends and seeing where that goes before I seriously consider dating. Also really want to improve my social life. I've heard about clubs and that stuff, and I am shy when it comes to meeting new people, so what would you guys suggest I do.
Oh, and I am still currently looking for work at the moment as well. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm alone all the time and what that social aspect of what happened on the 4th of july or last week at my family camp to continue more.
Oh, and I am still currently looking for work at the moment as well. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm alone all the time and what that social aspect of what happened on the 4th of july or last week at my family camp to continue more.
Well, the problem with a lot of dating sites is that they don't seem to have chat rooms, so it's not really a substitute for normal social mixing. If you can find a dating site with a chat room that might work for making friends too.
You could also try seeing if there's social groups in your area with similar interests like book groups and such. That can provide a nice social outlet without the potentially awkward aspects normally associated with "making new friends."
You could also try seeing if there's social groups in your area with similar interests like book groups and such. That can provide a nice social outlet without the potentially awkward aspects normally associated with "making new friends."
I've went ahead with the whole online dating thing this week and I actually feel pretty good about it. Nothing has really come of it but you know, I feel like I'm making an effort.
Great stuff. I met my current lady love through match.com, though I have to say given how much of a pain they make it to cancel automatic renewal or cancel your membership (you need to phone within a couple of days of the renewal date), I wouldn't sign up with them again.
I went on an online dating site and met three very nice people; two who I never went out with, but had many enjoyable conversations, and one who I had a relationship with for over a year.
I've just broken up with her (amicably, it just wasn't quite working, but that was at least partly my fault) and will give it another go soon.
There's certainly some good people out there; you just have to be a bit cautious.
Considering I had a horrific relationship experience with someone I met through work, online dating could hardly be any worse.
The hard bit is writing your profile. It's difficult to say "shy, quiet, don't go out much, don't drink" without it coming off as "sheltered wowser who lives in a cellar".
I've just broken up with her (amicably, it just wasn't quite working, but that was at least partly my fault) and will give it another go soon.
There's certainly some good people out there; you just have to be a bit cautious.
Considering I had a horrific relationship experience with someone I met through work, online dating could hardly be any worse.
The hard bit is writing your profile. It's difficult to say "shy, quiet, don't go out much, don't drink" without it coming off as "sheltered wowser who lives in a cellar".
So I just spent the weekend being strung along by girls who responded to one of my personal ads. One gave me her number but then never called me back, the other one writes and then doesn't respond to her emails for two days at a time.
I posted two ads, one on Craigslist that was succinct and left a lot to the imagination, that was the one that got responses. I also posted an ad on OKCupid with a lot more of my info and have gotten crickets thus far (well, one response, but from someone who seems really incompatible). I am probably being too honest in my OKCupid ad but I really dislike the idea of misleading people. I am not Don freaking Juan. I am just a normal kind of guy with some geeky tendencies.
I'm not giving up though, onwards to Match.com where hopefully I will have better luck.
I plan on banging my head against this dating wall until I am at least 40. If I still haven't succeeded by then, I don't know what I'll do. Buy a cabin on top of a mountain and become a recluse. I'm kidding, mostly.
The ironic thing is that I've spent the better part of the last decade of my life trying to broaden my appeal to women in order to avoid the rejection I'd experienced in the past. I've learned to cook. I've surrounded myself with nice things- nice clothes, nice apartment, nice job. I quit smoking marijuana. Oddly, I think I was probably closer to what the women in Eugene see at dateable before I made all of these changes. I think the people here take a look at me and think that I'm some kind of a conservative (which I'm totally not). Why does fate mock me so?
/End pathetic rant
I posted two ads, one on Craigslist that was succinct and left a lot to the imagination, that was the one that got responses. I also posted an ad on OKCupid with a lot more of my info and have gotten crickets thus far (well, one response, but from someone who seems really incompatible). I am probably being too honest in my OKCupid ad but I really dislike the idea of misleading people. I am not Don freaking Juan. I am just a normal kind of guy with some geeky tendencies.
I'm not giving up though, onwards to Match.com where hopefully I will have better luck.
I plan on banging my head against this dating wall until I am at least 40. If I still haven't succeeded by then, I don't know what I'll do. Buy a cabin on top of a mountain and become a recluse. I'm kidding, mostly.
The ironic thing is that I've spent the better part of the last decade of my life trying to broaden my appeal to women in order to avoid the rejection I'd experienced in the past. I've learned to cook. I've surrounded myself with nice things- nice clothes, nice apartment, nice job. I quit smoking marijuana. Oddly, I think I was probably closer to what the women in Eugene see at dateable before I made all of these changes. I think the people here take a look at me and think that I'm some kind of a conservative (which I'm totally not). Why does fate mock me so?
/End pathetic rant
Well, firstly I think you need to be more patient in waiting for a response. It's email/messaging - you have no idea what might have happened in that person's life such that they couldn't respond for a couple of days. I've had up to a week go by without a response and then had one when the other person had more time. Yes, maybe the person is blowing you off or they met someone else or they just might be busy or their internet kerploded. I wouldn't sit around and do nothing in the meantime, but I wouldn't think bad thoughts either.
With regards to getting no hits, I think it's good to be sanguine about it: would you rather get lots of contacts from people who might not be a match or a few from people you're more compatible with?
I also think it's possible to be too honest in profiles. Too much information can be overwhelming. I think broad strokes about what you're looking for and what your interests are is better than writing a book, which may be why you're getting more hits from Craigslist. If you're not shy about it, why not post your profile and see what people here think?
With regards to getting no hits, I think it's good to be sanguine about it: would you rather get lots of contacts from people who might not be a match or a few from people you're more compatible with?
I also think it's possible to be too honest in profiles. Too much information can be overwhelming. I think broad strokes about what you're looking for and what your interests are is better than writing a book, which may be why you're getting more hits from Craigslist. If you're not shy about it, why not post your profile and see what people here think?
I guess I should have provided more context to the email complaint. This girl emails me on Friday, she's a professional artist and she sends this really cute pic so I'm taken in a big way. I write her back, she asks me to text her after she gets off work but I don't have a Smartphone. lol. So I write her back stating that, I also asked where she'd like to meet (I thought she meant we should meet that same night but that was a miscommunication). Anyway, I write her back on the email saying sorry about the miscommunication and if she was still interested, maybe we could get together some other time. She writes back late Saturday and says sure, can we meet Monday morning (it's her day off). I write back to say I'm working but can we meet in the afternoon instead? Sunday rolls by, now it's Monday, no response. So basically, strung along. I don't think it's unreasonable that I'd feel frustrated in this situation. My impression at this point is that she's not too serious about the whole thing otherwise she would have followed up.
I'm not sure if I want to open my profile up to criticism from the peanut gallery or not, I'll give it some thought and get back to you.
I see your point, but you still don't really know what could explain the lack of communication and you may still receive a response. Best not to leap to conclusions until you have a reply to evaluate. I think it'll be pretty clear when you're being messed about; it doesn't sound like that's the case here on the surface.
No worries on the eval - you could run it by a friend as well if you're not as keen about strangers checking it. It can be really tough writing those things so outside opinion (especially from someone who knows you) can be helpful.
I think this is a good example of how people see things differently. To me making a vague promise of a date on Monday and then not following up on it sends a clear signal that you are not very interested. I think the odds of some calamity are pretty remote.
edit:
Removed link to my OK Cupid profile. Decided posting it on the forum was probably a bad idea, after all.
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I agree. Online relationships are great, but even in the era of video conferencing, there are still huge amounts left to your imagination -- which can create quite a let down when you meet her in real life and some of your assumptions (which you may not have even known you were making) turn out to have been faulty.
When you feel the spark, find a way to make it real as soon as possible.
I've had terrific luck with Match.com. Just be sure to post real and recent pics and be honest with your stats. Apparently, more than half the guys on there aren't. (?!?) Women are REALLY appreciative when you actually look like your pic, even if you're an ugly Neanderthal like me. One of the best things about online dating is that, if you're honest, you can tell a potential date about how you have a dead-end job, no career to speak of, are poor, have little prospects and, if they STILL want to go on a date, you know that they've been warned. 
Geek2Geek looks like a ghost town.
Yep, totally dead and no apparent attempt on the part of the site owners to keep it alive: no newsletters or other promotional activity to be seen. I really wouldn't invest any money in that site though the premise seems sound.
Litmus Dragon said:
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt - especially when I don't actually know them in real life. I also chatted to enough people on dating sites that I didn't take it personally if someone didn't respond. Some people take offense at people reading a message, checking their profile and then not responding, but you know that's kind of the point of the online dating site: save everyone's time by dismissing people you don't think are a match. Now that might have happened here, but if so it's no big loss and like I said that might not have happened here. Just pretend she's not going to write back and then when she does won't you be happy?
I think its flaw is that it appeals to essentially the same demographic as OKCupid, and also that "geek" is still considered pejorative in some circles. Might be a lousy name to use in a dating site, y'know?
It felt like someone took the time to put the site together and fleece the curious, but didn't really intend to have a functioning dating site. Kind of sad because I thought it would be brilliant.
I don't have the necessary flair for web design, but I think it should be possible to build a "best of breed" dating site. No, not really!
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