Dating

[Mr Silver]

I asked in the J-Date chat room if women avoid men who are listed as Separated and it was unanimous that this was the "scarlet letter" of online dating. The feeling is that there's unresolved baggage and it's best avoided, which I can see.

Are you Jewish? Just out of curiosity, nothing else.

But what I will say is, if you start using "particulars" (as I like to call them, meaning non general dating sites) theres always a lot more pickyness from people on them. I've not used online dating, but I've found that many of these particular dating websites are filled with people looking for specific traits.

 

[Sean Aaron]

I am Jewish. I like J-Date because it has a chat room and as a dating site generally it provides a sufficient level of feedback to be encouraging. It also has a regular newsletter and a variety of methods to transmit interest to prospective partners. Because it is a Jewish dating site it is rather limited however since Scotland's Jewish population is pretty small.

If match.com had a chat room (I've suggested it to them) I'd probably use it more heavily as it does have more local prospects. Guardian Soulmates is pretty good, but lacks even a simple IM function which is quite limiting; especially considering the price. It's not clear what the value is of indicating members are online when you're unable to do anything beyond writing the equivalent of an email...

 

[Squiggy]

Match is good. I've had some luck on it and providing she says what I think she'll say on Sunday...it works.

 

[Sean Aaron]

Well, I'm depressed. Went on my first date last night after some great banter over messaging earlier in the week. I thought she was amazing, she made me laugh we talked until the restaurant closed. Back to my place for a marathon make-out session. Then today I get a text saying she had a great time and enjoyed kissing, but she doesn't think we have enough in common for her to pursue things.

I'm not devastated, but wow, this really sucks.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I also recommend OKCupid. I met my current girlfriend there, plus I've made quite a few friends. I know several others who met their current partners there, as well. The general quality of OKCupid members seems to be higher than other dating sites. It's a more interesting crowd, in my opinion.

Sucks that she decided not to pursue things, but that does happen. Just gotta get back on the horse. I do recommend meeting people in person as soon as possible, so you seem to be on the right track there.

 

[sidious618]

Well, I'm depressed. Went on my first date last night after some great banter over messaging earlier in the week. I thought she was amazing, she made me laugh we talked until the restaurant closed. Back to my place for a marathon make-out session. Then today I get a text saying she had a great time and enjoyed kissing, but she doesn't think we have enough in common for her to pursue things.

I'm not devastated, but wow, this really sucks.

Yeah, that sucks and it kinda makes no sense considering you stayed so long at the restaurant. But a myriad of things could've happened in her own life, like her going back to an ex because she's not over him, that she might've covered up by just saying she's not sure if you have enough in common.

 

[Sean Aaron]

I wouldn't have had a problem if she wasn't into me, but she clearly was - made the first move back at my place - and said as much today. She's just "being a practical Capricorn" and feels we don't have enough overlapping interests - shit, lady, I'm looking for love I don't really care if you like my Furuta Star Trek models!

So, I'm having to add "no going to someone's place" to "no sex" on my "things not to do on a first date" list, as clearly I'm too free with my heart to do that. She did apologise for hurting me and for a few hours I got to have the closeness I'm really craving, but it is disappointing.

Already getting back on the horse though and have messaged a couple of people on Plenty of Fish; I'll do the same on Soulmates before the night is out. I keep checking match.com and the pickings are pretty slim in Glasgow: lot of tired, worn-out folk and party girls - not for me.

Thanks again to whomever suggested Soulmates, that's where I found this date!

 

[Myasishchev]

She's just "being a practical Capricorn"

I think this is what's called a "blessing in disguise."

So, I'm having to add "no going to someone's place" to "no sex" on my "things not to do on a first date" list,

I spy your double negative there. Very clever.

Sorry about your crappy date, dude.

 

[Sean Aaron]

She's just "being a practical Capricorn"

I think this is what's called a "blessing in disguise."

So, I'm having to add "no going to someone's place" to "no sex" on my "things not to do on a first date" list,

I spy your double negative there. Very clever.

Sorry about your crappy date, dude.

I think you're right on the first one.

Second one, I can only say: haha!

Cheers, but it was actually a great date, it's just the day after that was crappy. What's been annoying is the subsequent texting today where she's keen to have coffee some time and be friends. Damn girl, it's a DATING site, I'm not going there to make friends!

 

[MacLeod]

I try and be philosophical about these sites. Yes hopefully meeting someone will lead somwhere but I try and think the worst that could happen is I'll make a new friend.

Though currently have my eye on someone at okcupid we've been exchanging e-mails for a couple of weeks now. From the face of it we have several things in common. And she is open to the possibility of meeting as I dropped a few subtle hints expressing an interest in taking her on a date.

 

[Sean Aaron]

Good luck man, you've got more patience than me. I don't think I could go a couple of weeks without meeting like that.

 

[JoeZhang]

So, I'm having to add "no going to someone's place" to "no sex" on my "things not to do on a first date" list, as clearly I'm too free with my heart to do that. She did apologise for hurting me and for a few hours I got to have the closeness I'm really craving, but it is disappointing.

Maybe you are coming across a bit full-on?

 

[Sean Aaron]

That could be, it was pretty intense - though if that was a problem I'd have expected to scare her off early. It was a few hours of bliss; I'm not going to over-analyze it.

I did have another text today asking if I'd reconsider coffee and my answer was the same: not unless she wanted to be more than friends. Maybe she'll change her mind, but I'm not going to sit around waiting to find out, though I'd absolutely go for it if she did.

I do wonder about dinner on a first date; especially if the other person has a glass or two of wine to "take the edge off" or "calm nerves" - I prefer my emotions to be more real and unfiltered (though I don't drink for other reasons) and it doesn't seem like a good idea on a first date: more likely to do something and have second thoughts in the cold morning light.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

That could be, it was pretty intense - though if that was a problem I'd have expected to scare her off early. It was a few hours of bliss; I'm not going to over-analyze it.

I did have another text today asking if I'd reconsider coffee and my answer was the same: not unless she wanted to be more than friends. Maybe she'll change her mind, but I'm not going to sit around waiting to find out, though I'd absolutely go for it if she did.

I do wonder about dinner on a first date; especially if the other person has a glass or two of wine to "take the edge off" or "calm nerves" - I prefer my emotions to be more real and unfiltered (though I don't drink for other reasons) and it doesn't seem like a good idea on a first date: more likely to do something and have second thoughts in the cold morning light.

Eh, this is why I recommend coffee or something equally low-key and innocuous for a first date. If it goes well, it might evolve beyond that. Kind of depends on what the schedule is like. If either one of you have somewhere else to be that day, you might not get to see where things go. On the other hand, if you meet for coffee in the morning, and you're both free the rest of the day, you never know what might happen. It just might turn into dinner. Or you'll realize you're not as interested in this person as you thought, and find an excuse to leave.

 

[Sean Aaron]

I totally agree, but I was keen to meet and Friday night was the earliest. If I had held off until Sunday afternoon it might have been different. No regrets though.

 

[PurpleLady]

I only ever met one person from on line. It started out great but sadly he wasn't man enough to break it off in a humane way. He just wasn't around or contactable. No explanations, nothing. I worried about him for a long time. I was sure something bad had happened to him. However, just recently I've learned he is around. He won't admit it is him though, so no loss. He wasn't worth my time.

 

[Sean Aaron]

That sucks PurpleLady. You have to be honest even if folk get hurt just to give them closure. Seems like basic manners to me.

 

[Holdfast]

She's just "being a practical Capricorn"

I think this is what's called a "blessing in disguise."

I had a joke in mind after reading that line too, but this one is better.

 

[backstept]

Match is good. I've had some luck on it and providing she says what I think she'll say on Sunday...it works.

well?
way to bring the suspense, man!

 

[Sean Aaron]

Yeah I've been waiting for part 2 as well, Squigs!