Caption Contest 14: Noxious Emissions

[Triskelion]

Well that does it for another week's contest! Poor Mayweather's had better weeks! Congratulations to our two winners, Nerys Myk with some good old fashioned funny social-commentary angst humor, and Rat Boy's double-whammy character irony with ever-brilliant TOS-referencing! Other Honorable Mentions follow!

Ok, there are a number of different awards this week, so onto:

First Image:

ARCHER: ( thinking nervously) Ok, Jon keep it cool...dont go for the Soul Shake or the Fist Jab....straight up hand shake.....NAILED IT!!!! (whew!)

Second Image:

Archer (thinking): All he can do is go on and on about how pissed off he is that his brother left his favorite book about the Chicago mobs on some planet. What's the worst that could happen?

This job is hard, so here are the Honorable Mentions:


The Shatmandu Award:

Archer and Mayweather's staring contests eventually gave way to the most uncomfortable release of pent-up sexual tension in Starfleet history.

The Punchline Award:

(*Joy buzzer sound*)

ARCHER:"Works every time."

TRAVIS:"Am I experienced at piloting?

Is the Space Pope a crocodilian?"

The Droll Award:

ARCHER:"Your ideas fascinate me.

I'd like to subscribe to your subspace newsletter."

The Alltime Funniest Quantum Leap Reference Award:

"Oh, for the love of Christ, It's been four fucking years, Al, when do I get to leap the fuck out of this shithole?"

The Jane Curtin Award:

"Hello, Captain Archer. I realize the new administration change has everyone nervous but you can relax. Nothing much will change under President Obama. Well, I'll be taking your cabin and you get a crew bunk but that's all. Oh, and I'm keeping the dog."

The WTF Award:

``So, Travis, how was Mom?''
``She was hurt you didn't come, you know.''
``I know, I know. But if we both left at the same time people might figure out we're identical twins again.''
``Plus she says you're grounded.''
``Aw, man.''

The Mayweather Rage Award:

Archer: Welcome aboard, I'm Captain Archer. You must be our new redshirt.
Mayweather: YOU SMUG BASTARD, I'VE BEEN SAT IN FRONT OF YOU EVERY DAY FOR FOUR YEARS!

Archer: I'm a little uncomfortable, you've been sat here for over an hour and you haven't said a thing.
Mayweather: Oh, NOW you notice? How about the phase pistol pointed at your crotch? YOU NOTICE THAT?!

And finally, the Mayweather's Last Word Award:

Archer: I've just been watching your scene in Bound... Fond of BIG ACTING much?

Mayweather: Get killed, sir.

Felicitaciones a todos nuestros ganadores!
​

Each of our winners gets:

A Star Trek Home Theater!!!


Our next contest finds our crew scanning the noxious emissions of an isolated Civilization, while Phlox tries his hand at cosmetic surgery:

______________________________________________________

Ready probes!

 

[Rat Boy]

T'Pol: "The briefing material is down here, gentlemen."

Reed: "Sorry."

Mayweather: "My bad."

T'Pol: "That goes for you too, Ensign."

Hoshi: "Damn."

Phlox: "You get used to them after thirty years or so."

Archer: "Are you done yet? I want to watch the trailer next!"

 

[Mistral]

T'Pol: "Ensign, please adjust the terrarium temperature to 79 degrees."

Travis: "Yes, Ma'am."

Reed: "What are they doing in there?"

Hoshi: "Oh, my God! It's a gerbil orgy!"

Phlox: "I think they look quite nice. And they double as a handy cd holder."

Archer: "T'Pol, how are the gerbils doing?"

T'Pol: "They seem to be engaged in a major re-population effort, Captain."

Hoshi: "Uh, sir, who's that guy over there with the camera?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Archer: "Quit playing around with your eyebrow machine and help us out!"

 

[cooleddie74]

T'POL:"If everyone can focus on the tactical readout for one second...you will notice how I was finally able after many solar days of practice and effort to get Mario to the end of the game and accumulate well over 100 stars."

ARCHER:"Told ya Trip had V.D.

Didn't I?"

TRIP:"You done with that thing yet?

The rest of us wanna see what the hell this damn Vulcan butler saw."

 

[cooleddie74]

HOSHI:"Great. Now I'm a lemon shark."

 

[E-Blonde]

Hoshi: Can we stop at that Starbucks? They have a drive-through.

 

[cooleddie74]

HOSHI:"Does that blinking skull-and-crossbones over top of the galley mean anything?"

(*Stares worriedly into coffee cup*)

 

[Turd Ferguson]

T'Pol: As you can see, the Vulcans' disbelief in humanity's success in its trek to the stars is warranted if humans cannot even master the game of Simon.

"That's some excellent work there, Doc... but I actually came in for my weekly colonoscopy."

"If According to Jim and Homeboys from Outer Space are the prime examples of human comedy, then perhaps it is best the Eugenics Wars ravaged your planet."

 

[E-Blonde]

Noxious emmissions indeed...

Archer: What do you see in there?
T'Pol: I see London, I see France, I see Kirk in his underpants.
Archer: Very funny T'Pol.
T'Pol: Captain, Vulcans do not engage in humor. He turned around, dropped his pants, bent over and raised his middle finger. He says nobody will ever remember who you were once he is captain of the Enterprise.
Hoshi: Can we have this on the viewer?
Archer: Tell him we had four seasons to his three.
T'Pol: He says maybe so, but his cannon is bigger than your cannon.
Hoshi: Can we please have this on the viewer?
Archer: Tell him he can discuss his big cannon with Mr. Sulu.
T'Pol: He says @$%#ing Daniels!

 

[cooleddie74]

TRIP:"What's that thing?"

ARCHER:"James Kirk's ship will have one."

HOSHI:"Who?!"

ARCHER:"NEVER MIND.

F...ing Daniels."

 

[cooleddie74]

PHLOX:"You can exhale through them, Ensign...however...we Denobulans over the millennia have found other...more PLEASANT uses for them."

 

[Nerys Myk]

TRAVIS: Hot Pockets done yet?

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Quit hogging the Viewmaster, we'd all like to see the Grand Canyon!

 

[E-Blonde]

Archer: What do you see in there?
T'Pol: The Mr. Vulcan-of-the-day pinup.
Hoshi: Can we put that on the viewer?

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Archer: "I can never tell... is this another time travel episode?"

Trip: "No sir, that's not an Akira. That's us."

Archer: "Oh."

Reed: "Is that an Akira?"

Hoshi: "Nah, it's a fake gorilla."

Reed: "What?"

Hoshi: "Sorry, I thought you were watching Congo"

Phlox: "Someday... someday I will look like this. Then the Captain will truly love me."

Archer: "Maybe I should knock next time..."

Archer: "Yeah, you apparently haven't put one of those new cover sheets on your TPS reports..."

 

[Newspaper Taxi]

Phlox: "I think we should all try to think positive. We survived the radiation field and personally I think life as a triple-headed being will be delightful. I'll always have someone to talk to!"
​

 

[Nerys Myk]

Next Week on a very special Enterprise.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Hoshi: "Are you gonna finish my measurements or are you going to keep looking at porn?"

Archer and Trip: "Porn?"

 

[Rat Boy]

T'Pol: "You people realize that I'm a vegetarian, right?"