Caption Contest 13: Horizontal Mambo

[Triskelion]

Greetings and salutations campers, we interrupt Lucy & Beaver Meet the Fonz to bring you:

This week's contest features captioners who could have easily won with several of their entries. There's a double win from Rat Boy, and wins from the irrepressible cooleddie74, E-Blonde, Nebusj! Great job guys, the laughs never stop coming so keep up whatever it is you're doing! And finally two very awesomest Photoshops from Nerys Myk!


First Image:

Mestral: "Another day in this shithole called Grover's Corners."

Second Image:

MESTRAL:"Curious.

Why doesn't this Lucy woman simply kill her immigrant husband for his nightclub insurance money?"

Third Image:

Stell-lah!

Fourth Image:

``I'm not an alien from space.''
``Oh, that's lovely. We're not a pair of strangers thrown together on a desperate cross-country trek to Mount Rushmore to foil another nation's spies.''
``It's pleasant not to meet you in that case.''
``Likewise.''

Photoshop Award:

JOHN: That's not your Grandfather.

BEATLES: Hey lady! Can we have our hairstyle back?

Multicap Award:

Mestral: "Ricearoni?"

T'Mir: "It is the San Francisco treat."

Stron: "I do not understand. Why doesn't the Beaver simply neck pinch the older boys?"

T'Mir: "Will you stop whining about stone knives and bearskins?"

Man (thinking): I'd like to give her a shine on Track 29.

Congratulations to all our winners!


Your prize:

The Chick Repulsor!


Dialing it back after the hubbub of the week, what with four Vulcan captions and a new president, this week's contest is a short and sweet palate cleanser from somewhere over the Horizon:

__________________________________________________

Lock phasers and fire!

 

[jgdst]

Ohhhhh this is like Chrismtas to me.... All hail the mighty Triskelion!

Archer: Welcome aboard, I'm Captain Archer. You must be our new redshirt.
Mayweather: YOU SMUG BASTARD, I'VE BEEN SAT IN FRONT OF YOU EVERY DAY FOR FOUR YEARS!

Archer: I'm a little uncomfortable, you've been sat here for over an hour and you haven't said a thing.
Mayweather: Oh, NOW you notice? How about the phase pistol pointed at your crotch? YOU NOTICE THAT?!

 

[Rat Boy]

Archer: "Welcome back. Sorry, no lines this week."

Mayweather: "Dammit!"

Archer: "Well, we're going to have to deduct that out of your quota."

Archer (thinking): All he can do is go on and on about how pissed off he is that his brother left his favorite book about the Chicago mobs on some planet. What's the worst that could happen?

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Welcome aboard, Mr. Mayweather! Let me explain how I run this ship. Fast and loose. As long as you make witty quips, keep our spirits high, and don't do too much smiling, I see you being a lieutenant by your third year, tops!"

"Wow. So you made assistant manager at Burgerland by your sixth year? I'm going to make a note in my log under the heading: IMPRESSED!"

 

[E-Blonde]

Mayweather: Well at least its not the Detroit Lions.

Ensign Mayweather laments not having a no-trade clause in his contract upon being sent to the Vulcans for a crewman to be named later.​

 

[Nerys Myk]

Mayweather: (clicks remote) No one will suspect I've replaced Archer with a robot double. I can just sit back, keep quite and run things from behind the scenes.

 

[cooleddie74]

ARCHER:"Ahhhhh, so you're Travis Mayweather!

I was expecting someone taller.

With more background development and purpose."

Archer and Mayweather's staring contests eventually gave way to the most uncomfortable release of pent-up sexual tension in Starfleet history.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Hello, sir!

Ensign Travis Mayweather...at your service.

I hear you need a helm officer who will keep his mouth shut and never get laid?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: ( thinking nervously) Ok, Jon keep it cool...dont go for the Soul Shake or the Fist Jab....straight up hand shake.....NAILED IT!!!! (whew!)

 

[Mistral]

"Hello, Captain Archer. I realize the new administration change has everyone nervous but you can relax. Nothing much will change under President Obama. Well, I'll be taking your cabin and you get a crew bunk but that's all. Oh, and I'm keeping the dog."

 

[cooleddie74]

TRAVIS:"Hi!"

ARCHER:"Not yet...but after hearing about your piloting and conversation skills I'm sure I soon will be."

 

[cooleddie74]

TRAVIS:"You have sexy eyes, sir."

ARCHER:"Lay one finger on me and I'll beat you silly."

 

[Rat Boy]

Archer: "Hey, I heard you scored with that reporter chick. Good job, Ensign!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Archer: Welcome aboard, Ensign... um... um..
Mayweather: Mayweather, sir. Travis Mayweather. I've been your helmsmen for the past four years.
Archer: Doesn't ring a bell. Four years, you say.


Later that day....

Mayweather: Sir, I've been aboard for four years. Really, I have. Travis? Mayweather?
Archer: Mayflower. Nope, still doesn't ring a bell. Are you sure?

 

[Rat Boy]

Archer (thinking): Perfect. My ringer for the ship's basketball team has arrived. Let's see Captain Jennings' squad try to guard him!

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Captain Jonathan Archer and his new black friend!

Archer: "You can talk?"

 

[cooleddie74]

"Travis Mayweather...your resident and highly trained Boomer!"

"Captain Jonathan Archer...your reluctant and highly unimpressed commander."

 

[cooleddie74]

TRAVIS:"...and that's when my brother opened up the radioactive waste disposal valves on the Horizon's reactor 2 and flushed it all into space as the Orions attacked...then my mom had to treat half the crew for delta ray exposure. We were all sick for days."

ARCHER:"Damn.

Do you EVER shut up?"

 

[Skywalker]

Archer: "Welcome aboard Enterprise, Ensign Token."
Mayweather: "It's Mayweather, sir..."

Mayweather: "You know, as a Boomer, I know my way around the galaxy. If you need any advice, don't hesitate to ask."
Archer: "Riiiight...well, y'see, we kinda have the Vulcan star charts, so we really don't need your help. With anything. Ever."

 

[Nebusj]

Ah, thank you. Now to fresh work:

``Oh, yes, Travis. Good luck with your `secret pilot' episode for a spinoff based on the Horizon there. I'm sure it'll be a brilliant success.''

``So, Travis, how was Mom?''
``She was hurt you didn't come, you know.''
``I know, I know. But if we both left at the same time people might figure out we're identical twins again.''
``Plus she says you're grounded.''
``Aw, man.''