Bad Trek Jokes, Part II

Discussion in 'General Trek Discussion' started by Lord Garth, Jun 12, 2018.

  1. Dr. San Guinary

    Dr. San Guinary Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    What happened when Tom got heartburn from Neelix's chili?

    Paris is burning...
     
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  2. Brain Melter

    Brain Melter Admiral Rear Admiral

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    :lol:
     
  3. Dr. San Guinary

    Dr. San Guinary Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    If Tom and B'elanna fight and then have make-up sex, does this count as Paris peace accords?
     
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  4. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

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    Worf commented that prune juice is a warrior's drink. Yeah, watch Klingons fight to the death to get to the bathroom first...

    I wonder if Hoshi Sato calls Tellarite languages "Pig Latin"?

    If Daniels really wanted to impress Archer, he would have given him the next fifty years' worth of water polo results...

    Kohl's is not the place to go for Kohlinar...

    It looks like Admiral Forrest's ancestor made his way into deep space long before the NX-01, judging by all the aliens who look like him...

    Klaang, Son of Kerplunk???

    Looks like Captain Harriman's Command Persona was going to be installed on Tuesday, too...

    Corbomite is #1 in the Periodic Fable of the Elements...

    For some strange reason, landing parties are never supplied with alcohol and a DJ...

    More upon request...
     
  5. Brain Melter

    Brain Melter Admiral Rear Admiral

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    It's rather discouraging that in the 24th century they still haven't found a cure for baldness, not even for holograms!!
     
  6. Tim Thomason

    Tim Thomason Commodore Commodore

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    Away teams always lack home field advantage.
     
  7. Brain Melter

    Brain Melter Admiral Rear Admiral

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    If Geordi became a superhero what would be his name?

    Supervisor!!!
     
  8. hbquikcomjamesl

    hbquikcomjamesl Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

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    Actually, as a child, I had an idea for a "SuperVisor" comic strip.

    And now that I think of it, "SuperVisor" would be a great gag for a Mystery Men sequel. Or an Incredibles sequel.
     
  9. Qonundrum

    Qonundrum Commodore Commodore

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    LOL!

    Marco Daniels?

    Or in a Kohler?

    I can't see him for the trees...

    Heard only in the Kohler. :D

    Thankfully Stuart was more commanding, just as Carter. :D

    And Vegemite is the 23rd. :D

    Only because there was no bar on Guinan Nine.

    Please! :techman:
     
  10. Brain Melter

    Brain Melter Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Q: What did Chakotay say when Neelix told him that he wanted to be a bridge officer?

    A: Consider yourself lucky that you don't live under one.
     
  11. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

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    Thank you!

    Starfleet transporters should automatically puree Redshirts to save them the indignity of death by alien hands.

    The Enterprise-D's computer is so advanced it can create and run complex instructions for holodeck programs, yet it has to be told every bloody time that Captain PIcard takes his Earl Grey tea hot.

    For holodeck users of the 24th century, living off the grid means the exact same thing as it does for us today.

    Tricorders aren't equipped with a mute button.

    Phaser beams which can liquefy rock aren't harmful for human eyes to look at.

    We actually saw saucer-separation as far back as Star Trek VI and "Flashback".

    Among the futuristic items sealed in Crewman Daniels' quarters is a whacking great reset button.

    Blood is not thicker than water because puny shuttlecraft are named after scientists whilst the more powerful runabouts are named after rivers.

    Clearly, El-Aurians are ashamed of their association with the Borg.

    How cool would it have been for Michael Dorn to play a Gorn?

    Long before the Jem Hadar made them fashionable, Travis Mayweather perfected the personal cloaking device, rendering him invisible to the naked eye.

    Teflon-coated walls and ceilings would have made it more difficult for the Suliban to traverse the NX-01. Cans of Raid would have been helpful, too.

    Once sure way to defeat the Crystalline Entity is to take it out of the box and let the kids play with it.

    Too funny how the USS Pasteur pasteurized itself.

    What the Caretaker did is a felony in all fifty states.

    You just knew when you saw Don Marshall in the Galileo, that ship was going down to a land of giants.

    Kirk's crew went up against more pseudo-deities than the whole of the Hollywood paparazzi pool.

    Working Tellarites literally bring home the bacon.

    Doctor Who fans would have been the only survivors of Deneva because they're the only ones who would have used their 9th Doctor-era Character Options sonic screwdriver to zap dead the mind parasites.

    Thick-headed Hirogen never would get Tom Paris's frequent Elmer Fudd allusions.

    Crewman Daniels has more lives than re-sequenced futons.

    It wouldn't be the Enterprise without a Sulu at the helm, a wonky transporter, a constantly buckling Number Four Shield, and Paramount Pictures stamped under the secondary hull.

    The easiest way to defeat an Augment is to throw them a mirror.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2019
  12. think

    think Good thought reward Premium Member

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    inside the mind.
    this one...

    a rope walks into Quarks
    orders a drink
    Quark say we don't server ropes here
    the rope goes out to the promenade
    asks the first person to tie them into a knot
    then the second person asks them to fray their ends some

    rope walks back into Quarks and orders a drink again..

    Quarks says aren't you the rope that was just in here

    the rope says no I am afraid not... hehe
     
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  13. Brain Melter

    Brain Melter Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Q: How do you call Data's new home?

    A: Database.
     
  14. Qonundrum

    Qonundrum Commodore Commodore

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    What's Kruge's least favorite hobby?

    Rock climbing, because he likes to cling on to a cliff.
     
  15. Brain Melter

    Brain Melter Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Do you know why Michael was fired from her job at Burger King?


    Because Michael burns ham...
     
  16. Brain Melter

    Brain Melter Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Faceless Starfleet guy: State your name, rank, and position.
    Number One: Number One
    Faceless Starfleet guy: Which one is it?
    Number One: All of them, stupid.
    Faceless Starfleet guy: You mean you don't have a name?
    Number One: So? You don't have one either and you don't even have a face, loser!
    Faceless Starfleet guy: Hey, just because you're number one doesn't mean that you can treat me like number two.
    Number One: How long is this gonna take? I have places to go to.
    Faceless Starfleet guy: Places?
    Number One: Yeah, like anywhere but here, dumbass.
    Faceless Starfleet guy: Hey, double dumbass on you!
    Number One: On you!
    Faceless Starfleet guy: ...YOU!
    Number One: ...YOU!
    ...
    ...
    ...
     
  17. StametsFungi

    StametsFungi Commander Red Shirt

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    Did you hear about the suicidal Andorian?

    He was feeling Blue.
     
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  18. Brain Melter

    Brain Melter Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Not Moving Sitting Starfleet Faceless Guy = NMSSFG

    NMSSFG: We think that your profile uniquely fits your position on S31.

    Voq/Tyler: You mean a Klingon spy with an overlaid fake human personality that somehow took over, sort of, but not really?

    NMSSFG: Exactly, plus we like the way your mind works.

    Voq/Tyler: You mean like the time when...


    * ** Flashback ***


    Man : That man saved me from drowning. He's a hero.

    Voq/Tyler: "Saved" you? Or caused you to drown in the first place?

    Man : No I am telling you. I fell in the water on my own. I was drowning. That man came and saved me!!! Go it?

    Voq/Tyler: Ok, but what if someday, instead of saving people he decides to drown them, ever think of that?

    Man : Get out! Get OUT!!!! OUUUUUTTTT!!!!!

    *** End Flashback ****


    NMSSFG: Precisely!!! Your kind of thinking is what someday may very well save the Federation!

    Voq/Tyler: Really? I didn't know you guys were that desperate.

    NMSSFG: Well, we are.

    Voq/Tyler: Well, then, there's no other place I'd rather be or that would have me.

     
  19. Tim Thomason

    Tim Thomason Commodore Commodore

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    That's similar to the rookie Orion or the cowardly Xarantine.
     
  20. Brain Melter

    Brain Melter Admiral Rear Admiral

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    I hear the Ferengi have a new breed of dog: The Gold Pressed Latinum Retriever.