Picard’s Tea Order Makes No Sense

Like when Data says "Feline supplement 125."

 

Again, that would require the replicator to have

A) biometric sensing capabilities

B) psychic powers

because personification requires identification. In order for the replicator to provide the right blend and temperature as soon as Picard approaches it has to know that it's Picard approaching, and nowhere in TNG canon has the replicator demonstrated such an ability. Rail against it all you like. That's not gonna change any time soon.

Yes, because with all the written stories, movie adaptations and TV adaptations it has to choose from in the library database it has assloads more information about Professor Moriarty than it will ever have about any single crew member, and that type of knowledge is unnecessary as presumably anybody can walk up to the replicator and say "Ham on rye with mustard." As long as the replicator knows what ham, rye bread and mustard are, you can be assured that it will deliver a ham sandwich. Knowing every detail about the person ordering and recognizing him and predicting that he wants a ham sandwich requires wasting computer memory that could be better used elsewhere.

I understand what you're saying just fine. Quote Spock, "You proceed from a false assumption." The replicators don't work the way you want them to because nobody fucking needs them to work the you want them to.

 

The computer knows where everyone is. So it knows that Picard is close to the replicator and it knows what Picard drinks at that time of day.

Of course, it will know what to do and when, it's only because the people who wrote this are incapable of putting two plus two together that it doesn't work this way.

There are no psychic abilities needed just memory, simple memory.

I proceed from the right assumptions from the elements given in the stories.

You're like someone who knows that he has some white paint and also that he has some black paint, yet doesn't have the slightest idea of how he could make grey paint.

 

Well, when Scotty asks the computer to see the bridge of his old ship, & then specifies the Enterprise, it should know he's Montgomery Scott, & it should know that he served on 2 ships bearing that name, & one was designated Enterprise A. So it should automatically just show him the bridge of the Constitution Class. Clearly their computer was designed to need a little more TLC than that though lol

The tone Picard always uses when he says "Tea. Earl Grey. Hot". Always seemed to me to have a little bit of snap to it, like intentional abruptness, like he's had some communication issues with that thing before, & now just barks whatever relevant data to it, that it could possibly get wrong, or annoy you for more specificity about.

 

Interior, ready room. Captain Picard and Commander Riker are having a meeting.

Riker: And that's the scenario on Cestus 3.
Picard: You described that situation to a T, Number One.
*Replicator Activates*

 

Since everything is replicated from recycled energy Picard actually isn't drinking Earl Grey Tea but instead pee,discarded tri-corders, Worfs old underwear, season 1 uniforms and who knows what else.

 

But how did it know the TOS bridge, and not the TMP or TWOK bridge?

 

Cow pies are used as fertilizer.
Fertilizer grows grain.
Grain is fed to cows.
Cows are turned into steak.

So if you order a steak, guess what you're eating.

And I'm sure a replicator COULD be programmed to produce tea (or whatever) based on time of day, position in room, or whatever. Picard just chooses not to use it that way.

 

That's an interesting observation, and that sort of scenario seems completely plausible. I like it!

 

The computer knows where everybody's commbadge is. If he's not wearing it, then the computer needs to track his biosigns, and it needs a specific command to do that. Also, you're counting a lot on Picard drinking the exact same drink at the exact same time every day in full uniform. Nobody's that inflexible. So what if he decides to try one of Stellar Cartography lady's herbal blends? Or a variety of hot chocolate Deanna recommends? What if he leaves his commbadge in his ready room when he goes to his quarters and decides not to retrieve it until morning, and then wants tea in his living room?

The computer can't possibly predict every variable involved in replicator use, so it's operated on a principle that doesn't require it to. You step up to the thing, order what you want and it fulfills the order. As long as you're capable of verbalising your choices at the time you're near the replicator, commbadge and biosign tracking and searching the computer's memory for a meal you had two stardates ago aren't necessary.

I think this is one instance where TNG writers added two plus two just fine. Your problem is you want it to equal "green."

And biometric data on the current user, including a database of every food or drink choice the user ever selected, and a probability engine to calculate variables like time and location to determine what's the most likely request the user's going to make, and a variable compensator if the user doesn't want the choice that has been preselected.

Or, the user can just tell the stupid thing what he wants and how he wants it, which only requires of the replicator the energy, matter and a more limited database to complete the order.

And the wrong assumption that the fact that replicators don't work the way you want them is somehow a flaw in the writing.

It doesn't matter whether I can mix the paints properly or not if either the white or the black paint alone is adequate for my needs. In that instance mixing the paints just causes more problems than it solves.

 

Those are refits & nothing was mentioned about those. So it took it plainly as a request to see the original.

Which still begs the question why it couldn't do the same plain thing & just show Scotty the bridge of his old ship "Enterprise" with no bloody A, B, C or D, unless otherwise specified. The answer is obviously it made for a funny moment. They're always trying to use the computer interactions for funny moments. Case in point, Geordi in The Mind's Eye getting a totally off mood of music.

I mean even Jarok can't get a dang glass of drinking water without a hassle about temperature. It's effing water, probably to drink, as is likely the most common request about water to a food replicator. If no temp is given, can't you just figure standard drinking water temp, which normally isn't plain hot water? So maybe Picard has had a couple of those annoyances, & just knows how to interact with it to minimize wasting his time, & sometimes all it takes is a vague statement like cool or hot. Think of it like accessing files. The main file is "Tea", the selection is "Earl Grey", & the temp specification it will no doubt bother you for anyway, is anything on the hot side.

 

Then why didn't it show the Pike era bridge?

 

Was Scotty a crew member on that bridge? I'm reaching now. lol

 

I love how Picard just has to say four words, has a beverage immediately materialize out of thin air, and some people think that's just way too much effort.

 

Exactly!

 

Based on the amazing (and scary) machine learning that can be applied to human behaviours today, I could definitely see the Enterprise computer being able to predict what you'd want out of the replicator at any time, right down to predicting moods, like "Uh oh, he's been reading that sad e-book again, I'd better replicate his favourite ice cream comfort food".

As for Picard snapping Tea, Earl Grey, Hot at the computer, maybe he just doesn't like the computer assuming what he wants or treating him as predictable? Maybe every so often he throws the AI off by ordering a can of coke and a jumja stick. Also, while it may seem redundant for Picard to specify the "Tea" part, maybe if you don't specify that it serves decaffeinated by default?

 

Thank you!!!

That's the most logical explanation, I've seen so far.

 

So are we. Nature is nothing but a gigantic recycling machine. Things that don't recycle (like plastics)... are nature's plague. For all, you know some of what you're eating comes from Julius caesar's shit.

 

I really don't have much to add to the discussion except two points:

The killjoy reminder that we're trying to apply logic to a show, where the obvious answer is, "It was done for the audience, not because it makes logical sense within the world." Yeah, sorry, I had to be that guy.

But, it does bring to mind this part of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which I have to believe had some role in having Picard verbally order something instead of allowing the computer to predict what he'd want.

 

Star Trek fans are so awesome sometimes.

4 pages on Picard's tea order.

Great stuff!