STAR TREK: a series treatment starring APRIL and COLT

[zekkie]

this is a pitch, among many, that is WGA registered...

That and about four dollars will buy you a double tall mocha at Starbucks.

show me yours, or show me one better, Buzzkill.

 

[zekkie]

Sounds expensive.

Pass.

not at all.

block shot.
no ensemble.
special reuse of stock effects.
use of already licensed properties.
under 2 million per. easy.

 

[zekkie]

Anything to do with Pike and/or April is better left to the realms of novels and comics. Why? Cause people don't care. They want Kirk and Spock; to a lesser extent Picard and Data. They want the characters that are part of the fabric of American pop-culture.

I want to give them Kirk and Spock, if you'll read a bit

 

[Professor Zoom]

this is a pitch, among many, that is WGA registered...

That and about four dollars will buy you a double tall mocha at Starbucks.

show me yours, or show me one better, Buzzkill.

If I'm not mistaken he did write an episode of Next Generation.... that sounds pretty darn good...

 

[zekkie]

When the pitch said the show was going to be like Benson and Parks and Rec, I stopped reading. 1. Benson was on like 30 years ago. Who cares? 2. Benson and Parks and Rec have VERY different types of humor. Which is it?

And having 188 outlines stories? That's a bad idea. They don't care about that. They would want to know first season and ideas of the general direction of the remaining seasons. 188 outlined stories... what if about 25 in, things aren't working out...? All of those outlines are going to be dumped. Having that many outlined stories shows you are an amateur. If you were seriously pitching it, I wouldn't tell them that.

Besides, in order to actually pitch it, do you have an agent, or a manager? Have you produced television before?

They won't hand the keys over to a franchise to someone with little or no experience. The BEST you could hope for: they buy your idea, give you a created by credit, and hand the show over to an experience showrunner.

WGA registration is a necessary first step to have your document viewed by ANYONE. non-members can register and they should, after they make a writing attempt. this is the step that 99% of fandom misses, therefore...

This isn't true. I haven't registered scripts in a long time. I've had plenty of meetings all over LA with studios and networks.

i encourage everyone to take the time to write and register something; TRY. it's a noble effort to make an attempt at something you like.

Dude. It's REALLY easy to write and register something. The registration is super easy. It's online. The writing of quality, yes, I agree, it's hard work.

and finally, no, this is not a cover letter, logline, pitch, script or synopsis. this is a treatment, which is a broader overview of the project and a document which accompanies those things.

sorry it's not compelling to you, but i find your criticism... well... not compelling. i think the allegory and characters will sit well with modern audiences. especially when the series that it morphs into is a raking a quarter million box office worldwide.

A quarter million box office? 250,000 dollars isn't very much. That's like... you can't even make a TV show for that. Do you mean quarter of a BILLION? 250 million dollars... that's about how much Into Darkness cost to make and advertise.

yes, i meant a quarter billion.

and it was no trouble at all to accumulate and outline 188 stories. do a little federation history research as hobby. none of this will turn out scrap, i can guarantee that. i've accounted for multiple potentialities, as stated, including novelization, and wherever i can take it. i can get this product licensed, it's just in superposition what medium it is presented

this has been a 'free time' project, and a joy to work on, regardless of outcome. it's prepared me for other cinematic projects, by learning teleplay format/storytelling and through making the connections, whilst i've been shopping it.

i'll make the largest effort i can, with the most leverage i have, to earn the role of showrunner, but i'm not that naive. i have names in mind in such a scenario. in fact, they are necessary.

and like i said to Buzzkill... show me yours or show me something better.

the criticism in this thread has basically amounted to equivocation, without review of the material.

and have some positivity folks (or at least constructive criticism). debbie downers, the lot of you, thus far lol

glad i've gotten my encouragement elsewhere

 

[zekkie]

That and about four dollars will buy you a double tall mocha at Starbucks.

show me yours, or show me one better, Buzzkill.

If I'm not mistaken he did write an episode of Next Generation.... that sounds pretty darn good...

then i intend to outdo him, by about 40 Emmy's. (noms, anyway)

what's his name, and what episode? i might have him on my writer invite list.

 

[SeerSGB]

in re: the previous time line... if a showrunner can present an idea that makes that issue irrelevant (meaning knowledge of the franchise and care for continuity while delivering quality material) it doesn't matter to 'new fans', while it appeases the 'old fans'.

Your treatment seems to spend quite a bit of energy talking about it, so I assumed it was a selling point. If not, why mention it at all ?



"Reconciles" ? Time was changed. There's nothing to reconciled: it's different now. And that is most definitely a fan perspective. Most viewers, and the studio, wouldn't care for that.

APRIL was the first captain of the Enterprise, and COLT was his yeoman.

This was never stated in canon, mind you.

the timeline can be reconciled. it's called inventive storytelling.
it involves the eventual use of Sarpedion as a plot device and that's all i can articulate.

APRIL was the first captain of the Enterprise.

that was the only thing of TAS that was accepted as actual canon. the rest of the characters are from the memory alpha and beta 'continuities' which i hope to bring into the franchise canon 'whole'. a stated objective in the treatment.

COLT's first posting within this expanded continuity--mind you, Trek licensed and paid for novels, etc--was under his command.

Not in the old canon's he's not the 1st Captain. We don't know if there is a Captain before Pike or not. It was never established in anything but TAS--which is take it or leave it in terms of canon. He's status in the new canon is wishy-washy, easily ignored; seeing as Pike was established at the first CO of the 1701.

In short: Why should anyone care about April outside the hardline fans.

 

[Maurice]

Just FYI to any with interest: anyone can register a script with the WGA (all you need is an internet connection and the $25 registration fee), even non-members. All that means is that you have proof that you created it in the highly unlikely event someone were to steal it, unless you a Guild Member, in which case you can ask them to go to bat for you.

I skimmed the initial post, and I must say I hope this isn't an actual pitch document, because if so, it's not compelling. It's much too concerned with minutia that no TV exec is going to care about instead of leading with, "this is the show, these are the characters, there are the types of stories we'll be telling and here's why it'll be a success."

i appreciate criticism, but not veiled attempts at trying to paint me as a hack who has $25.

There was nothing veiled there. If I were going to attack or impune you, there'd be no question I was doing so. I was explaining to others how the registration process works.

My only additional comment: anyone who puts their creative work out for public consumption should expect and accept that not everyone is going to like it.

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

show me yours, or show me one better, Buzzkill.

Why don't you simply explain where exactly I'm mistaken?

One gives the WGA some money and one uploads one's document. This establishes proof for Guild purposes that the document existed in that state on that date.

Why did you think that posting your document registration number established anything else of interest?

You're not invited to "invite" me to anything.

i appreciate criticism, but not veiled attempts at trying to paint me as a hack who has $25.

Here, this isn't veiled: your proposals here establish you as a not very interesting writer, and your registration number if valid establishes that at some point you had twenty-five dollars.

 

[Professor Zoom]

zekkie, I'm not going to respond to most of your reply. It's not necessary. I don't have anything to prove to you. Mostly, I just wanted it clear to others, that some of the things you are saying (registration) aren't true and how you are going about it doesn't show an understanding of how the business works.

the criticism in this thread has basically amounted to equivocation, without review of the material.

But, this isn't true. I've specifically asked is the tone like Benson or Parks and Rec... and you haven't answered.

then i intend to outdo him, by about 40 Emmy's. (noms, anyway)

what's his name, and what episode? i might have him on my writer invite list.

Why don't you ask him his name... he's in this thread...

 

[Amaris]

it amazes me that i must say so...

but there is little need to be rude or antagonistic here...

i'm not trying to be anyone's Braga, but i have every intention of producing this series. (as evidenced by a treatment)

i also have created a series bible and 4 episode pilot arc script, and have 188 stories fully outlined (which are not being shared until i get the ok to do so).

Good luck.

 

[zekkie]

Your treatment seems to spend quite a bit of energy talking about it, so I assumed it was a selling point. If not, why mention it at all ?



"Reconciles" ? Time was changed. There's nothing to reconciled: it's different now. And that is most definitely a fan perspective. Most viewers, and the studio, wouldn't care for that.



This was never stated in canon, mind you.

the timeline can be reconciled. it's called inventive storytelling.
it involves the eventual use of Sarpedion as a plot device and that's all i can articulate.

APRIL was the first captain of the Enterprise.

that was the only thing of TAS that was accepted as actual canon. the rest of the characters are from the memory alpha and beta 'continuities' which i hope to bring into the franchise canon 'whole'. a stated objective in the treatment.

COLT's first posting within this expanded continuity--mind you, Trek licensed and paid for novels, etc--was under his command.

Not in the old canon's he's not the 1st Captain. We don't know if there is a Captain before Pike or not. It was never established in anything but TAS--which is take it or leave it in terms of canon. He's status in the new canon is wishy-washy, easily ignored; seeing as Pike was established at the first CO of the 1701.

In short: Why should anyone care about April outside the hardline fans.

like i said, this encompasses the expanded continuity of licensed productions. and i'm not writing, necessarily, for appeal to hardliners, though i would like it to pass their inspection in terms of detail and appreciation of the franchise universe. my aims are a 20 million weekly Nielsen. and sell lots of cars.

but most importantly get a lot of talented writers/directors/crew Emmy noms.

in this expanded continuity April & Company have a ton to do with young Kirk and Spock (in a sense, making sure they survive to adult hood, re: stuff like Tarsus IV). not to mention, their role as the first crew of the Enterprise.

this series is a vehicle to tell the story of Kirk and Spock, if folks will read beyond a couple paragraphs.

 

[SeerSGB]

Just FYI to any with interest: anyone can register a script with the WGA (all you need is an internet connection and the $25 registration fee), even non-members. All that means is that you have proof that you created it in the highly unlikely event someone were to steal it, unless you a Guild Member, in which case you can ask them to go to bat for you.

I skimmed the initial post, and I must say I hope this isn't an actual pitch document, because if so, it's not compelling. It's much too concerned with minutia that no TV exec is going to care about instead of leading with, "this is the show, these are the characters, there are the types of stories we'll be telling and here's why it'll be a success."

i appreciate criticism, but not veiled attempts at trying to paint me as a hack who has $25.

There was nothing veiled there. If I were going to attack or impune you, there'd be no question I was doing so. I was explaining to others how the registration process works.

My only additional comment: anyone who puts their creative work out for public consumption should expect and accept that not everyone is going to like it.

Emphasis mine:

This is why it's frowned on a lot of times (most the time) to release stuff to the wild before it's in production or on shelves. You've already poisoned the well by gaining negative comments and reviews towards the work in question and now have an existing bias that can affect the marketing or even getting it sold. It's bad business and more that a bit unprofessional to jump online and say "look at my super cool ideal".

the timeline can be reconciled. it's called inventive storytelling.
it involves the eventual use of Sarpedion as a plot device and that's all i can articulate.

APRIL was the first captain of the Enterprise.

that was the only thing of TAS that was accepted as actual canon. the rest of the characters are from the memory alpha and beta 'continuities' which i hope to bring into the franchise canon 'whole'. a stated objective in the treatment.

COLT's first posting within this expanded continuity--mind you, Trek licensed and paid for novels, etc--was under his command.

Not in the old canon's he's not the 1st Captain. We don't know if there is a Captain before Pike or not. It was never established in anything but TAS--which is take it or leave it in terms of canon. He's status in the new canon is wishy-washy, easily ignored; seeing as Pike was established at the first CO of the 1701.

In short: Why should anyone care about April outside the hardline fans.

like i said, this encompasses the expanded continuity of licensed productions. and i'm not writing, necessarily, for appeal to hardliners, though i would like it to pass their inspection in terms of detail and appreciation of the franchise universe. my aims are a 20 million weekly Nielsen. and sell lots of cars.

but most importantly get a lot of talented writers/directors/crew Emmy noms.

in this expanded continuity April & Company have a ton to do with young Kirk and Spock (in a sense, making sure they survive to adult hood, re: stuff like Tarsus IV). not to mention, their role as the first crew of the Enterprise.

this series is a vehicle to tell the story of Kirk and Spock, if folks will read beyond a couple paragraphs.

Bold part: You've done last your viewers.

I'm John Doe public. I'm flipping through On-Demand. I see "Star Trek". Hey, I liked the movies, why not. I see April and Colt? Who the fuck are these guys? Where's Kirk, where's Spock. I don't read the comics, don't read the novels, and the most I game is COD or WOW. Why the shit do I care that some character from the comics/books is in the show.

People want Star Trek, and to the pop-culture that's Kirk and Spock. We tried a prequel, it was called Enterprise it failed. You're not going to pull 20 million with Apirl and Colt.

 

[zekkie]

in the most basic sense, hating on this treatment without valid warranted criticism, is hating on the expanded continuity. all i'm presenting is the anthology of the Enterprise, leading up to Kirk.

hating the characters? you're hating someone else's licensed, published Trek novel, game, or comic (or throw-away-line-history) (specifically, Gene Roddenberry's ;D)

 

[zekkie]

show me yours, or show me one better, Buzzkill.

Why don't you simply explain where exactly I'm mistaken?

One gives the WGA some money and one uploads one's document. This establishes proof for Guild purposes that the document existed in that state on that date.

Why did you think that posting your document registration number established anything else of interest?

i appreciate criticism, but not veiled attempts at trying to paint me as a hack who has $25.

Here, this isn't veiled: your posts here establish you as a not very interesting writer, and your registration number if valid establishes that at some point you had twenty-five dollars.

You're not invited to "invite" me to anything.

well excuse me, Mr.
i'm not inviting you to anything, like you said.

"not interesting" to this crowd of trolls, perhaps.

sorry it met your field of vision, sir.

like i've said, i've gotten my encouragement elsewhere.

not sure what your problem is, but keep attacking if you will.

 

[zekkie]

it amazes me that i must say so...

but there is little need to be rude or antagonistic here...

i'm not trying to be anyone's Braga, but i have every intention of producing this series. (as evidenced by a treatment)

i also have created a series bible and 4 episode pilot arc script, and have 188 stories fully outlined (which are not being shared until i get the ok to do so).

Good luck.

thank you. it's greatly appreciated.

 

[zekkie]

But, this isn't true. I've specifically asked is the tone like Benson or Parks and Rec... and you haven't answered.

[/QUOTE]

either or. take your pick. it's not static. it's a workplace comedy like mentioned. and both of those shows have plenty of parallels. it's also a little like Firefly, Farscape, Wonderfalls, and few other shows by the scenarios they encounter, but it's mostly Star Trek.
[/QUOTE]

 

[SeerSGB]

in the most basic sense, hating on this treatment without valid warranted criticism, is hating on the expanded continuity. all i'm presenting is the anthology of the Enterprise, leading up to Kirk.

hating the characters? you're hating someone else's licensed, published Trek novel, game, or comic (or throw-away-line-history) (specifically, Gene Roddenberry's ;D)

If I was an average viewer: Why do I give a shit. Why do I care about the EU, Continuity, the timelines. I want my Kirk and Spock, and Uhura in a short skirt/Kirk in a ripped shirt (depends on the viewer), I don't care about EU and Continuity, I want more of the movies.

Is that whole little spiel suppose to make me feel bad? Cause what I'm seeing in that is just more "Love my fanwank ideals or your're not a real fan"

 

[Professor Zoom]

"not interesting" to this crowd of trolls, perhaps.

What were you expecting? Seriously. Because what you asked was, what do you think? And you got a lot of what people thought. And you don't like it. Why would you, it's not saying how great it is. But, then, you did post in on a bulletin board on the net and invited criticism. Of which there HAS BEEN, but, because you don't like it, it's trolling... If you are this thinned skinned as a writer HERE, its gonna be hard in the professional world...

Listen, honestly, if you want a career as a professional TV writer, I do, honestly, wish you the best. But, how you are going about it right now, isn't professional. You won't be taken seriously.

Honestly, if you have NO TV experience those that ACTUALLY matter won't even look at this.

If you have written a really great ORIGINAL pilot, maybe you can get an agent or a manager and they can get you meetings and SOMEDAY you can get this idea made... after you have made some great TV.

Have you written an original pilot? Or a spec of an existing show?

But, this isn't true. I've specifically asked is the tone like Benson or Parks and Rec... and you haven't answered.

either or. take your pick. it's not static. it's a workplace comedy like mentioned. and both of those shows have plenty of parallels. it's also a little like Firefly, Farscape, Wonderfalls, and few other shows by the scenarios they encounter, but it's mostly Star Trek.

That's not a great answer when an exec asks you what the tone of the show is like. "It's either or..." No. They want to KNOW what is YOUR vision. What do YOU think it should be? And not static, what does that even mean? It's going to change from week to week? So one week the humor is one thing and then the next it's another? How would an audience stick with it... WHY would an audience stick with it if it's going to keep changing every week?

Firefly, Farscape, Wonderfalls, again, all three have VERY different tones.

To me, it sounds like you don't have a clear vision of what the show is going to be like, certainly not tonally. Pick one.

 

[Maurice]

like i've said, i've gotten my encouragement elsewhere.

In short: You want approbation. You're not open to the concept that the work might be flawed or could be improved.