VOY Caption Contest 81; How The Mighty Have Fallen!!!

[Ln X]

Another day, another caption contest. Hope you liked the last one, and now:

The importance-of-crew-morale award goes to:

Janeway: "Sorry, Mr. Neelix. Since we lost the port shields, only crewmen on the "essential or attractive" list are permitted on deck six - go right through, Mr. Tuvok - the rest must do without radiation shielding for a while. Don't feel bad - your duties as morale officer will be quite essential back here, I assure you".

///

Our ready room shenanigans award goes to:

Doctor: Let me guess, *points to Chakotay* your hips feel like they've been run over by a pack of Ferengi *points to Janeway* and your back hurts like you were drop kicked by a Klingon Targ? Yet another entry in the "Ready Room Romps".

///

The mistaken identities award goes to:

Sontar-Huh?

///

Some catsuit mania here:

Janeway: C'mon! No one needs to know...loan me one of your catsuits.
Seven: But Captain, I do not think my...I do not think your...May I wear one of your uniforms, then?
Janeway: Deal! Meet me in holodeck one!

///

The Doctor's dilemma award goes to:

It was the night of the prom and the Doctor was left with a dilema who to take as his date; the alian with the big bum or a drunk Seven of Nine?

///

Here is the special winning caption:

Alien #1: "I hear we're to be featured on the Trek BBS Caption Contest-isn't that great?!?"

Alien #2: "Dude, our heads look like butts-somehow I doubt this is going to work out in our favor."

And the photoshop award goes to:

NEELIX: But he'll blame me!

Plus a special tag caption award:

CHAKOTAY: So what happened?

JANEWAY: Torres asked Paris, if the new uniforms made her look fat.

EMH: He said yes.

Chakotay: Is he still breathing?

EMH: Barely.

///
///
///
///
///

Everyone has their low moments, our heroes no less:

Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Neelix: It smells horrible but I thought the putrid stench might help to end your coma!

One commander, one captain, one planet...

Hirogen: That right elbow is still to high...

Kim: Oh crap! I er... didn't notice the sensor readings telling me this beast was devouring us!
Janeway: My I suggest next time ensign you stop fantasying about woman?

Doctor: We're having this for lunch?
Crell Moset: Wise Cardassian man once said; to know something is to eat it.

 

[Nerys Myk]

NEELIX: It's an old Talaxian custom to exchange flowers after sex.

Tuvok bolts upright in bed.

TUVOK: Wait...what!!!!!???

SEVEN: You'd so better not be looking down my top!

KIM: That's gonna leave a mark!

JANEWAY: Do you even watch the show?

CARDASSIAN: Can you save him doctor? I've had him since I was a boy.

 

[R. Star]

Neelix: I saved one of those flowers that caused that whole Tuvix thing just to annoy everyone.

Seven years without in the Delta Quadrant lowered Chakotay's standards in women.

Seven: This it outrageous. I've been on this show three years and I'm still being paraded around in skin tight outfits and used only for eye candy! Teach me how to take revenge!

Neelix: What does this button do?

Doctor: Didn't anyone tell Ensign Kim not to use that Warp 10 shuttle?

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Thanks for the win.

His only calling card, a pink orchid. Thus, with no evidence as to his true identity, he was known only as...the Pink Orchid Killer.

Tuvok (who was thought to be asleep): "I see my hypothesis was correct. Leaving my extracted wisdom tooth under the pillow does indeed attract the Tooth Fairy regardless of my current age. Unsurprisingly, Mr. Neelix is the Tooth Fairy, befitting his overly cheerful and gratingly obsessive personality".

Neelix: "...Your brain's still a bit fuzzy from the anesthetic, isn't it Tuvok?"

Overseer Janeway: "This planet will make a fine coffee plantation. Beam down the Kazon slaves".

"We've been swallowed by a Budong".

"I guess that means Farscape got the Dream Aliens or the Macrovirus. I hope it isn't too sensible for them."

Doctor: "Locked onto the captain's signature, you said. Does this look like the captain to you?"

Moset: "...It may be that what I thought read "pit stop" may in fact have read "pet shop".

 

[Nerys Myk]

DOCTOR: Yeah, I took it off Torres' forehead. Turns out all Klingons are smoothheads.

 

[Velocity]

DOCTOR: Ensign Kim asked for help in getting promoted, so I found this spine for him...

 

[Violet.Phoenix]

Thanks for the win!

Neelix: Now if that fly on you nose will just stay still, Mr. Vulcan, we will pretend that this never happened.

Janeway: Chakotay... break out the axes, there's coffee in that forest!

Hirogen: Good, you are ready to enter the Matrix.

Seven: Neo won't know what hit him.

Janeway: And this is why you never allow Q to get bored.

Q: Oh but Kathy, don't you think this adds a little spark to the place?

Cardassian: I went looking for our beginning... and I think I found our end.

Doctor: You've been watching Prometheus again, haven't you?

 

[TommyR01D]

Crell Moset: Why exactly do I have to do this?
EMH: You remember the rules, dangerous testing on Bajoran prisoners means you have to stay here and help prepare Neelix's new desserts.

 

[TrickyDickie]

EMH: "Why is the ambassador dead?!?"

Moset: "He raised a white flag, I found out that it was a treacherous false flag, so I sprayed him with some Black Flag."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Janeway: "Do you think that those hills look like my boobs?"

Chakotay: "You've been playing 'mirror, mirror, on the wall' again, haven't you?"

 

[TrickyDickie]

Russ: "I'm not Nimoy and you're definitely not Jill Ireland, so don't even try me!"

 

[TrickyDickie]

Hirogen: "Aren't those five elderly people going to miss the cushioned tips off their canes?"

Seven: "Don't worry....they're actually from blackboard pointers."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Kim: " 'The thunder rolls....and the lightnin' strikes.' "

Janeway: "Dammit Harry, you know I hate country!"

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the co-win!

Neelix: It's the flower you used to make me go into a Severe Allergic Reaction. I thought it would make you feel better. Oh... No...

Janeway: Janeway to Voyager. What do you mean "We can't spare the Coffeemaker?!"

Hirogen: What do you see?

Seven: UPN.

Hirogen: And what do you to UPN?

Seven: Hunt it down and Kill it.

Captain's Log: The Good News is, we found our way home. The Bad News is, we're in New Jersey.

The Doctor: You know, we could've just looked through a microscope at the parasite, we didn't have to turn it into MegaParasite to get a better look at it.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Don't worry, Mr. Vulcan, the Doctor has been training me to fill in as his nurse. Now, did he say to scan you with the medical tricorder or with the violets? I think he said the violets."

"You know, Kathryn, we're going to be down here for the rest of our lives, and I'm going to get this out in the open. That bun of yours drives me wild and your smoker's rasp of a voice is like the singing of angels."

Seven: Intriguing. I know Kung Fu.

Hirogen: Show me.

"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits warp 8.8, you're gonna see some serious shit."

 

[Mistral]

Thanks for the win!-Mistral

Moset: "Is this what you Earthlings call a duck?"

EMH: "Ah-no."

 

[R. Star]

The Doctor: You know, we could've just looked through a microscope at the parasite, we didn't have to turn it into MegaParasite to get a better look at it.

Moset: Worry not Doctor, I actually adjusted our holographic matrices. We've been shrunk to subatomic porportions.

 

[Eydie Munroe]

Neelix: Mr. Vulcan, I realize this might be a bad time, but you promised we could spend the night together, and well...I'm horny as hell.

Chakotay: Kathryn, no matter how much you watch the sky, the Starbucks delivery shuttle won't be coming back until tomorrow when he's scheduled to.

Seven: We must go that way.
Hirogen: Why?
Seven: Because if you don't, I'm going to knock your block off.

Chakotay must be driving again...

Doctor: You know, if you just cleaned the place a little more often, you wouldn't get any silverfish.

 

[Leviathan]

Moset: ...are you gonna eat that?