VOY Caption Contest 80; Mission Improbable!

[Ln X]

Hope you had a good time captioning last week, and to shake things up a little:

Our winners are:

Janeway: What the hell is wrong with his lip? It wasn't like that when he came on board. Dammit, medical emergency! Doctor! Report to the conference room! 'The gerbil has escaped the cage!'

Doctor: Acknowledged. I'll bring the anti-fungal cream.

Alien: I see no gerbil.

Paris: Gerbil is code for 'terrible reaction to Leola root stew.'

///

"Oh, stop staring like that, Torres. Like YOU'VE never . . . appropriated . . . an Ensign's arm when you really needed a backscratcher."

///

Janeway: I'm flushing that Irish village program. Mr. Paris's Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll program is much more stimulating. Tuvok! More cow bell!!

///

JANEWAY: Tom, Tom, Tom. You've got to stop reading those message boards.
You aren't nor have you ever been someone called "Nick Locarno".

PARIS: Okay, thanks Captain.

JANEWAY (thinking ): Better call the Doctor, Nick needs a new treatment.

///

Kim: (offscreen) Good morning, Captain. How are y-

///

Here is the special winning caption:

"Clearly this cube has sustained heavy damage. Neither the fog machine or the strobe mechanism are functional."

And the photoshop award goes to:

CHAKOTAY: We've got to pull back, Captain!

JANEWAY: Negative, Commander. We will hold this position till the last drop....er...man!

///
///
///
///
///

With that out of the way, here are some more pictures to be captioned:

Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Janeway: Neelix, if I told you once I've told you a thousand times; NO LEOLA ROOT STEW!!!

Janeway: Doctor if you want to be in command you've really got to learn how to hold yourself upright!

An alien crew watching Janeway 'dressing down' Chakotay...

Seven: May I suggest captain you read the Janeway/7 fan fic?
Janeway: Are you hinting at something?

Alien on the left: Doctor, if you could ignore Seven's flirtations for just one moment, I have something important to tell you...

 

[Nerys Myk]

ALIEN: Sontaran??? Who are you calling a Sontaran?

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

What Americans think we'll look like in the 24th century.

What we'll really look like.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Thanks for the double win!

"First Contact is very important in the Federation. I want to make sure we do this right. You have experience with this race, Neelix. So, a five second blast of flatulence is the typical greeting?"

"Right. I would suggest to avoid sharting. That signifies the females willingness to mate."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Alien on left: "We're fired?!"

Alien on right: "Well...I sort of assumed there wasn't anyone at the Hierarchy. I mean, it just says "yes" or "no" to everything, right? Seemingly at random? I thought it was a computer. So...I was bored and I asked it a few questions".

Alien behind them: "Such as?"

Alien on right: "You know those rumours about the primarch's parentage? I just wanted to see if it said yes or not. It...didn't".

Janeway: "Sorry, Mr. Neelix. Since we lost the port shields, only crewmen on the "essential or attractive" list are permitted on deck six - go right through, Mr. Tuvok - the rest must do without radiation shielding for a while. Don't feel bad - your duties as morale officer will be quite essential back here, I assure you".

 

[T'Girl]

Alien One: Explain it again.

Alien Two: Spread your fingers and push your hand together like this.

Alien One: Uhhhh, then what?

Alien Two: Put your thumbs adjacent, and rotate them.

Alien One: Damn these Humans and their complex "twittling the thumbs" game.

 

[Violet.Phoenix]

Janeway: Now, Neelix, whatever you do, don't mention our little "furry" problem on Deck 8.

Neelix: I'm sorry about my pet furflies, Captain. They just... wanted to spread their wings a bit.

Janeway: Furflies?! I was talking about the tribbles! But now that you mention it, when did you start breeding those little things?

Doctor: Let me guess, *points to Chakotay* your hips feel like they've been run over by a pack of Ferengi *points to Janeway* and your back hurts like you were drop kicked by a Klingon Targ? Yet another entry in the "Ready Room Romps".

Alien #1: I never realized that human entertainment could be so horrific.

Alien #2: Vile, isn't it? The laguage, the indecency, the tone of their flesh.

Alien #1: How can it be so orange?

Alien #2: These inhabitants of the "Jersey Shore" are a most disturbing species.

Janeway; Seven, what was that?

Seven: Pardon me, Captain. I believe my digestive system is having a reaction to lunch.

Janeway: And that was...

Seven: Something that Mr. Neelix called "Leola Root Surprise". I wonder if this was meant to be part of the surprise.

Janeway: Oh no...

Alien: I've added some additional subroutines to your program to make you more appealing.

Doctor: When I said "appealing", this isn't what I meant. She's been trying to eat my ear for the last twenty minutes. I'm a Doctor, not a side dish!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Janeway's schedule was so busy, she had to conduct her singing lessons on the fly.

The Doctor: I'm in trouble again, aren't I?

Janeway: You know it's trouble when Chakotay and I both have our hands on our hips.

Hierarchy Leader: The Hierarchy demands your supplies!

Janeway: (offscreen) No. Screen off!

Hierarchy Leader: So what do we do now?

Other Hierarchy: Uhhh....

Seven: Captain, is it really necessary to listen to this?

Janeway: Shhh.... Tom and B'Elanna appear to have a great lovemaking technique...

The Doctor: You know, this was a great daydream until you came along!

 

[LeadHead]

Computer: Today's Space Lottery Numbers are...

 

[NotLKH]

The Doctor: Now, bring your knees in tight

Kim: But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane

Bridge: Let's do the Time Warp again!

 

[LeadHead]

The Doctor: Now, put your hands on your hips. Ah-ha! I didn't say Simon Says.

 

[Velocity]

Janeway: C'mon! No one needs to know...loan me one of your catsuits.
Seven: But Captain, I do not think my...I do not think your...May I wear one of your uniforms, then?
Janeway: Deal! Meet me in holodeck one!

 

[Nerys Myk]

NEELIX: But he'll blame me!

 

[Bob Karo]

Sontar-Huh?

 

[Schistocerca]

Janeway: Neelix, you did pack the one that is this big?

The doctor's instruction of the senior crew in the Alexander technique was a great asset for long hours sat on the bridge without a tinkle break!

"Your right! You can clearly see in this image that our uniforms DO make our bums look big!"

Seven: Nice shoes! Crocodile?
Janeway: I'm not wearing shoes!!!

It was the night of the prom and the Doctor was left with a dilema who to take as his date; the alian with the big bum or a drunk Seven of Nine?

 

[Mistral]

Alien #1: "I hear we're to be featured on the Trek BBS Caption Contest-isn't that great?!?"

Alien #2: "Dude, our heads look like butts-somehow I doubt this is going to work out in our favor."

 

[Mistral]

Janeway: "Ok, Neelix, we want to be polite to our guests but this time-do NOT offer coffee! Politeness only goes so far."

 

[Eydie Munroe]

Janeway: Neelix, I don't care how they do things on Talax. On Voyager, it's considered rude to follow Tuvok around and grab his ass every time he breathes.

Doctor: Really Captain, have you no discretion? Why would you tell a random alien woman that Chakotay here would do anything for a Klondike bar?
Janeway: Doctor, mind your own business.
Harry: Captain, that video link you wanted is established and ready to transmit to your quarters...
Janeway; Shut up, Harry!

Alien #1: Good GOD! What are those people doing?
Alien #2: They're hidious!
Alien #3: Still strangely compelling...
Alien #4: Stop watching "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" and get back to work!

Seven (to Doctor): Why don't you come back to my place and let me plug you into my alcove? It will blow your mind!
Alien: Excuse me, I'm looking for directions to the br...
Doctor: Get the hell out of here!

 

[LeadHead]

Seven: Tell me more about your giant holo-processor...

Alien: Oh, brother.