VOY Caption Contest 77; Miss Turtlehead; B'elanna Torres!

[Ln X]

Thank you to all who captioned, and now:

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Janeway: Look Commander, I'm as kinky as the next girl, but I don't do feathers.
Chakotay: How do you feel about whipped cream and leather?

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Janeway: Except for Chakotay, anybody who finds the nearest Starbucks gets a promotion.

Paris: Too bad Harry isn't here.

Chakotay: Why do you think we didn't bring the poor bastard?

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Seven: This costume is inadequate. I demand something more sufficient.

Janeway: Oh you'll get 'sufficient' all right.

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Janeway: Now if you press this button and this button and give your thumb scan here I can get room service paid for by you.

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Janeway: Seven... if I catch you looking at my gluteus maximus one more time...
Seven: Then I suggest you stop standing within my line of sight, Captain. I am only a deborgified human, afterall.

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Doctor: Captain, Michael Sullivan just came to see me in Confession, and told me some very interesting details about your sexual escapades. He said something about whipped cream and leather?
Janeway: Oh god...

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Janeway: Trust me, Sweetheart, if she LIKED bald ... she'd be hanging out with our EMH a lot more than she does with me.

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Next up that bonus pic:

"As I recall, Mr. Paris said this film was made by one of history's greatest directors... a man who had artistic integrity and a sense of style other filmmakers could only dream of having... I believe he said the fellow's name was... Michael Bay."

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This one had be laughing hard!!!

7 of 9: Now captain you stand in the corner for five minutes and think about what you did. You must ask permission before pressing buttons.

Next up our photoshop award goes to:

*zap*
Janeway: I hate this movie.

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Next up we have B'elanna Torres. She will be remembered for her fiery temper, engineering skill, and catching the eye of Tom Paris. Here are the pictures to be captioned:

This contest will close on the 7th of May! May the captioning begin!

 

[Ln X]

Tom: Why B'elanna? Why do you always pose in such sexy ways in front of me?
B'elanna: Don't flatter yourself, I've got cramp!

B'elanna: No Seven I will not explore humanoid mating behaviour with you! Try it on Harry instead!

Klingon: You must eat the balls of a Targ!
B'elanna: I thought that was the heart of a Targ?
Klingon: This is the option for wimps!

B'elanna: No Harry, we may be the only two surviving crew members but I'm not going to promote you!

B'elanna: Tom I need to tell you something...
Tom: What is it?
B'elanna: I can't go through this with because I'm seeing someone else.
Tom: Who is it?
B'elanna: Erm... Seven of Nine.

Janeway: And as punishment for blatant fraternization, I want you doctor to remove all her sexual organs!

B'elanna: God, where's the bathroom to this place?

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

"What do you mean my head and your back match? Is that some kind of Borg joke?!"

 

[Violet.Phoenix]

Thanks for the win!

B'Elanna: Paint me like one of your French girls.

This week on Hell's Kitchen: Klingon Edition... B'Elanna learns the true meaning of 'eat your heart out.'

B'Elanna: Tom?

Tom: Yeah?

B'Elanna: Your hands are cold. I thought you said that there were no side effects of that lizard incident.

B'Elanna: Whaddya know... Tom Cruise ended up in here too.

 

[JanewayRulz!]

Thanks for the win!

B'Elanna: Do I LOOK like the kind of girl who'd fall for that old "running out of dilithium fuel" gag????

B'Elanna: Soooo, Seven. Expecting any further visits from the "Son of K'vok"?
Seven: None that I'm aware of, Lieutenant.
B'Elanna: Hmmm. Pity.

B'Elanna: Look... I don't care how long you slaved over the stove... after 7 years on Voyager I've learned NOT to eat food that moves as I swallow it!

B'Elanna: Janeway's gonna kick your ass, Harry, when she sees what you did to her ship. You'll never get promoted now!

Janeway: DO you, B'Elanna... take Tom to be your husband, to have and to hold forsaking all others... for the rest of your life?
B'Elanna: uhhhh
Tom: Uhhhh????
B'Elanna: Seven? About K'vok?
Seven: He's NOT coming back, Torres... DEAL with it!
B'Elanna: Shit... I mean... I Do!

EMH: This is wayyy better than those Xray glasses they used to sell in the back of the comic books!

B'Elanna: K'vok? Is that you???? Finally!

 

[david lowbridge]

Thanks for the win

Tom: We're lost
B'elanna: What do you mean we're lost? The sat nav said take the second star on the right and straight on to morning.

B'elanna: I could be sexy too, if they gave me tighter clothing like you, I was blond like you, they removed my head ridges, if I didn't have such an angry face all the time and cross my arms like this...

In season 7 Nelix went to extraordinary lengths to get the crew to eat his food - Klingon waiters.

B'elanna: Harry if you want a promotion you better help me clean up this mess before the Captain gets back.

B'elanna: You may have had kids with the Captain, you may have gotten it together with a woman who tried to frame you for murder, you may have tried to get it on with a 1 year old Ocampa and you may have fallen in love with a ship with a personality disorder, but hell I love you.
Tom: When you put it like that I am going for the wrong women, perhaps I should reconsider marrying you.

Janeway: I warned you Lieutenant, that if you programmed my replicator once more to give me Earl grey instead of coffee I would shove a mug of the stuff where the sun don't shine.

B'elanna: God, where did the sat nav send us? I only wanted to go to West End.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Klingon: "Yes, that's right. We offer you....a cookie. *Snigger*. You'll find no blood or organs here; we are well aware of your delicate human sensibilities. *Grins*

B'Elanna: "I never thought I'd say this, but I prefer you when you're snarling and aggressive".

B'Elanna: "Look, we've got three hours until the day shift starts. I'll clean the place up, wipe the logs, no-one has to know. B'Elanna's Experimental Gel Pack Enhancer never saw use. Oh, and I'll need to eliminate witnesses, sorry Harry. Computer, beam Ensign Kim into space".

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"All right, B'Elanna... I just gotta know... does the carpet match the forehead?"

"I do not see the need for anger, Lieutenant. 'That's what she said' is an acceptable response when you demand that I reinsert the dilithium back into your intermix chamber."

"In your next data stream to the Alpha Quadrant, inform Mr. Tostino that his pizza rolls bring honor to his family."

 

[Mistral]

Torres: "Fine, Ms. Smarty Pants! Drop the magnet shielding-see if I care!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Klingon street mimes tended to have a short life.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TORRES: There, I just proved I can pilot with my feet better than
you can with your hands.

TORRES: I just said I miss Kes. It's not really about you.

TORRES: Fried Tribble! That sure brings back some memories of me
and mom in the kitchen.

TORRES: Why is the bridge always a mess after your shift. Harry?

TOM: Could we skip the whole "speak now or forever hold you're peace" line?

Audible sigh from the guests.

JANEWAY: What are you doing, Tom?

TOM: Heh, when she wakes up she's gonna be in love with me.

TORRES: Can't you see? I'm black on the left side and he's black on the right!

 

[Eydie Munroe]

Thanks for the double win!

Paris: And then I was voted Most Handsome Man at the New Zealand penal colony.
Torres: Um, Paris...you do realize that it was men that were voting for you, right?

Torres: So you're telling me that the Collective owns a time-share in Boca Raton?
Seven: Yes. We have a regular retreat there every January.
Torres: Why didn't you say so before?
Seven: If you bring new people, you have to sit through the presentation again. It is an irrelevant use of time.

Torres: What is it?
Klingon: Qo'noS oysters. *snicker*
Torres: Mmm. Sounds interes-- Hey, wait a minute! Where's that targ that was here earlier?!

Janeway: Do you promise to love, honour and cherish her? To not to eat the last piece of pizza, to pick up your socks and to put the toilet seat down?
Paris: I do.
Janeway: Do you promise to stay by her, to make her burden lighter, that her needs will come first...
Paris: What? Whose vows are these, anyway?
Chakotay: Kathryn, can I talk to you for a minute...?

Janeway: What's he scanning for?
Paris: The last piece of pizza. B'Elanna tried to tell me she didn't eat it.
Janeway: You need to get a life, Tom.

Torres: Why is there a giant boulder rolling this way??

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Kim: So what do you think they're going to do for their honeymoon? A Captain Proton simulation? Maybe one of the Nicholas Sparks holonovels?

Chakotay: Doubtful. I hear Seven of Nine gave them a little something special to spice up their honeymoon.

Doctor: If you and Mr. Paris had consulted me first, I could've told you that Borg technology enhancing orgasms is a myth. Borg nanoprobes and Klingon vaginas don't mix well anyway. Twenty nanoprobes down, three million to go!

 

[LeadHead]

Paris: For the last time, I'm not pulling over and asking for directions!

B'Elanna: Tom, we just entered the Andromeda Galaxy!

Paris: One more wormhole and we'll be back in the Delta Quadrant!

B'Elanna: Why are you assimilating the control panel?

Seven: I'm making everyone and everything, including Engineering turn against you.

B'Elanna: An Italian Canape? Who programmed this?!

B'Elanna: Okay, so maybe I shouldn't drive...

Janeway: Do you two screwups, take each other in holy matrimony?

The Doctor: I've got good news and bad news. The good news is; you're pregnant!

B'Elanna: I can't believe it!

Tom: I'm so happy!

The Doctor: The bad news is: The father is Neelix's Leola Root Stew.

B'Elanna: The clubs always clear out when I bring out my bat'leth...

 

[Gil T.Azell]

TORRES: "I told Harry if he went near my daughter I'd feed him his nuts!"

Klingon: "Here you go."

 

[LeadHead]

B'Elanna: Soooo, your shortcut....

Tom: I've never seen Space Traffic this bad!

 

[Ln X]

This caption contest is closed.