Voyager Caption Contest #66: Paper or Plastic?

[Yeoman Randi]

Greetings fellow Voyagers! Time to bag up your purchases and announce da winnas!

So now we know what the Captain did on HER Friday nights!

The Doctor: Why, Captain! How good of you to join us for Adult Movie night.

Being Captain means never having to say you're sorry. Or something like that......

Janeway frequently shoved aliens into lockers at local high schools.

My mother never leaves HER place without HER makeup on!

Janeway knew it had been a bad idea to leave her quarters that morning without any makeup on.

This one was a close *Spew* contender:

The very latest in the Jane Seymour Open Eye collection.

Yep. Duly noted:

Tuvok: "You seem very tired, Captain."
Janeway: "Yes, I haven't been getting much sleep lately."
Tuvok: "Yes, I've noticed you've been spending a great deal of your off-duty time in the holodeck, running programs of a decidedly adult nature."
Janeway: "You know, Tuvok, it is a wise security officer who knows when to mind his own business."
Tuvok: "Duly noted."

A great tag team effort that has to be recognized!

(OS) This is the high guard of the Coacan. We have detected coffee on your ship. Prepared to be boarded for coffee confiscation.

"Would Plan 'Don't You Even Think of Touching the Coffee, Alien Scum!'
be an appropriate course of action at this juncture, Captain?"
"Do it, Mr. Tuvok."

And today's coffee spew goes to this fabulous entry which made me snort like a Thanksgiving ham:

PARIS (whispering):Looks like Thanksgiving dinner is back on, spread the word.

Thank you to everyone who played and a hearty congratulations to da winnas! You're all the cream in my cawfee!

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And now for this evening's entertainment the curtain goes up on the following photos just waiting to be captioned:

As always i will let this brew for two weeks. Until then, have fun, set a course for home and engage!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"I look forward to following your career with great interest, Ensign K -- *starts sniggering* -- no, no sorry, I just couldn't get that out with a straight face..."

Tuvok: "Like, whatever, old man. I mean, you're wearing a beard. Logic dictates you're either an evil duplicate or a Human in a costume. The red colouration lends credence to the latter theory".

The true ending of "Blink of an Eye":

Gotana Retz: "You know, Captain, given how quickly my people progress, if you waited around just a few more days we'd probably have metatranswarp drive or something, and could get you home instantly. Why, give it a week and we could be ruling the galaxy!"

Janeway: "That's why I just launched all photon torpedoes and phaser banks at your planet. Sorry".

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

Guard: "You know, I'm actually really lucky to have this job. Every other prison I applied to rejected me once they found out about my extensive collection of women-in-prison movies."

Cavit: "Ah, a good, strong handshake! I predict you will go far, Ensign!"
Janeway and Paris (thinking): "Idiot."

 

[Finn]

Robbie: *thinking* I'm glad we are going with Beltran instead of this guy. He can't act!

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Gotana-Retz: "The Plot Hole Force will be with you, captain. Always."

B'elanna: "You gonna lower that forcefield?"

Guard: "Forcefield? Nahh, it's just fluorescent tubes."

B'elanna: "Wait, if it's not a forcefield, then what's the humming about?"

Guard: "Flourescent. Tubes."

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Mr. Kim, I can see you're a real straight-shooter. I'm going to mold you into the greatest officer to ever serve in Starfleet. I have a very detailed strategy right here in my noggin that'll get you on the fast track to command. ...I really need to write it down sometime. Maybe after we find this Maquis ship..."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Cavit: *thinking* I hope that SBD doesn't set off the the ships alarms

Paris: *thinking* thats what you get for eating Cajun style gagh.

Janeway: *thinking* OMG!

Kim: *thinking* Why is everyone looking at me funny like?

 

[M'Sharak]

"There's no sense in beating around the bush, Mr. Kim. I'm a pretty good
judge of character, if I do say so myself, and I like the cut of your jib."​

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Cavit: I'm sorry, Mr. Kim. You've clearly won Rock/Paper/Scissors too many times. I'm afraid I'm going to have to disqualify you.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Retz: I'm so glad we could get your ship out of orbit for you. Now, for the matter of the bill...

The Doctor: Computer, do I have any messages?

Computer: One Audio Message from Lieutenant Paris.

The Doctor: Play it.

Rick Astley: ..Never gonna give you up...

The Doctor: Not again.

Guard: We're keeping your character development in here for a few seasons. Don't worry, Chakotay, Tuvok, Paris, Kim and Neelix are right down the hall.

Cavit: Welcome aboard Mister Kim. I'm glad you're here, now I can spend more time at the helm hanging out with Lieutenant Stadi.

Vulcan Master: What is the formula for the volume of a sphere?

Tuvok: You know, in the past, we did these problems in huge schools.

Vulcan Master: It's a TV budget kid. Get used to it.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Guard: We're keeping your character development in here for a few seasons. Don't worry, Chakotay, Tuvok, Paris, Kim and Neelix are right down the hall.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Janeway: Why is the holoemitter stuck on Lost reruns?

 

[Nerys Myk]

TORRES: I paid my money, so start dancing. And it better be sexy!

 

[Bob Karo]

The Doctor locked himself in his office for three weeks straight after discovering he could make custom mods to his orgasm subroutine.

 

[Finn]

Kevin Arnold: (OS) ...I'll never forget the day I caught my old coach on a cheap tv set...

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Cavit: Welcome aboard. Ah, Mr. Locarno. The observer. I guess it could be worse. At least you're not that Tom Paris. What a real assgoblin. Killing those three officers and falsifying reports. Joining those Maquis scum. Wait a sec. You're not Nick Locarno, are you? Crap. Awkward.

 

[Mistral]

Thanks for the win!-Mistral

Electronic morphine. The greatest invention since the wheel.

 

[Mistral]

...and in this scene we discover where Kes disappeared to...

 

[huskers57]

Janeway: "Your story is not convincing... I can see right through you!"

Calgon...Take Me Away!

Torres...arrested for wearing horizontal stripes.

Motorboating....

 

[Isis]

Thanks for the win, Randi!

Retz: "Captain, have I made myself clear?"

Tuvok (OS): "I agree those tables and graphs are fascinating, but haven't you taken things a little too far?"